HurtsButImOk started a thread regarding what to do with pictures. Personally, I threw a lot away but I'm holding on to a few wedding pictures for the kids. Then I got to thinking, hey, I should ask the gang (you guys)!
My stbx parents were divorced (no infidelity) and he did not have any pictures of them together at all nor did he want any. His mom remarried and are still married (30+ years) and we didn't have any pictures of that wedding either.
I never thought of it before your question dmari but as a child raised by a single mum with a "disney dad" (divorced due to infidelity I was conceived during seperation - yep thats me the HB baby!!!!) I never even ever asked to see the wedding photos.
Maybe it is relative to how involved the 'absent' parent is. My dad was mostly a no show so past photos were just not important to my brother and I.
"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be". –
LOL - My Dad married OW and she had her wedding pictures up everywhere. HATED seeing them. The day of his funeral was the last time I saw or spoke to her - i heard she moved on really fast like in a month or so.
So to answer your question...no I dont want wedding pictures of my parents. It is a reminder that we were not good enough for my Dad (even though on his deathbed he showed remorse)
My mother accused my dad of cheating on her and cut up her wedding dress in a rage. I was devastated by this as a child. When she died, my dad told me that he never cheated on her and that she spent her whole adult life tormented by something that just wasn't true. I have no reason to doubt him as he talked to me about it at such an emotional time; he was so cut up about the fact she never accepted the truth.
I have their wedding photos and love them. No matter what way you look at it, wedding photographs depict a happy time, a happy day and a milestone in two people's lives. It is a little piece of family history that will no doubt bring sadness to those in the photos if they have since gone their separate ways. It is however still family history and meaningful to the children of that marriage.
Wedding photos of broken marriages evoke mixed emotions.
Personally, I believe keeping them is the right thing to do. Perhaps put them away so that the children of divorcees can decide for themselves whether they would like to keep them or not.
I wouldn't take that choice away from the family and am grateful that my mother didn't destroy hers. I still wish she hadn't destroyed her wedding dress.
DD 1: 27/12/11
DD 2: 16/04/12
Me: 49 (now 50)
WS: 44 (now 45)
OW: 33 (now 34)
Status: Divorcing / Selling our House
Even when my dad remarried and we moved into a new house with our stepmother, Dad hung the pictures in our new rooms. I assume our stepmother was ok with it. I never heard her say anything about it.
All my posts are edited - I hate typos. :)
I like having them, and have saved my wedding photos for my kids to have one day in return.
They aren't able to handle seeing the happiness in the photos and understand why we are now divorced, but as they get older that will change.
What they choose to do with the photos is up to them
Kids: my two reasons for getting through each day
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
I plan to keep our family photos and the wedding pics for the kids. They can do what they please with them in the future.
My mom went through a bohemian phase and took up decoupage -- she hacked up all their photos in what was then I suppose an artistic way (tore the edges to look scalloped) and stuck them onto a plywood circle, slathered the whole thing in laquer and called it a table top.
None of my siblings wanted it after she passed away so I'm still lugging the damn thing around.
Someday I want to mount in on the wall on a spindle so you can spin it around to look at the different pics.
I could have killed her at the time because I'd love to have those photos whole and in an album, but everyone who sees this thing thinks it's awesome.
As others have said, they are reminders to your children of when you both were happy and optimistic. Nothing since will change what was a hopeful start - and you both are their parents for the rest of their lives.
They are small and flat so it's not like they take up a lot of square footage. If you don't want to see them, put them in a box and secure the lid.
History may thank you - and your kids may one day also.
My two cents anyway.
[This message edited by MissMouseMo at 4:29 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]
All that being said, I cherish their wedding photos. It's amazing to me to see them so young, beautiful, and hopeful, before the difficulty of family life together took them down.
My mother told me she realized she'd made a terrible mistake on their honeymoon because my father threw a gigantic fit over a trifle, and there were other ominous events at the time, but she was already pregnant with me. I was born 9 months after their wedding, and 6 more children soon followed, one every year, with miscarriages in between. Again, just the reality of Catholic families in the 60s.
I also treasure the few wedding photos I have (maybe 5 in all) because they are the ONLY images I have of people who died shortly afterward, including both grandfathers and one grandmother. The photos show other relatives looking impossibly young and glowing with happiness on the steps of the church.
I love those pictures. I saved my wedding pictures for my own children because I think they'll appreciate them one day. They are packed away, and I think it will be years before we look at them again.
[This message edited by josie11 at 11:15 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]
I've kept a single photo of the wedding day. The family/group shot.
I hate seeing it or even thinking about it but it is the only photo of my girls entire family all together.
She left the tv-like "Dear John letter" and snuck off to my brother's, which I thought was heartless to tell one sibling and probably my sister, but not me?
Anyway, I don't know if either of them have wedding pictures or my siblings, but I don't. My father would be more likely to hang onto them than her.
If I come across a picture of them together, it makes me cry, fourteen years later.
As for STBXH, its too soon for me so I just left it all when I moved out of the upstairs of our house. I can't even look at it, it makes me cry and throw up. I burned some of his pictues but kept a bunch in the photo albums for DD and baby to be and I didn't touch any in DD's room.
I've wondered if she would ever ask to see any again, for she used to enjoy seeing them.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Both of my parents were married within a year of letting us kids know they were getting a divorce, which means neither let the ink actually dry before diving back into wedded blissdom.
I personally would like to keep at least some pictures of my parent's wedding. It is a part of their history, and my history - and honestly, its not like they hate each other.
I will say though that if you would have asked me 10 years ago, i could have cared less about the pictures - but now...My grandparents are in many of those pictures, and they are no longer with us. An uncle that was killed in a car accident a few years after they married are in some of those pictures....and friends and family...they are there.
At some point it becomes less about the fact that they are at the wedding, and just the fact that they are pictures of them.
Save them, tuck them away, let your kids decide later if they want them for their own memories.
He still likes having pictures of his parents together. I asked my mom about it before and asked if it was painful. She said that it's his parents and he didn't see it that way.
I think we all see things differently. I left all the wedding pictures with EX. I don't know what he did with them.