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Newest Member: Faith1 (44735)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I ended it....and not handling it well.
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so maybe plans on talking then.

What do you want to talk about?


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6092 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, April 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like playing sports, target shooting (firearms), pottery, sleeping , etc. lol.

The hard part is in order for me to do any of that I have to get a sitter as my WXH rarely comes to our state (currently 3 months ago and counting) and I have the kiddos all the time. People will have parties or get togethers last minute and I can't go...kids. Frustrating. I've been trying to get a list of sitters to call but it's tough.

I know I don't owe him anything as far as talking to him, but I have things to say to him. Will it make a difference? Nope, but I need to say it for me.

I can feel myself looking forward to seeing him Thursday and dreading it at the same time as I know it will be the last time no matter what he says. My heart still hurts but I know this is the way it has to be (over and done).


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People will have parties or get togethers last minute and I can't go...kids. Frustrating. I've been trying to get a list of sitters to call but it's tough.

Excuses....if you wanted a list of ER sitters, you would have one.

Call around to different daycare groups, see if they offer by the hour sitting at any time.

The red cross actually has a baby sitting course people can take, call them to find out if there is a way to connect with anyone to use as a sitter.

The girl scouts have connected with Safesitter to offer a badge for completeing the program, you could call around to local troops to connect with them.

Try to locate some Mommy and me groups, network with them. Try to do trades for free to lower the cost of any emergency sitting that might come up, for fun or otherwise.

Call local churches to see if they have any programs.

Put a flyer up at any local college early education areas. I knew several students who were going to be elemetary teachers who babysat over nights or at night and just did their studying there at the house. They were up anyway, and the kids would be in bed like an hour after they got there.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for great ideas! I'll have to give them a try.


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops double post.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 11:56 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For an FYI about your relationships in the future: Move a little more slowly the first couple of years, even when in love.

The amount of kids' stuff you have moved into his apartment already make me suspect that the guy got scared that you were integrating your life into his so quickly. He was becoming like a second father to the boys without having made that decision, actively, to be their stepfather and what that entails. He was becoming one, just by boys expecting to see him and having their stuff in his place, having not had time to fully consider what it means to be a stepdad.

The fact you called his sister involving her in your relationship is a red flag, to me, that you were pushing the relationship. The first year or so is still a testing time for a relationship. Unless the sister was your best friend before you met him, then this was a no-no. Friendly to sister - yes, in a surface way is OK, moving slowly. Talking to her about your life and relationship drama - no, too pushy. Most spouses and boyfriends prefer that ANYONE else be told about relationship problems over their immediate family. My husband would kill me if I confided in his sisters. It's considered bad form because it requires family drama and civil wars within. Use friends outside his family for personal-relationship support, not his family.


It's also likely his family had been concerned the relationship was moving too quickly, and had advised him to seek "space." They saw a guy fresh from a divorce who had a new date and kids in his life already, and realized that if he is on rebound, he needed to separate his compatibility with you, from being someone who just needed to be in any relationship with anyone rather than being alone.

The space may be good for both of you.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 10:55 AM, April 5th (Friday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your persepective Heavy Sigh especially about involving family.

I actually didn't have that much stuff at his place. Some toiletries for me, a couple of kid games, and my kids' sleeping stuff to use when we were over there....which at most was once a week or less. There were times I didn't see his kids (or vice versa) at all.

The physical distance between us helped things from moving too fast as life and schedules didn't make it feesible.

Thanks again!


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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