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User Topic: He wont propose because I dont view health as importance as he
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha that is genius ... Going to change address to mine if possible. See he's right, I'm inconsiderate and thoughtless lol

Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
circe
♀ Member
Member # 6687
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good to hear you staying so strong, susp.

His birthday text, what a load of horseshit and passive aggressive puke. You know that. You don't have to feel guilty for not encouraging that kind of entitlement and guilt weaving. You're better than that.

I'm glad you're gaining strength from the distance and that you know you have the right to grieve the relationship you wanted with him. Your friend was a jerk to goad you about him still having power over you. It's normal to feel like you're on a rollercoaster, and the plunges down into guilt or regret will get so much less over time. It's just how you process all your feelings. You're a good person. You will feel these things and then move on from them. As long as you keep checking in with yourself to remember that you shouldn't be torturing yourself with the feelings, texts and regrets - and that you should spend some time being kind to yourself, and remembering the good parts of you, too - then you'll heal and regain your happy life. I know it's rocky, but it really does get slowly better.


Posts: 3207 | Registered: Mar 2005
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are getting great advice from others. Keep up the good work.

A funny thing happens along the way as you start to get stronger and your eyes start to open up. Slowly you will find that some of your friends, not all but some...just like the one friend who was not supportive of you....or even the group you might hang out with start to feel not right to you. It won't seem fun or it will seem like they are selfish or childish, but your tolerance for bullshit is really low and you won't want to put up with it any more.

Then again maybe it was just me. What I found I was attracted to whether in the opposite sex or in friends were the crazy, fun, totally selfish type of person. I liked the person who could push boundries. Who seemed to me to have no fears in life. Yet what I found out is that they drew me into their world to a point that it felt really uncomfortable.

Don't know if that makes sense....took alot of IC and digging into FOO issues to see that I liked to choose these types of people. I have a funny feeling if you can get over to the other side of this whole thing you will start to weed out a few other people in your life. Not to be mean, but just to see you have grown beyond them.


Posts: 5706 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I must be a horrible person and didn't deserve it."

Read this as "meeeee, meeee, me, all about me."

OMG, words from my passive-aggressive father, to my mother, ringing in ears.

Block and ignore!!!!


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A -- lose the douchebag. Really, he's just a hot mess.

B -- sportscaster is hitting on you at the gym and you need to work out more? doubt it.

C --

and if I want to have babies, at 36 and starting over, it may be too late to even have a nornal child.

Nah. You're fit. Your chances of having a (healthy) baby are still very high. You might not get pregnant 2 weeks after you stop the pill, but it'll be fine.

Main thing is this: WHY, why did you stay in this push-pull relationship so long? What was the payoff for you? That's what you need to figure out.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a funny feeling if you can get over to the other side of this whole thing you will start to weed out a few other people in your life. Not to be mean, but just to see you have grown beyond them.

Ah, this was true for me too! Really, it started to show up in every area of my life. I changed doctors, grocery stores, the place I get my car serviced... anything that was unpleasant and/or BS just slashed. It just sort of woke me up.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

your tolerance for bullshit is really low and you won't want to put up with it any more.

This is already happening to me. I have another 'good' friend who I'm now keeping at arms length bc of her passive aggressive comments. Two weeks ago she told me my hair was my 'security blanket' when I was discussing my hair extension issue. She also told me that she could see the difference between my real hair and my 'fake' hair. I didnt say anything at the time and actually agreed with her, but after the fact I started to get very annoyed and angry with her and thought to myself "I have 0 tolerance for this shit now" . If I have no friends im ok with that, I am not dealing with women who try to take you down a few pegs with subtly aggressive comments meant to come across as concern or honesty. She said this to me the same night i told her about the breakup. I felt like she kicked me while I was down.

I am DONE with mean people!!! So yes, you are very right RB - as usual.

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 9:51 AM, May 3rd (Friday)]


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no plans tonight. No plans this weekend. No one has called. Not that I want them to. I really dont feel like i can be aruond people who dont 'get it'.

I want to watch a good movie. Any suggestions?

Also interesting - my "OW" his ex, the one I have been watching for years. She's going to be on a Bravo reality show. . Will be interesting to watch. Shes on it with her current BF. Oh yeah she cheated on him too, and he caught her. Shes the one Ive been compared to for the last 4 yrs. I will post about it when it airs. I Love bravo too. I will hate her if shes some breakout star and is freinds with Andy. I hope it fails on the first eposide....


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
wannarun
♀ Member
Member # 36871
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change your number and move on!! Guess what's gonna happen when you get pregnant?......your going to crave sprite and salt!! Then what? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what he's doing of if you're good enough? Trust me you don't want to go through this again after you're married with children!! It becomes much more difficult!! Take your power and go out and find a good man!! He's "no bueno"


Me/BS - 41 him/WS - 42 2-boys 11&4
DD- Aug 2011 plus several in the months that followed ~ He said "I just needed someone to talk to" I asked if "Oprah was hiding in her panties" he wasn't amused!

Posts: 142 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol wannarun. touché

Muy bueno lol


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
JustAShadow
♀ Member
Member # 38370
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Suspi - I've been a lurker to your story and am just so impressed with how strong you are and how well you are doing (even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes).

