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He wont propose because I dont view health as importance as he

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suspicious247 posted 3/31/2014 09:23 AM

Hi everyone, me .Again. I had to post this bc I thought those of you who've kept up with the story throughout the year will get a huge kick out of this.

(it was one year ago on the 22nd, last weekend)

A little update before the text I got last night (text is below in italics if you want to skip) -

There's been no contact since he met Miss US and my apartment move (end of Nov early Dec), I unleashed a verbal tounge-lashing shortly after I moved in. I said the worst things I've ever said to anyone. bc when I needed someone in the worst way, & had no one else to turn to (& he knew it - AND used that =against me in an argument even) - he abandoned me bc he was "late for a date" with Miss US. When I can count on ONE HAND the amt of times he was on time for anything with me. I was infuriated. Then as if that wasn't bad enough, he was doing things for her he would never do for me. IE like a photo on Facebook, or even be Friends before month 6. She met his parents, his mother and her were talking to each other. I didn't meet his parents until 2 plus years. And it made me feel that he was ashamed of me.

So I told him I was ashmaed of myself. That I was with someone who was ashamed of me. That he was evil, ugly on the inside, and called him every name in the book - liar, cheater, Manipulator, Immature, Fake, Doomed, etc. I can't remember if I posted it here or not. But I told him I'm the only person who knows him inside and out and I see him for who he really is, and I detest what I see. A lying, cheating, evil, rotten-to-the-core person who is ugly on the inside. Etc etc. It was pretty intense. HIs repsonse was "wow" and mine was "my sentiments exactly". And that was it. Nothing since.

He acted "above it all" and said leave me alone. And that is precisely what I did.

I did this to the letter -

Use his attention toward Miss USA as a chance to run far far away from him. And if your friends are now friends with him, lose them quick.

Then last night I get this text. He never ceases to amaze me. Looks like he was dating Miss US up until recently. I noticed his FB had been deleted a few weeks ago(which is soooooo copied from my move).

Hi Suspicious247, I hope you are doing well. I know I'm the last person you want or care to hear from right now. I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'm having surgery tomorrow and will need to go under anesthesia. As you know, there's risks with that even though my surgery itself isn't considered extremely risky. The abnormality they found most likely has affected my hormones and my mood for a long time since adolescence. I need you to know that I'm sorry for times when my mood affected the way I treated you. I've debated for a long time whether to say anything but decided that I would regret not saying I'm sorry if something were to happen to me. I hope you can forgive me for times when you felt I mistreated, WEXBF

I didn't respond. Don't plan to.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA So let me get this straight, you dated another person, as I have been saying since Day 1 (post Dday #1), that he needs to date soneone else and have them say the same things I was saying bc I knew he wouldn't take my word for it bcI'm just a damaged girl with Daddy issues. Now he dated someone with 0 family issues and probably 0 issues in general, and she is saying the same things. So NOW, you take some stock in it. But instead of just saying to yourself that you're a real asshole, you go to a doctor and find a medical reason for it. LMFAO. True to form.

That's what I would like to say. But I won't.

On to a more positive note, I've been doing fairly well. I got a puppy who is the light of my life and makes me LOL every day. He is quite possibly the cutest dog in existence, and very good and very smart. The PERFECT DOG for me. He's made me very happy.

I won't pretend that I never look at MIss America's profile bc I have some kind of morbid curiosity. (To know whether their relationship was as turbulent as our's, or was it peachy and glorious. Bc if it was the latter, than "we" had to be partly my fault too. And I'm not just talking - putting up with more than I should have, or staying too long. I mean the abusive,toxic stuff - that I sometimes questioned if I contributed to in any way. So yeah I looked and tortured myself, but I didn't view it as torture.

The more time that went on, the more I wanted to reach out to her and offer my ear. (Which I would never actually do, because I know how that would be perceived.) The more I wanted to thank her for taking his focus off me so I could heal. The more I saw how impossible he was and how long it took me to get un-mindfucked. The more I felt further and further away from all of it. And thankful for the end result, albeit wishing for my 5 years back.

