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Newest Member: leftfordust (44208)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Now "I" am the other woman!!
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FML. I don't know what I did to deserve all of this shit called my life. I flew through my divorce, had lots of counselling and met a new guy. Well new guy is from Europe but lives in Canada , we have been dating for about six months and he has professed his love to me over and over. Fast forward to today. He is in Europe on a month's vacation and has been gone a week. I haven't heard from him at all. Red flags went up and so I snooped in his car which he left at my apartment. I found fucking documents applying for a visitors visa for his WIFE and SON over there. I had seen pictures of this girl and he always maintained it was his sister and nephew. Now I know the truth and it really fucking hurts. I let myself be vulnerable and gave love a chance and this is where it got me. Now his shit is at my house and I have tried emailing, facebooking and skype messaging him saying I know his secret and he needs to let me know what to do with his stuff. What a fiasco. I can't trust anyone in this world and I really fucked up my life all I have ever wanted is a family and all I got was a cheating husband and married boyfriend. This sucks.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 229 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to be very gentle here because I can tell you are hurting. But, you can't have had lots of counseling if your DDay was only 10 months ago and your D was only final 4 months ago!

There is a very good chance that you have moved on too quickly here and that may have contributed to your missing some red flags.

In any case, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back into counseling to deal with this new trauma.

One after effect of this trauma is that often times our "picker" gets broken. And we continue to be attracted to broken people. We need to make sure to spend enough time healing ourselves so that we can "fix the picker" and seek out healthy relationships.

Of course, that's no guarantee either since I'm right back here too.

((HUGS)) to you. This sucks.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 988 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
HurtsButImOK
♀ Member
Member # 38865
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((burnedcanuckEMS))))

So sorry you are going through this, FTG. Hefty bag his shit and put it on the porch.

Healing mojo and more hugs heading your way.


Me: Awesome - 35

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –


Posts: 722 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
MyVoice
♀ Member
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am sooo sorry what a PIG! How do people treat others like this. I'm sending you love and hugs, be strong xxxx


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 468 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
somer222
♀ Member
Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Toss his crap in garbage bags and leave it to be picked up by the trash collector.

I hope you're feeling better soon. This has NOTHING to do with you. People who do things like he has done have a serious character defect and possibly a serious personality disorder.

Don't have any contact with him. I'd recommend looking at the website www.lovefraud.com. He's a fraud, sweetie.

Big hugs.


Posts: 1339 | Registered: Oct 2008
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. I agree with the other posters that you are just to raw to see clearly. I think it takes a couple of years post-D to even be in a place to have a relationship.

It happened to me too. I dated a guy for a few months and failed to see the obvious red flags until his live-in girlfriend of 2 years confronted me telling me who she is and that he was scum. I was so blindsided! Me, the BW an OW?

It was just like the other posted stated... My picker was broken! It took 3 years of living alone, dating a little and regaining my life until I finally knew what I want; and saw clearly what I didn't want.

That awful annoying word... TIME.

Take a break. Take care of you for a while! There are many broken people in this world. Until you pick up your own pieces you will only attract other broken people.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Somer about what to do with the stuff.

Face it, you don't need to see him again, so you really don't want him coming to pick up his stuff. Just throw it out, send him an e-mail that he doesn't need to come get anything, because there is nothing left for him at your place, and that he is not to contact you again.

Then lose all his contact info, and work on healing yourself.


Posts: 2305 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He did this to you. It's not your fault.

Put all his shit in his car, and lock the keys in it. Send him one last message saying you've done that and don't want to hear from him again.

This sucks.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1665 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope today is a better day. Hope you have had a good night's sleep and can see things a little differently this morning.

And now that you know you can have a re-set button, decide what you need to do for YOU. you can go on with YOUR life even with this new knowledge. Take time to heal. Take time to nurture yourself. Rest, drink plenty of fluids, exercise and breathe. Talk to an IC or to friends. No matter how much it hurts, knowing is better than not knowing.

He can rot in hell...go NC


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pass -

That's perfect.... assuming she has a cat pee on everything first!


