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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: wow - its finally time. finalizing my D. heard from X tonight.
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is really more D related but I feel like posting here in NB - my safe zone I guess.

Many of you know that my X and I have been in a long term holding pattern for our D. We have some deadlines fast approaching. Its time

X texted me tonight asking if we could talk tomorrow. Those texts used to leave a pit in my stomach b/c it was always drama. This time I just asked him to summarize tonight and I let it go. He mentioned that we needed to finalize things. It kind of through me for a loop. I hadn't thought about it much recently. Its unlike him to take the initiative. I guess he's finally moving on as well.

I'm not really upset but feeling a bit melancholy about the whole thing. Somehow, even after 5 years, I can't believe we couldn't pull it together. Its just plain sad. I've always felt the biggest issue for us was always communication. That has frustrated me all along. At this point, I have no desire to have him back but I feel sad that an entire M failed b/c we couldn't agree what shade of blue that the sky is.

I don't ... just feeling a little out of balance tonight


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17846 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
disillusioned12
♀ Member
Member # 37542
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed)))


BS (Me)
WS (STBXH)
Married 2 yrs; Together 6 yrs

D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold


Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2012
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Five years for me too and I'm divorced, but the melancholy still comes sometimes.

I can't imagine not having things wrapped up yet.

(((hexed)))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17535 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, April 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed)))
I look forward to your final closure of an important chapter. Thinking of you lady.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4609 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hexed))) I'm sorry your feeling sad. Hopefully it will pass and you'll feel better soon.


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hexed))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25745 | Registered: Aug 2011
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((hexed))

You'll feel better when it's resolved.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7769 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((Hexed))))))))))


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
CluelessGuy
♂ Member
Member # 28491
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed)))


BH - early 40s
XWW - early 40s
Two kids

D-Day - Easter 2010
D-Day 2 - July 18, 2010

Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2010
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed)))

Posts: 35904 | Registered: Mar 2011
MyVoice
♀ Member
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed))) xxx


Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 472 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
veelop5
♀ Member
Member # 11089
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hexed)))...I can't wait to read about your D and about a new beginning....I am sorry you are having a hard time right now..You have been there for me many times so if I can be of any help please message me!...


ME-38
XH-40
3 beautiful boys (20,19 & 15)
Update: Moved in to my own apartment 8/7/2012
Divorce final 3/27/2013

Posts: 1096 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Pennsylvania
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take this as your true, new beginning.

(((hexed)))

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
SoHappyNow
♀ Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((hexed)))))

Breathe, do something really kind for yourself: think chocolate, long soak in fragrantly scented bubble bath, walk in a park, new fingernail polish, etc.


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2295 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you.

(((hexed)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.

I was stuck during my seven year separation.

I remember that feeling in the stomach well. Every email, every piece of mail from the attorney. My heart would race, and it felt like a panic attack.

It's good to get it over with.

(((Hexed))))


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's funny, I'm OK with the finalization.

I think what I'm not good with is the OW still being around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hugely bothered by it but I sense that she is pushing it. It is unlike him to initiate these contacts. I've forced it all along. I'm still annoyed with her for certain things.

It is more than time. I realize that what I posted last night wasn't very true. It wasn't just communication. I like to sugar coat it with that. He is/was an active alcoholic. He most likely was cheating through out our M. He is very P/A. He can't tolerate to be told what to do. Ect. There was more than one problem.

I really am glad to have it done. It is best for both of us but it wouldn't be genuine of me to say it doesn't have any effect on me at all.

Good Bye X.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. My D took over three years. We'd both moved on with other people. I had zero desire to R with him. But I still felt a bit sad when the disso came down. It wasn't that I was sad and missing HIM... like you said, it was more sad over the idea that it didn't work out, I guess?

I dunno. But the sadz do pass. I promise.

Here's to your official NB.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15415 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
stronggirl72
♀ Member
Member # 37293
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.

^^^Yes. My SA states that we will be LS for close to a year because of health insurance coverage, and even that length of time seems challenging sometimes. I would jump at the chance if STBX were to initiate the D sooner than our agreement states, but that doesn't mean that I won't feel a sense of melancholy when that day does arrive. You are not alone.

Wishing you the very best during this transition and here's to a happy, healthy NB!

(((hexed)))

[This message edited by stronggirl72 at 2:34 PM, April 5th (Friday)]


"Taking the high road, and doing it with class."

DIVORCED!!


Posts: 154 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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