Here's a few Netflix ideas for a few different moods.

* The Vicar of Dibley (british tv sitcom hilarity -currently Netflix only has season 1 but it should get you laughing)
* Breaking Bad - it will keep you occupied all weekend long
* The Constant Gardener
* Muriel's Wedding - for that funny/cry vibe

The last two I can watch over and over and over again.

ETA: I realize that last one may seem like a total trigger from the title - but, if you don't know the story of the movie, it's not a relationship story (other than friend relationships) or a real wedding. See, this is why I lurk - I'm sometimes such a dumba$$ with these things called words. I'm gonna go sit in my corner and shut up.

[This message edited by JustAShadow at 12:43 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]


ME: 41 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 1997, 2003
Him: 35 - Madhatter, 2 PAs, 2004, 3/2012 - 3/2014
Status: Living Apart

Posts: 200 | Registered: Feb 2013
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Main thing is this: WHY, why did you stay in this push-pull relationship so long? What was the payoff for you?

I actually thought I couldn't do any better. He was so good looking, so successful, so seemingly in touch with his emotions, and so in love with me - I thought it could't get any better and this was the hand I was dealt. The fighting and the crazy-making was the payoff for having such a 'catch'. Now that I look at it from the outside it seems pathetic.

I had bad examples growing up.


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I missed it, but why can't you block his texts?? As for the work email, you can probably it up so that his emails go to junk, then you can just delete the junk folder.

Seriously, you have to cut this off. It's not helping you to read his shit. This all seems so self-destructive on your part.


Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the tylenol?

Posts: 20561 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to admit this. It's a morbid curiosity. I hate myself for this. I dont know why i continue to punish myself mentally.

I'm dying to know if he's dating and what she/they look like. Maybe bc I've been tracking his every move for years? I dont know. I dont know why I cant completely cut him out of my mind. I want to so bad. I want a lobotomy.

When does it get easier? I am a month of NC (from my end anyway - I think he hates me now for not wishing him a happy fucking birthday). I would probably be angry at someone whom I spent so much time with, for not wishing me a happy birthday too. It does seem really cold. Like really cold.

I dont know.

Why am I so sad....work is overwhelming me, I dont have any joy in life. I dont look forward to anything. Dont want to be around or talk to anyone. I have 0 desire to do anything but just sleep. I feel like I am in a nightmare and I'm going to wake up and everything is going to be ok.

Sorry I have no where else to go but here.

Yes Im in IC - yes I'm on AD's.

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 11:25 AM, May 7th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a month of NC

No you're not:

I'm dying to know if he's dating and what she/they look like. Maybe bc I've been tracking his every move for years? I dont know. I dont know why I cant completely cut him out of my mind.

You need to go COMPLETELY NC, including MENTALLY NC.

If you're thinking about him, you're not NC.

If you're getting texts from him, you're not NC.

If you're wanting to know if he's dating, you're not NC.

If you're wondering what his dates look like, you're not NC.

At least you're not initiating any communication with him (right???), but you need to get him out of your mind as well in order for him to be completely out of your life.

What have you tried to substitute? Reading? Exercise? Something else?

Work on STOPPING the thoughts of him, and on doing something else so that your mind will go there less and less, then finally little or not at all.

Then you will be TRULY, COMPLETELY NC, and you will be FREE.

((((suspicious))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 25 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 30
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2716 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who cares if it's prepaid. Just call them and tell them you want to cancel it. They can keep the $$ if they fight you on a refund but tell them you want it canceled. Period. Talk to a supervisor or their supervisor if necessary.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The subscription is the least of my worries. It's over in two months. I only mentioned it bc he said I was so thoughtless regarding his bday and that was bought specifically for that purpose.

What have I done to replace? Nothing. That's my problem. I'm having trouble finding the energy or will to do even the simplest things. I don't know how I'm even managing to work. It's a stressful job and I'm sucking wind right now.

I realize how sick it is that he occupies all this head space. But I don't think I have the capacity to control my thoughts. Just not built that way I guess


Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Susp, Saying you are just not built that way is an excuse. It is like saying you aren't built to swim, or run, just because you've never done it before.

Controlling your thought life is possible with training and discipline. I should know! (long story with FOO issues").

You can google how to control your thoughts and challenge yourself to develop coping skills. It has the potential to payoff handsomely!

Good luck, Catt

[This message edited by alphakitte at 5:43 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)]


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Spelljean
♀ Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally agree with alpha, there are even ICs that specialize in positive self-talk and therapy to get you shifting your focus to healthier things and you eventually realize you can control your thought patterns. Because the negative ones you have currently are negative patterns you developed yourself. They can be broken with work.

Something I am working on and getting better at.


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, May 7th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just realized something. I think part of my "regression" for lack of a better term is bc of a trigger. I heard a song on the radio and I recognized the beginning . I realized that wx skipped that song every single time it started to play. I finally heard the lyrics and I know why. One of the lines is "yeah I like to fuck, I got a fucking problem". I realize why he skipped it now. He rest of the song is along those lines. It probably hit too close to home for him (and me). And now I have it playing on repeat in my head. I need to look into this controlling your thoughts business

Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2011
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