I started reading and posting on another site when I first found SI. Not a whole lot of 2x4's as they were there to support you through whatever decision you made. The choice to tell or not tell on that site is pretty divided and I fall solidly on the choice to confess and have gotten flak for it but oh well. I haven't been posting there much but was really hopeful of one woman who finally seemed to be getting her head out of her ass. She posted about how sexless her M is and how much she loves her BH but OM gave her such passion. A few times I have told her she needs to go NC and once she is away from the fog of it all really evaluate if her M can be saved. I also have told her either way she needs to come clean. She has "tried" to go NC a few times and always goes back. Now she and her BH are fighting and she says they are not happy with each other. I have said that the reason for this is perhaps a change in her behavior or suspicion on his part because her OM is pressuring her to leave...I have now read that she and her BH are separating and she has found an apartment she loves and is applying for it. He has no idea she is applying for it because in case she doesn't get it she doesn't want tension between them. I had high hopes for her actually seeing the light but it seems she has just sunk deeper and it makes me so sad for the BH who doesn't know he is betrayed and so sorry for her and the life she is throwing away. She never says anything negative about her husband past the we don't have sex part. Everything else she says about him is positive and paints him to be a great guy. The things she says about her OM paint him to be an asshole of the highest degree. I just don't get how she can't see what she's tossing away and maybe that's strange to hear from a wayward but I truly am stumped.
I know I can't help her. I know that this is something that she has to decide on her own. I know that this is a realization that she has to come to by herself. I truly understand all that but it upsets me that she can't come to this decision without destroying her husband first. I don't really know what the point of this post was. I just don't need to vent and share about the situation. I do believe that I'm going to slowly stop going to the other website although I was hardly there anymore. I can't stand to see her and a few others throwing themselves so headlong into the fog and delusion.
Vent over.Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild
No longer together
Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.
Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.