(it was one year ago on the 22nd, last weekend)
A little update before the text I got last night (text is below in italics if you want to skip) -
There's been no contact since he met Miss US and my apartment move (end of Nov early Dec), I unleashed a verbal tounge-lashing shortly after I moved in. I said the worst things I've ever said to anyone. bc when I needed someone in the worst way, & had no one else to turn to (& he knew it - AND used that =against me in an argument even) - he abandoned me bc he was "late for a date" with Miss US. When I can count on ONE HAND the amt of times he was on time for anything with me. I was infuriated. Then as if that wasn't bad enough, he was doing things for her he would never do for me. IE like a photo on Facebook, or even be Friends before month 6. She met his parents, his mother and her were talking to each other. I didn't meet his parents until 2 plus years. And it made me feel that he was ashamed of me.
So I told him I was ashmaed of myself. That I was with someone who was ashamed of me. That he was evil, ugly on the inside, and called him every name in the book - liar, cheater, Manipulator, Immature, Fake, Doomed, etc. I can't remember if I posted it here or not. But I told him I'm the only person who knows him inside and out and I see him for who he really is, and I detest what I see. A lying, cheating, evil, rotten-to-the-core person who is ugly on the inside. Etc etc. It was pretty intense. HIs repsonse was "wow" and mine was "my sentiments exactly". And that was it. Nothing since.
He acted "above it all" and said leave me alone. And that is precisely what I did.
I did this to the letter -
Use his attention toward Miss USA as a chance to run far far away from him. And if your friends are now friends with him, lose them quick.
Then last night I get this text. He never ceases to amaze me. Looks like he was dating Miss US up until recently. I noticed his FB had been deleted a few weeks ago(which is soooooo copied from my move).
Hi Suspicious247, I hope you are doing well. I know I'm the last person you want or care to hear from right now. I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'm having surgery tomorrow and will need to go under anesthesia. As you know, there's risks with that even though my surgery itself isn't considered extremely risky. The abnormality they found most likely has affected my hormones and my mood for a long time since adolescence. I need you to know that I'm sorry for times when my mood affected the way I treated you. I've debated for a long time whether to say anything but decided that I would regret not saying I'm sorry if something were to happen to me. I hope you can forgive me for times when you felt I mistreated you..best, WEXBF
I didn't respond. Don't plan to.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA So let me get this straight, you dated another person, as I have been saying since Day 1 (post Dday #1), that he needs to date soneone else and have them say the same things I was saying bc I knew he wouldn't take my word for it bcI'm just a damaged girl with Daddy issues. Now he dated someone with 0 family issues and probably 0 issues in general, and she is saying the same things. So NOW, you take some stock in it. But instead of just saying to yourself that you're a real asshole, you go to a doctor and find a medical reason for it. LMFAO. True to form.
That's what I would like to say. But I won't.
On to a more positive note, I've been doing fairly well. I got a puppy who is the light of my life and makes me LOL every day. He is quite possibly the cutest dog in existence, and very good and very smart. The PERFECT DOG for me. He's made me very happy.
I won't pretend that I never look at MIss America's profile bc I have some kind of morbid curiosity. (To know whether their relationship was as turbulent as our's, or was it peachy and glorious. Bc if it was the latter, than "we" had to be partly my fault too. And I'm not just talking - putting up with more than I should have, or staying too long. I mean the abusive,toxic stuff - that I sometimes questioned if I contributed to in any way. So yeah I looked and tortured myself, but I didn't view it as torture.
The more time that went on, the more I wanted to reach out to her and offer my ear. (Which I would never actually do, because I know how that would be perceived.) The more I wanted to thank her for taking his focus off me so I could heal. The more I saw how impossible he was and how long it took me to get un-mindfucked. The more I felt further and further away from all of it. And thankful for the end result, albeit wishing for my 5 years back.
Anyway hope you all are doing great (or as good as possible) , had good weekends, and were able to find some peace of mind - which I know is so hard to do when you're in the thick of it. This place is a Godsend.
I'll regret not saying I'm sorry......
....if something happned to ME.
....if something happned to ME.
It is all about him even now. that text wasn't for me, it was for him. asshole
Note..not the times he actually mistreated you...just the times you felt like he was.
He's fishing. Block him.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
If something tragic did happen, he would be none the wiser.
(Sorry, my spirit is feeling mean today)
DO NOT contact him for any reason. It might still hurt, and you've moved too far forward to take a few steps back.
Puppies are the best therapy. Onward.
What the hell does that say about me! I don't even want to think about it.....
[This message edited by Caretaker1 at 7:17 PM, April 1st (Tuesday)]
Ok I'm in the minority here. He values health and taking care of ones body. He was being honest. If you are in great shape what is his issue. Give me a break with his love is conditional.
You read the part where she stated that her she is 5.9 and weighs 130 pounds didn't you? This places her at the very low spectrum of a healthy weight so his "honesty" is rather warped. When you couple it with his other behaviours it's rather obvious that he control issues and, like a number of emotionally abusive partners, needed to dismantle her self esteem to exercise this control.
Suspicious, thanks for the update! I'm really glad to hear that you are in a more positive mindset.
And yes, I look just fine physically Caretaker. Of all the women I used to hang out with, I was the thinnest. I have no problem with my physicality. He just didn't like that I didn't spend hours in the gym on a daily basis. Even when I did work out, it was how much did you do? How long? WHat level? Is that it?
And the proof is in the ending of their relationship bc she is a fitness model and he still couldn't manage to keep her.
[This message edited by suspicious247 at 10:39 AM, April 2nd (Wednesday)]
I did some googling and found seomthing called Vascular Dementia but I sincerely doubt it's that serious. Plus from what I understand, that is usually precipitated by a stroke. Anyway - I will keep you all updated if anything life-threatening happens.
(I've done it and it takes a few hours)
SHE ASKED ME TO CONNECT ON LINKED IN!!!!!
Yes Miss America (thats what I call her bc it rolls off the tongue easier - that is not her title)
WE have 0 people in common.
What do I do? Is she trying to speak to me? Ignore? Accept? Ughhhhhh
[This message edited by suspicious247 at 7:51 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]
But basically, it was just a monotonous cycle of wash, rinse, repeat.
Everyone told you from the start to block the guy but you wouldn't. It was pretty obvious you were LIVING for the next call or text or drive by or smoke signal from Prince Charming so you could continue dancing the Dysfunctional Waltz with him. And unfortunately, here we are half a year later and you're still obsessing about this guy and his ex, some "Miss America" person.
You're still clearly invested in this never-ending dysfunction. You're not a victim, you're a long-time volunteer. Honestly, who cares about his veins and his surgery and his hormones and his moods? You should be FAR from caring and doing something better with your personal life than allowing this jerk to continue dragging you through the streets of Dysfunction Junction.
Break the cycle.
It's PAST time.