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He wont propose because I dont view health as importance as he
He keeps saying this isn't about looks. It has to do with living a long and healthy life.
I have not had a chance to read all of the post, but he does realize most anything can happen? I have a dear, dear, dear friend who lived an amazing, healthy lifestyle. She's dead --- cancer, ya know.
I lost my cool and responded "its all you you you. i play no factor in your thoughts whatsoever. Make "you" happy, respect "you", trust "you". I dont want this one-sided relationship anymore"
I just couldn't help myself. THAT IS IT!!!! No MORE taking bait
I feel stupid for responding but I wont do it anymore. I just had a momentary lapse of weakness.
Now you've got it off your chest, so take a deep breath and post here if you want to respond to him. Come up with funny or mean or just plain true stuff you want to text him and write it all here instead.
It's more than just stop responding, stop reading his texts/emails, stop answering his calls, stop listening.
I get it, I've been there. You've probably been in a similar situation before, were at your total wits end, ready to tell him fuck off, and he'd answer back with some "head-bowed" response of how you were always the better one, he sees how wrong he was, he was no good for you anyway, he's so sorry, blah blah... and in THAT moment, you felt better, you felt it was all for something, that it wasn't a waste, and you were so glad you held on to that moment.
.......and you're waiting for it again.....
....yet ask yourself......if he meant it EVER before, then why are you here now?
He's not telling you anything positive. He's trying to manipulate you in his last text to HIS have consequences for his fucked up actions against you before.
MrWNW doesn't ask me if I'll always be checking his emails, always be checking his texts, never trust him again. He pretty much guarantees I always will, and ... HE'S OK WITH THAT! It doesn't bother him because there's nothing to find.
You said "I don't want to marry you. Don't contact me again."
He then contacted you with reasons why you're desperate to marry him.
Doesn't this show you how little he respects you?
Look this happened to me and it's very simple.
I had a bf who had this healthy lifestyle plan. He worked out everyday, ate hardly anything and would glare at me over the table at restaurants. He "encouraged" and "pushed" me too and eventually I found myself in my dark bedroom, eating a clandestine box of chicken wings. NO THANKS.
This is all very very simple. It's a compatibility issue but don't make it about you. Don't be all he doesn't love me becuase I can't be XYZ. Make it about him! I do NOT want to spend all my free time running and working out. I love enchiladas and I think it's ok to eat some once a week.
It's like ... what if he loved to travel and you hated to fly? What if every weekend he wanted to go to a car show and you just HATED it and would rather spend time with your famil or read a book. You're just simply not compatible.
Do you want to try to change yourself for him? Well that's up to you but I didn't.
Based on his history alone I wouldn't even CONSIDER changing myself for him.
I would just email or call or whatever you want to do back and say look, I love you but we're not compatible and I'm not interested in living that lifestyle. You only get ONE chance, don't make a mistake and put yourself into a situation where every day is misery and you're sneaking Sprite and lying about it. TRUST ME I realized that when I was sitting in that bed with my secret chicken wings.
[This message edited by amitheow at 3:47 PM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]
Man you guys were so right. He has already responded with this nonsense
1. I said you here because it is "you" that doesn't trust me. I trust you
2. I said you here, but it could go to "we resent each other"
3. I said we
4. i said there is no....no you or we there
5. i said we indirectly
6. i said we
7. there is a limited "mutual" means we
8. no you or we
9. no you or we
10. i said we
besides #1 , #2 (which I conceded could go either way) please explain how and where I am blaming this on you
this relationship is no sided. Not one sided. NO sided....
please someone just shoot me now
And the latest text below
Oh I understand, you don't want to marry me and you sure aren't desperate to. I never said you were. Don't worry I won't contact you again
Oh, man. He's getting desperate now. Watch - have popcorn - he's going to go bonkers now.
I also noticed how you told him you didn't want to marry him and he asked you why you thought marriage would solve everything. How narcissistic can this guy be?
Now, no more responding!!!
NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC
If the relationship is no sided, why is he arguing? Why not take the ending gracefully?
Because he can't handle the rejection. He's supposed to reject you because you're not good enough. He can do no wrong, therefore cannot be rejected.
When you are tempted to reply, to break NC, read the abuse pattern again. He'll come on stronger, then when he gets no response, he will begin the sweet talk. It's likely he'll cycle back and forth between the ass and the charmer and you need to be prepared for it. Block him in every way you can. I know you're curious. You probably even want to see him show grief over losing you. But when it happens, it will be a means to an end for him, not real grief/remorse. That doesn't happen until he owns his issues. If ever.
And, stay NC.
Jesus, six pages (and yes, part me ) of contributions for help in a txt war you both are loading off of for different reasons.
You know, you've gotten some seriously amazing advice from some wise veterens and your response is "oh, and here's another txt. And then is said, and he was all".
Look, you're an adult. This is a fucked up game you're both playing. It can't be played with one.
So, two questions, what are you getting from this and why do you need whatever that is?
Is this text or email?
Is there any possible way you can just not read this anymore?
He TOLD you to break up with him. Twice.
I'm just a little concerned right now that he won't take your "no" for an answer.
Stop responding, but keep your eyes open and your doors locked. He might not go away quietly once he realizes you mean business, and no means no.
Have you read the Dance of Anger? It's about people playing roles in relationships, and when one party stops following the rules - ie you - the other one goes nuts.
Keep to your word to not contact him and one of two things will happen:
1- he will go out immediately and claim a new victim, attempting to show you how awesome e is and how wrong you were toned it
2- he will crank up the abusevand anger
Either one shows you he doesn't care enough to fight for you.
Sweetheart, my dad was an arse and I put up with arses all my life because of it.
Uncertain - I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so lost. I thought posting here would help. And the advice I've gotten here is amazing. I've read the posts at least 50 times. I'm not trying to get anything out of this other than peace of mind. I feel like my life as I know it is ending and I don't know what to do. So forgive me for the madness
Circe it's text and it pops up at the top of my screen. I considered changing numbers but that requires some planning since it is my only work number. Plus I'm a masochis. And my mood changes every 3 minutes
My friends always tell me when I don't know what to do - don't do anything.
You can begin to deal with this tomorrow. Stop talking to him today, gather your family or friends around and call a counselor to also support you.
And keep posting....