Topic: What did you wish you should have done when you jfo?
Member # 26970
| Posted: 8:34 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013|
trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf
Posts: 4129 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Member # 21925
| Posted: 9:19 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013|
1.Waited no more than 6 months to D.
2. IC for me. Early and often
3. Journal everything. If I had wrote details down, I wouldn't keep trying to put the pieces together over and over
4. Not told anyone.
5. Wish I had kept my anger under control at work. I wish there wasn't so many skittle farting unicorns that I worked with
BS 43 (me)
Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo
Posts: 1033 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 30877
| Posted: 9:25 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013|
I wish I:
had of thrown him out (even for a few days)
Found SI immediately
Dug down deep to my stubborn Irish roots
Pulled the motors out of the cars and put them in storage
Outed him to his best friend who was frequently used as the cover up (to this day does not know)
D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed
Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
Member # 27105
| Posted: 9:47 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013|
I wish I listened to my gut and not to him
I wish I found SI right away.
I wish I threw him immediately after DDay and D.
I wish I didn't want to hold on sooo tightly that I lost myself and self esteem and self respect.
I wish I believed in ME.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 24210
| Posted: 7:29 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
First DD....no one believed me:
"Oh, he loves you....he would never do that...."
When everyone (including my own mom) in your world is saying this, you start second guessing yourself.
I wish I would of listen to ME and my gut.
I was right - he was running around with many more to come.
I put way more years into "wanting to believe" he wasn't.
I wished I would of D that very first time.
Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.
Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Member # 36004
| Posted: 7:52 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I wish I would have handed my WW divorce papers and walked away.
Did I want a divorce...nope, but it would have stolen all of the power she had to dictate anything.
It would have been a wake up call and things would have gone much differently.
Also, don't think I haven't replayed this in my head a million times.
I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Currently in R
Posts: 350 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
Member # 37863
| Posted: 7:58 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I wish I'd been more concerned about my mental health than my financial health.
I wish I'd left when I found out about the first one.
Me (BS) 42 - Him (WS) 43
DD #1 7/19/10 2 year LTA EA/PA w/MOW - HSXGF#1; DD #2 6/6/12 4 mo EA (PA?) w/HSXGF#2; DD #3 12/15/12 3 week EA with random stranger. A whole crapload of gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, rugsweeping and TT.
Posts: 183 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 22804
| Posted: 10:40 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I wish that I would have trusted my gut 100%. I did file for divorce but dismissed it before it was final.
I should not have dismissed it.
TRUST YOUR GUT.
H-45y M-12 yrs
06.30.12-- full PA with 24y ho-worker
08.16.12 DDay #2-are you f**king kidding me?
07.21.13-Dday #3-filed for divorce the next day
R #2-hopeful but cautious.
Posts: 525 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: emerald city, oz
Member # 30143
| Posted: 1:08 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I wish I had -
Found SI sooner.
Separated for a period.
Told the OW's BS.
Known that men can't be tested for HPV.
Told our son sooner. We just told him after nearly three years. Turns out he was suspicious my husband was having an affair during the affair. And he'd kept that in for three years.
I also wish I had been more demanding and less patient when he didn't meet my requests for information.
The thing was, he confessed to me. I had no idea. So I was in serious shock. And I assumed he really didn't want her since he told me without having to, since I didn't know.
I could have done so much better, but I guess it hasn't really hurt our R. We are doing really well despite my utter cluelessness in the beginning.
Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R
Posts: 1498 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 38723
| Posted: 3:02 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I wish I would have trusted my instincts.
I wish I could of held back, then caught them together.
It could of been so easy, I was just so blind.
I wish I wasn't so trustworthy.
I wish I would have trusted my instincts.
That wish bears repeating...
Married 15 years
Working on R
Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013
♂ New Member
Member # 38292
| Posted: 3:27 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
Kept my feelings in check and said nothing, should've not let on that I knew and found out as much as poss while possible.
Posts: 31 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Uk, midlands
Member # 36746
| Posted: 4:00 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I wish I had trusted my gut!
