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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OM emailed W -Big Deal?
Conflicted1
♀ Member
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Worth a talk to clarify how you'd have preferred it to be handled. Personally I'd want the email forwarded to me by my wayward asking me if I wanted to reply or send crickets. My suspicious mind would be triggering wondering if they edited anything from their reply to the OP especially f they had been prone to minimizing before.


Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
Conflicted1
♀ Member
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Worth a talk to clarify how you'd have preferred it to be handled. Personally I'd want the email forwarded to me by my wayward asking me if I wanted to reply or send crickets. My suspicious mind would be triggering wondering if they edited anything from their reply to the OP especially f they had been prone to minimizing before.


Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
Changed72
♂ Member
Member # 38723
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update...

Over two months ago he emailed her again. We all ready had a plan for that. She forwarded it directly to me.

She wrote a NC letter, very direct, to the point. Haven't heard anything since.

We have been closer than ever. We talk about all our feelings. I don't hold anything back about how I feel, I'm very open.
I realize we have long way to go also, and we are trying our best. She is also doing everything it takes.

I still have times when I feel pretty bad, but I'm happy to say on Monday I didn't think about A all day at work. Which is huge for me!!!

I want to say best wishes for everyone going through this, also.
It does get better with time.


Me-38
Her-41
Married 15 years
1 DD13
DDay 3-2-13
Working on R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013
wewillmakeit
♂ Member
Member # 26290
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course you are "overreacting" - Under "normal" circumstances. Your WW actions assured that these are not normal circumstances. When the one person that you trust most betrays you, your perspective gets FUBAR. It stays like that for a long time.
WS don't seem to be able to grasp (post D-Day) the concept of triggers. You are looking at her every action as a re-assurance (hopefully) that you can trust her implicitly again. You are looking thorough a magnifying glass. That's just the way it is. In order for trust to be rebuilt she must understand that your needs, relative to her behavior, are not necessarily rational or linear (from her perspective).
She should have some empathy with this inasmuch as her actions were also not rational, yet she rationalized them.

[This message edited by wewillmakeit at 6:23 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 262 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
why2008
♀ Member
Member # 18378
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She should have let you know prior to emailing him...

don't overlook that this must have been very difficult for her to be honest and forward the email and communication to you. (I know, I know that she brought all this on herself)

If she sees you as over-reacting that may shut down her confidence in being able to share with her. Please acknowledge the good that she did...


Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Maryland / DC
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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