Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Eyes (45069)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Five Years Later!
ISPIFFD
♀ Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the brain ever stop working on the whole mess of an A, false R, D, etc?

It's been 5 years, 2 months since D-Day 1. I'm divorced and very happy now, feeling like I've really gotten to a good place and healed up quite a bit.

The other day I was driving along listening to a Beatle mix CD I listen to a lot, and the song "If I Fell" came on (opening lines: "If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true, and help me understand"). Even though I've listened to it probably a million times in the past 5 years, my brain suddenly flashed on a scene a little past D-Day when we were at a bar, he was still playing in the POS's band, and he plugged in his iPod to play music over the bar's PA system. He specifically played that song and I smiled at him, thinking he was playing it to make me feel better cuz it was a Beatles' song (POS never liked Beatles - thank heavens!).

So now I'm driving along 5 years later, hear the opening lines of the song, that bar scene flashes in my mind and I now see her reaction. She had been rummaging in a box of gear, and when the song started to play, she stood up quickly, looked at my WH, looked at me, got a pissed look on her face and went back to furiously rummaging, almost throwing stuff around.

DUH!!! Ex's whole schpiel with me had been that he'd never actually said the words I Love You to her, so somehow he wasn't actually cheating on me. And that song was yet another way he had meant for her to believe he loved her without saying the words. There was no other reason for a Beatles' song to be on his band iPod at all except that he'd played it for her during their A as a wooing gesture.

It was like a(nother) slap in the face to realize all that in an instant, but then I wondered why on earth my subconscious is still doing this to me all these years later! I really don't need to have any more crap about their A revealed to me. Really!

Does this keep happening? When does it ever stop??


edited for a little clarity...

[This message edited by ISPIFFD at 7:49 AM, March 30th (Saturday)]


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1857 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
rcantbleveit
♀ Member
Member # 30476
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple of single friends had this conversation Thursday night. It's been almost 3 years for me and yes those moments do occur. I'm also happy and feel pretty positve about the future but sometimes someone will say or do something that takes my mind right back to us. The hurt behind it is less and doesn't last as long.

One of my friends gets triggered everytime she goes by someplace her X built, he was in costruction and it's been even longer for her. They were divorced over his drug addiction - not another woman. However, he has been engaged once & married twice in two years which leaves her feeling awful.

It all comes down to Divorce Sucks regardless of he reason and it leaves us split open. We are survivors though so life does go on.


Posts: 227 | Registered: Dec 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if it ever stops, but I think it slows down and the impact when it does happen becomes less and less hurtful.

((((ISPIFFD))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25523 | Registered: Aug 2011
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it doesn't stop?
I do know the mind movies and thoughts of those times become fewer and longer intervals between them. The emotional impact is less too.

Posts: 4703 | Registered: Dec 2009
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, there is a newer song by P!nk Just Give Me A Reason, about love that seems to be fading, I really like the song, but there is a line that triggers me. Pink is singing, "Now, you've been talking in your sleep, oh, the things you never say to me..."

WS did that. He talked in his sleep when he was having the A's. I used to wake up to listen...see if any of it made sense.

So, that line throws me back every time.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you can spend that much of your life with another without having these flashbacks. The problem is that even the once 'nice' memories are painful now that my eyes are wide open.

I'd never want to wear rose coloured glasses again. These times are a reminder that I am not.

((ISPIFFED))

ps your name is very very VERY rude in Australia


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5579 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ISPIFFD
♀ Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, March 31st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ps your name is very very VERY rude in Australia

Is it?! Now I'm curious... can you pm me with the meaning?

My screen name is just the first letters of I'm So Pretty, I Fart Fairy Dust, a blog name I came up with after the OW started picking on me for being weak, ugly and pathetic. But if it also means something else that's rude, bonus!


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1857 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Luvlyla
♀ Member
Member # 38692
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, March 31st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm So Pretty, I Fart Fairy Dust


LOLZ!!! you are awesome!!!

maybe your brain was giving you a little reminder that your better without him, maybe you didnt even realise you needed a reminder, or maybe it was a leftover bit of useless info that finally added up and was able to be processed and removed from file. The brain is amazing if we let it be our friend.


When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, April 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've PM'd you. So rude.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5579 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
somer222
♀ Member
Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, April 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been five years for me, too. I do have my moments of clarity on my marriage and certain things seem to trigger events that happened that I didn't understand at the time. I understand them now, though.

It will get better - big hugs!


Posts: 1417 | Registered: Oct 2008
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am five years out also. Those triggers do pop up!


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm more than 10 years from Pigfucker's A and I still can't listen to country music. I had to think back to ask myself it it's just been since current WH's A but no. It's been that way since D-Day all those years ago.

I was diagnosed with PTSD thanks to Pigfuckers A and emotional/psychological torture. Good to know I've still got it.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1035 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It stops eventually.

Everything stops eventually.


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 835 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.