I really want to move past this. I understand she is hurting, and it is easier to lash out at me, than at her H, but do I have to just sit and take it? If she reaches out again what do I do?
Can I block a number? Has this happened to any of you?
Status - Divorcing
Have you talked to him about how to handle this?
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
I texted him yesterday to see if she had reached out to him, because I wondered if I was a second resort, and he said she had about a week ago, and he had just deleted it. He recommended I not reply to her (before he knew I did) because she hates me. H told me that that she had said my AP told her some lies about me and our A, and she obviously believes them, which is fine, I expected to be thrown under the bus, and I expect her to hate me, but I am honoring my NC with them, and working on myself.
Is this just part of it? Should I expect vitriol to be spewed at me forever?
I'd start digging and working on thought processes and boundaries. You don't have to accept anything. You can discuss finances, kids, and draw the line there.
If its the latter, I imagine she'll feel that for quite some time, understandably, right? Doesn't mean you need to be a punching bag. Don't answer and delete unless it's threats or you feel like you might not be safe.
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth
Got to be a real pain, but no threats so just kept deleting and not answering. It stopped eventually.
..... but do I have to just sit and take it?
Please do not add insult to injury when there are simple ways to avoid this contact.
The simplest way to stop this is to change your phone numbers. This was HIGHLY recommended to me and I recommend it to all waywards ending contact with the AP.
(and change all email addys too)
What doesn't work so well, is blocking numbers. They will just use someone else's phone to continue the calls/texts.
As far as BS contacting another BS? I'm not opposed to it. If it helps to insure that NC is being maintained, it's helpful. The Dr. we counseled with suggests it in all cases of infidelity, as long as the BS's are communicating for this reason only.
[This message edited by Card at 10:50 AM, April 1st (Monday)]
D-Days April - Oct. 2007 Recovery started Nov. 2007
"Found Myself", I was right there in my shoes all along!
Search for self called off!
Why Repentance Is Necessary? Because Undeserved Mercy Empowers Entitlement/Sin
I definitely never expect her to forgive me, and understand she'll probably always hate me, but I don't want to be her punching bag. I am punching myself enough these days.
My coping choice was horrific, and I am dealing with the repercussions of it, and working to have better coping mechanisms in my arsenal.
I am ignoring, but what if I had my BH reach out to my AP to let him know what his S is doing. I doubt he would condone this, especially since he asked me to go NC and she is the one not complying.
UO- After reading your post I just realized if my AP ever gets a whiff we are divorcing, he will be popping up like one of those hideous Bozo the Clown punching bags. I need to go through and ensure there is no way he can cyberstalk me or find out any information.
But if they are truly trying to move on with their lives, as I am, I feel it is destructive to both of our healing efforts.
I am taking the stance of ignoring it, and should it happen again, I'll send a certified letter requesting it stop.
I don't want to have to change my number, and frankly, even if I do, there are so many other ways to get a hold of me, and she knows them all, so what is the point.