Anyway hope you all are doing great (or as good as possible) , had good weekends, and were able to find some peace of mind - which I know is so hard to do when you're in the thick of it. This place is a Godsend.


suspicious247 posted 3/31/2014 10:12 AM

I'll regret not saying I'm sorry......

....if something happned to ME.

It is all about him even now. that text wasn't for me, it was for him. asshole

confused615 posted 3/31/2014 10:14 AM

"I hope you can forgive me for the times you felt I mistreated you."

Note..not the times he actually mistreated you...just the times you felt like he was.

He's fishing. Block him.

suspicious247 posted 3/31/2014 10:25 AM

LOL @ Confused


norabird posted 3/31/2014 11:50 AM

It is awesome to read about your clarity, and your puppy.

Tearsoflove posted 3/31/2014 12:20 PM

Great update and congratulations on getting rid of a douche and getting someone who treated you with much more humanity into your life. Puppies are awesome!

IrishGirlVA posted 3/31/2014 12:36 PM

I would have replied to the text the day after the surgery and said, "If you are reading this then you made it through your surgery. And ps -- I do not forgive you".

If something tragic did happen, he would be none the wiser.

(Sorry, my spirit is feeling mean today)

suspicious247 posted 4/1/2014 09:04 AM

LOL I like it Irish Girl. That would be today..........

annb posted 4/1/2014 09:19 AM

I remember your story clearly, and kudos to you for getting rid of this jacka$$ and moving on with your life.

DO NOT contact him for any reason. It might still hurt, and you've moved too far forward to take a few steps back.

FaithFool posted 4/1/2014 09:27 AM

This guy can only sing one note: "meeeee-meeee-meeee"...


Puppies are the best therapy. Onward.

suspicious247 posted 4/1/2014 18:56 PM

I know Fathfool.....took me just shy of 5 years to figure that out.

What the hell does that say about me! I don't even want to think about it.....

Caretaker1 posted 4/1/2014 19:04 PM

Ok I'm in the minority here. He values health and taking care of ones body. He was being honest. If you are in great shape what is his issue. Give me a break with his love is conditional. Everything we look for in a partner is a condition. This just happens to be a core value for him. He was being brutally honest. You might value he was tall, or smart or successful at his job, or is good with kids etc. These are all's the other crap that really are red flags. Maybe he has a tumor on his pituitary and it did effect his hormonal system. or not ...he seems wimpy but at the same time seems to want to still have you there. NC is good but I'm guessing you want to know what happened. Maybe he's testing you to see if you care during his anxious time of needing surgery. I don't know, but he seems confused. I also wouldn't stay as he is a cheater. My friend married and ignored the red flags. She is bipolar I and she cheated through out. Stay away from this one. You escaped a bullet.

[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 7:17 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)]

nolight posted 4/1/2014 19:44 PM


Ok I'm in the minority here. He values health and taking care of ones body. He was being honest. If you are in great shape what is his issue. Give me a break with his love is conditional.

You read the part where she stated that her she is 5.9 and weighs 130 pounds didn't you? This places her at the very low spectrum of a healthy weight so his "honesty" is rather warped. When you couple it with his other behaviours it's rather obvious that he control issues and, like a number of emotionally abusive partners, needed to dismantle her self esteem to exercise this control.

Suspicious, thanks for the update! I'm really glad to hear that you are in a more positive mindset.

Mousse242 posted 4/1/2014 20:04 PM

Why isn't he blocked. If he's contacting you, change your number.

suspicious247 posted 4/2/2014 10:34 AM

Mousee, I haven't blocked him bc I knew something like this was coming and I wouldn't have gotten the laugh if he was blocked. However, I know this is bad reasoning. I'm blocking him bc now I'm thinking @ him again (albeit in a completely different way now ) and that's "no bueno".

