He's really not capable of forming these things.
He wasn't sorry becuase he thought that I wouldn't really put him out and he really wouldn't have to do the REAL work and I wasn't going to see through all of his words and no actions. He didn't realize that once that glass of trust is shattered, even if you can put it back together in reconciliation, you are never the same person that goes in, you will NEVER trust them the same way again.
At 20 months out he acts so angry like I am the one who did the deed. How dare I kick him out when he continued to cheat and had a joint bank account with OW! I am the horrible one and he is the poor, poor victim!!
What I have now realized is that he can only be the victim for so long in everyone's eyes. At some point someone is going to say "But haven't you been divorced for X years now? Man up!!"
Little bit of a a t/j there, but the real answer is sorry he got caught, hell yeah! Real remorse, empathy...he wouldn't know what it was if it shot him in the forehead!
But I didn't know 1/2 of the truth. He said all the right things and some of his actions even seemed to be going in the right direction.
But ..... once I found the evidence of the truth, he gave up on even pretending to be remorseful. Which was a huge shock to me. If anyone would have asked me what he would do if we ever found ourselves in this predicament, I would have predicted him bending over backward to fix what he broke.
He didn't. He gave up. He walked away.
And it hurts.
DD1 Sep 2011 all a lie
DD2 Jun 2012 found his secret email
3 Confirmed EA/PA over span of 2.5 yrs
Still with OW#3 - 23rd old gold digger
At least 3 visits to Prostitutes
Because remember, I'm the one who ruined his life and made everything so miserable for him.
I waited and waited and waited for his grovelling/remorseful/I love you so much attitude, but after 5 years, all I got was "you are a fucking prude bitch" and a "goddamn tramp".
It took me a long while to get over that I wasn't worth the effort to try and save the marriage. I truly did love him and wanted our marriage to work out.
In the end, we were oil and water and NOTHING could have ever made us work out.
Too many Ddays to count. Enough said!
Remorse is key to R. Kind of a chain reaction, IMHO:
Sadly, since divorce was filed 3/26/2013, don't hold your breath on an apology. You're going to have take charge of your own healing. (It's possible, that's what I did)
The book "How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To" by Janis A. Spring offered offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and with ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these:
*How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead?
*When is forgiveness cheap?
*What is wrong with refusing to forgive?
*How can the offender earn forgiveness?
*How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?
I took sage advice I got here, and spent long hard year looking at my life. I made the decision to D.
If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW
True gutter class!
Really sorry? Not even close.
[This message edited by Happydays at 12:40 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]
I hear you completely. My XWS is the exactly the same. He has not once tried to fight for us. Weirdly, my brother, who sees the best in everyone, took my XWS for a drink the other night. He commented about how shocked he was as my XWS seemed so cold and with his head up his ass. My brother thought that my XWS was on a power trip from being promoted so much at work. Well that's about all he has left now as he constantly put his job and the OW before me and his kids.
Good luck with your D and keep strong. :)
She said she wasn't happy...couldn't tell me why, so she destroyed everyone around her in her quest for what she thinks she is missing in her life.