SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I broke NC because we need to deal with the finances and ended up discussing the affairs. I haven't stopped crying since yesterday because he blamed me for so many things, and the thing is some of them were true. But, I know most of them were his version of history and not the truth. Note to self: listen to SI'ers, don't freaking break the NC. I am definitely regretting that today because I feel like it sent me right back to where I started.

Sorry that happened. We've all been there.

NC gives space and time to detach.

Emails only re finances.

Big hugs. Be good to yourself today.

(((Permanentpain))) I am horrible at NC. I break it all the time. And I always pay the price. My x and I do not have healthy boundaries, but I am working on it. It's hard. Hang in there. Keep NC. You'll be ok.

Permanentpain,

Big hugs for you. Its hard to go through this and go NC when before he was the one you could talk to. It does get easier. And what I do is remember the time I broke NC and the hurtful things STBXH said. It makes it easier not to contact ever.

and the thing is some of them were true.

Even if they were true none of them are reasons to have an affair.

Falling off the NC wagon almost killed me too friend - and I broke NC to give him a piece of my mind.

Lesson learned. Dust yourself off. Remember the source is a fucked up broken piece of shit and remember how this feels next time he sucks you in again,

Keep everything email/SMS from now on.

((pp))

ETA: go and reread your profile. You need to find your anger friend and channel it here.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 4:38 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]

Lesson learned. Dust yourself off.

Remember the source is a fucked up broken piece of shit and remember how this feels next time he sucks you in again,

Keep everything email/SMS from now on.

So true. I just felt so stupid this morning. And you are so right, I did get angry this morning because what he was blaming me for happened 3 years ago, yet no freaking remorse or answers to why he did what he did.... So as the always wonderful Tesla says: FTG

Back to NC again... Thank you all for responding, i was feeling pretty stupid this morning and your responses help so very much.

(((permanentpain)))

I'm so sorry. I did the same thing about a week and a half ago. I called him about the kids, but then we got into it and fought about the A. He again blamed the whole thing on me. I spent the rest of the night crying. I've been NC again since then and feel much better, but will probably slip up again.

As others have said, just dust yourself off. This whole recovery thing is a rollercoaster.

This seems a common pattern. They blame us. My stbx the last time I broke NC which was about a month ago said it is not about his affair but how controlling I am.

And yes I am controlling if that means that I insist that he put his IRA withdrawals, probably spent on the GF, on our joint tax return. he actually said well I paid taxes at the time of withdrawal so I don't have to put it on the return. When did he get so stupid? I just don't remember the guy I married being so dumb.

Don't beat yourself up about it - it takes everyone a few slip ups to steel our resolve. Indifference is your goal here and you will reach it. It starts with true NC.

I slipped up recently, too.. But then I really was great yesterday! Hung up on him when he started cussing me out and then when he tried to text me into a fight I said,,,,email forwarded to my atty.

IT FELT SO GREAT TO NOT ENGAGE THAT I think it will help me next time i want to break NC!

Hang in with us!!!! No contact =no new hurts!

I am so sorry this is happening. If he is blaming you for his decision to betray you and your marriage, he has learned nothing through all this pain. It doesnt matter if every "reason" he gives is the gospel truth- NOTHING caused his choice but him.

Every "relationship" he has from now on will be a repeat of the mistakes he made with your M. Like a tornado, he will continue to rip through lives and never find peace until he faces what is broken in himself. However, you are growing and strengthening yourself. You will come out stronger.

Dont beat yourself for remaining loving and tender.

I did the same thing. I have not had any contact with the Pig for nearly two months. At my father's urging, I texted him because of an issue with moving my son's stuff out of the house. Well, that opened up the dam. So, I have decided to change my home phone number and my cell number so he can't call or text me. I have blocked his email address. I get way too upset when I have any contact with him - this is for my sanity!! I told my attorney to tell his attorney that the numbers have been changed and that the only contact will be through the attorneys. We all have our moments, but I have learned my lesson this time. No more contact with him!!

(((permanentpain)))