Posts: 2305 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Put all his stuff in his car and be done with him. 100% NC!

I also think you probably need more counselling. It's been less than a year since your d-day! I wish you all the best in your healing.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a complete jerk

As much as it hurts, be grateful that you found out earlier rather than later. As for you not seeing the "red flags", well you did see them didn't you? Your instincts sent you looking for something and you were right. So don't bash yourself up for being taken in once again. Your instincts are alive and well, just a bit slow to ignite because you are still so hurt and vulnerable.

Once you are stronger your ability to keep attracting idiots like this will fade and a new energy will bring you what you need. This takes time so slow down. I am two and a half years out from D-Day and only just thinking about the possibility of dating again. The right man will come your way when you are ready.

I would get his car keys and move his car outside the nearest whorehouse. That's where he can pick it up when he returns.

Ellejay
xxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1087 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would put all his crap in the car. Then call and have his car towed. If they ask, tell them someone parked their car in your driveway. He'll have to pay to get it out.

Or, since you have the keys, just park it somewhere else with all his shit in it.

I would let the wife know about him if you can find out how to contact her.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4680 | Registered: Feb 2008
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you were put in this position so soon after your DDay and D. Everyone is right, BTDT. I met WH#2 a couple of months after filing for D from XWH#1. I should have never started dating him so soon after filing and before I had time to heal myself. I thought he was perfect, the total opposite of XWH#1. Boy was I ever wrong.

Don't beat yourself up over this, but do get some IC to help you understand why your picker is broken before you get involved with anyone else.

Call his BS and out his ass. She has a right to know and it will help her not to blame you or herself. Throw his stuff in his car, then have it towed away from your apartment. Then go NC with his lying cheating ass. How they think they can actually get by with this forever is beyond me. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all and I agree I got involved way too soon. Part of me thought "why not if we both like eachother", but he definitely played on my vulnerability. I took all his crap out to the car and I am still debating where to leave it. I thought maybe the airport - park in the expensive parkade and let him wander around until he finds it. Another friend suggested I park it anywhere illegally so it gets towed to the impound lot
I have a few weeks to figure it out.

I want to let his BS know, but she is in Albania and doesn't speak English. i believe I have her phone number from the papers I found but I don't speak Albanian so that won't help. However I am thinking about reporting him to the immigrations department. Marriage fraud is a big deal, he is pretending to be single yet has a wife and kid he wants to bring over. At the very least I am sure he will get questioned hard if I do that.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 229 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If his wife and kid are Albanian, and have to depend on this guy, then they have horrific problems you don't need to add to, so I'd back away from any plans except to put his stuff in the car, leave it in the driveway and tell him his keys are under the flowerpot.

Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, April 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you know she doesn't speak English?


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1170 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, April 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you know she doesn't speak English?

Good question. I never really thought about it but I assume she doesn't speak english. I'm not sure that telling her would help matters. From the sounds of it this is very common for the men in that country, and since he is supporting her and trying to bring her to Canada I really doubt that it would make any difference. I am better to just walk away from this. I am realizing more and more just how many lies he told me over the past eight months.

There was one night he randomly took off to the nearest city "for a drive" (3 hours each way) and met me the next morning for coffee. I found two concert stubs in his car for that night. And there were many many other women who would text him that he said were just friends that i was always suspicious of.

He is a dirtbag through and through. I don't think there is anything that can be done to stop him. I just hope he didn't give me any STD's. I was tested back in January and had BV but the other tests came back clean but I didn't have the full panel. Looks like I am back to my doctor.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 229 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, April 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure that telling her would help matters. From the sounds of it this is very common for the men in that country, and since he is supporting her and trying to bring her to Canada I really doubt that it would make any difference.

IMO whether or not it makes a difference is her decision to make, not yours.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
burnedcanuckEMS
♀ Member
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, April 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO whether or not it makes a difference is her decision to make, not yours

Fair enough. My only way I think I can get ahold of her is to either mail her a letter or call the phone number on his courier envelope I found. I still might just do both.


Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

"And this above all else, to thine own self be true"


Posts: 229 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
Topic Posts: 21
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