And yes, I look just fine physically Caretaker. Of all the women I used to hang out with, I was the thinnest. I have no problem with my physicality. He just didn't like that I didn't spend hours in the gym on a daily basis. Even when I did work out, it was how much did you do? How long? WHat level? Is that it?

And the proof is in the ending of their relationship bc she is a fitness model and he still couldn't manage to keep her.

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 10:39 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday)]

TXMommy posted 4/2/2014 12:38 PM

I remember you! I'm so happy for you!
Yep, he's fishing... he's NPD... it's ALL about him, and you're better off without him!
Seriously, block him....
I like IrishGirl's idea, too though. I don't have much restraint!

suspicious247 posted 4/3/2014 09:46 AM

So I got the skinny of on type of surgery he got and it had something to do with his veins? I am by no means a vascular expert but how in the hell could anything like that cause you to be impossible, moody and a liar?!

I did some googling and found seomthing called Vascular Dementia but I sincerely doubt it's that serious. Plus from what I understand, that is usually precipitated by a stroke. Anyway - I will keep you all updated if anything life-threatening happens.

suspicious247 posted 4/24/2014 07:51 AM

Is anyone still here that remembers this post without reading the whole thing?

(I've done it and it takes a few hours)


Yes Miss America (thats what I call her bc it rolls off the tongue easier - that is not her title)

WE have 0 people in common.

What do I do? Is she trying to speak to me? Ignore? Accept? Ughhhhhh

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 7:51 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]

NeverAgain2013 posted 4/24/2014 10:00 AM

Honestly, I could only read up to about page 10 in this thread because it was just the same stuff over and over and over and over. I couldn't read the long long emails and all that stuff, I had to scroll through them.

But basically, it was just a monotonous cycle of wash, rinse, repeat.

Everyone told you from the start to block the guy but you wouldn't. It was pretty obvious you were LIVING for the next call or text or drive by or smoke signal from Prince Charming so you could continue dancing the Dysfunctional Waltz with him. And unfortunately, here we are half a year later and you're still obsessing about this guy and his ex, some "Miss America" person.

You're still clearly invested in this never-ending dysfunction. You're not a victim, you're a long-time volunteer. Honestly, who cares about his veins and his surgery and his hormones and his moods? You should be FAR from caring and doing something better with your personal life than allowing this jerk to continue dragging you through the streets of Dysfunction Junction.

Break the cycle.

It's time.

It's PAST time.

suspicious247 posted 10/5/2014 15:47 PM

Wow never again. I know I am a tad bit late in responding to your commentary on how boring monotonous and obsessed with him I am- but better late than never right!? And the fact that it seven months later should disprove your allegations in your message-in and of itself.

Honestly I had to check and see how many posts you made bc the thought occurred to me that 'miss America' has found me here as well.

Yes folks I have ITREFUTABLE proof she has sent spies in to look at my personal Facebook Instagram linked in profiles. To the point I had to delete all but linked in. She is blocked from anything and everything I can get my hands on and so are her friends. including the ex to your point -->never again.

I was DEFINTIELY NOT begging Outwardly nor inwardly for him to call or text me. Since you didn't read the whole thread - honestly I don't know why am giving your mag weight- I guess since you took the time to write it I feel obligated to address. Even though chances are minimal you will even see this.

But --> I <-- stopped ALL forms of communication with HIM. SINCE 03/13. NOT VICE VERSA. CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU AND PROBABLY MANY PEOPLE THINK-I do not want this guy back nor did I back when these were posted. YES WE HAD SOME INCIDENTS WHERE WE HAD TO COMMUNICATE. BUT 0. I repeat 0 of them resulted in any rekindling.

I can understand why it may be confusing to everyone. After all I went through it for six years and wasn't able to explain it to myself, so how in the world what I ever be able to explain it to anyone else? How do you tell someone that you're boyfriend just giving you the silent treatment and get any kind of sympathy? Unless you have BTDT you really can't understand.

The pain (I continue to feel) is completely normal given the length of our relationship and the severity of the abuse.

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