Found SI right after I discovered or even when I got clues it was happening.
BEEN STRONGER! Stuck up for me!
Not believed the "we are just friends" when I knew it was more!
Not put up with TT for so long!
Demanded the truth right away or get out!!
Not let him weasel his way back into my heart every time so easily, only to find out it was still happening or he was still lying!
Not believe his stupid lies, when I knew I shouldn't!
I wish I had pulled my "bitch boots" on long, long ago! It was the only thing that made him wake up!!
DDay 1 8/22/08
DDay 2 9/22/10
DDay 3 12/22/10 same OW each time. (so called friend)
To many TT's to count, last one Jan. 2013 ugh!
Married 21 years, together 23
4 amazing children, 2DS 2DD
Working on it!
Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 38839
| Posted: 4:08 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
I am just going to reiterate this:
Known that men can't be tested for HPV.
because I attended 2 years of nursing school, am a medical office manager by trade, and *I* didn't know this until very recently. THIS IS IMPORTANT, LADIES AND GENTS. This is cancer we're talking about.
Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 37797
| Posted: 7:16 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013|
--Held myself together and gathered more proof.
--stayed strong and insisted he confess to me and give truthful details, not just agree to what I already knew (and not tell what I already knew)
--send a NC letter/email in my presence
--not come home so easily (maintain separation once established)
--FOUND SI RIGHT AWAY.
Me: BW 50's
Him: WH 60ish
Married all my adult life
LTA, in limbo re: R
Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Eastern seaboard
Member # 32984
| Posted: 7:06 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."
Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 37577
| Posted: 8:47 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013|
I wish I would have left and filed for divorce. We are actually making progress in R, but now I have to live with this for the rest of my life. It's a horrible punishment for an innocent person to live with the pain of betrayal and mind movies. Sometimes I think a new start would have been easier and more deserved.
Me: 43...so betrayed.
Him: WH 46...multiple ONS, in therapy. A work in progress.
D-Months: Nov & Dec 2012. TT.
Married 4 years, together 5.
One beautiful amazing daughter, 15 mos
Posts: 94 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Land of the lost
Member # 37255
| Posted: 10:49 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013|
I wish I would of not acted so freaked out and been calm not tried to use sex to get him to stay I wish I hadn't begged and pleaded just love me not her I wish I could of sheltered my kids from all the mess he created I wish when he did decide to come home I should of made him go to his parents house and then earn his way back home I wish I hadn't made such a fool of myself at Walmart crying so hard I thought I was gna pass out while me and my H were cashing a check so he could have money for him n his op after he had moved in with her and still I wish he hadn't been the only thing in the world I wanted at the time
3 awesome kids
Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
Member # 38314
| Posted: 12:16 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013|
I wish I would have stuck to my original reaction.
"I'm leaving. I don't ever want to see you again. Don't phone me or email me."
At least that way I would have had the satisfaction of leaving her, rather than her leaving me.
[This message edited by phoenixrivers at 12:33 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]
Me: xBetrayedBF (xBBF)
Her: xWaywardGF (xWGF)
"Nobody knows anybody...not that well." Tom Reagan, "Miller's Crossing"
Posts: 139 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Orleans, LA
Member # 32309
| Posted: 12:55 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013|
I had listened to my instincts when I found all the shit about his internet shenanigans.
I wish I had thrown the fucker out and not been so frightened of my own future.
I wish I had followed my gut and gone to eyeball the whore trying to steal my husband.
The 'fuckpig' , as H refers to his shagnasty whore, hates my guts of course, and considers no doubt, in spite of her valiant efforts, that I 'won'.
But what did I win?? A lying, cheating husband. No victory to honour there.
I wish I had handed him to her on a plate and said, "Good luck with that"!
Super thread started here, and I hope it really helps all our new and devastated fellow members.
[This message edited by Diva0702 at 12:56 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]
Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver
Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
Member # 38337
| Posted: 12:15 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013|
I wish I had set some stuff on fire. I think it would have made me feel better.
Lies are manipulations. Always.
Posts: 387 | Registered: Feb 2013
|Topic Posts: 63|