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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

I'm not glad to be here but am happy to have met you all.

Have a great Christmas and a better New Year.

Aas


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 680 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
NoAnswers37
♀ Member
Member # 40592
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas Aas, hope you have a wonderful day with your boys tomorrow.


Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas aas, have a great day with your boys tomorrow.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1870 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, December 25th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas AAS. Hearing of your son caring about more about when he will be with you than about Christmas brought tears to my eyes. He has his priorities straight, because you are a loving and great Dad!

Hoping tomorrow is a wonderful day for you and your sons.

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

enjoy today brother!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2791 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Boxing Day!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4785 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello and Happy new Year all.

So very sad to see we have even more members joining our little sanctuary. I am so sorry that you are here. It gets better but only very slowly.

Christmas wasn't all that bad. Thanks to the judge I saw my children for half of the available time which is a lot more than I would have got if CSTBXWW's had her deulded way. She prevented me from speaking with them on Christmas day. I wasn't surprised and now I use these hateful actions to bolster my position in court.

This year is shaping up nicely.

CSTBXWW rejected my offer for the house and the court ruled that I should obtain revised valuations as it has gone up since. The new valuations are less than my offer so she's going to blow a gasket about that.

She still hasn't provided her pension information as ordered by the court so I imagine she's hiding something. She WILL NOT get it all her own way.

I ended a brief relationship I was having. I realised I just couldn't give her my heart and I'm still too raw. I feel very guilty that I hurt her and that was only after seeing her for a couple of months. If the guilt is linear with time, my CSTBXWW should be slitting her wrists with guilt, but alas......

Here's to 2014 FTB


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 680 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy New Year AAS.

I think you have come a very long way, in really a short time. I also think that Karma will catch her, and while she is too selfish to slit her wrists, you may get a glimpse of the mess she has created in her own life.

Find peace and happiness that you are doing the right thing for you boys. They know Dad will not tolerate love that is not authentic, and true. They will be great men because of that.

I hope you take some time as a single guy to find and make your own happiness with yourself. While companionship is nice, I feel learning to be happy all on your own is essential to really healing, and ultimately finding the true happiness we all desire in life.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8420 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi allatsea, I'm glad that you had a good Christmas with your boys. It was a shame that CSTXWW couldn't put the boys first on Christmas Day and allow them to talk with you for a short while - for their sakes if not for yours - but sadly it's what you've come to expect from her. That she couldn't stop you having your rightful time with them just because she didn't want you to have it must have infuriated her. It really isn't all going her way now is it...what with the new valuation and you standing firm about the pensions... Oh well. As ye sow and all that...

I think you've been wise too, in realising you're not ready for a serious relationship yet and although I am sad your lady friend got hurt, it's better that you were honest with her.

You're sounding strong right now aas, and unlike your ex - I think your life going forward in 2014 will be on a healthy path.

Here's wishing you and your boys a good year to come.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1870 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 3rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey AAS!

We don't have Boxing Day in the US but you and your boys were on my mind. Glad is was all good!

I am sorry about your relationship fizzle. At least you're honest!

Take care my SI friend. And cheers to your sign off:

Here's to 2014 FTB

[This message edited by Getting to Happy at 11:34 AM, January 3rd (Friday)]


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't posted for a while.

I really do appreciate the kind thoughts people have for me on this site.

Time is healing albeit very slowly.

CSTBXWW continues to drag out the division of assets and refuses point blank to enter into any negotiation about anything whatsoever. The judge has ordered another hearing for March. Therefore, she will be 7 months pregnant by then. One would imagine that she would be keen to settle and move on and reduce the stress levels to her unborn fucklet.

I have discovered that she is having a boy. This actually made me chuckle as we already have two boys and I know she always wanted a girl. There is also the fact that young boys are much harder work than young girls - At least that's my understanding.

The other thing that's becoming more and more apparent is the excitement my boys have when they are delivered to their home to be with me. They have always been affectionate but now they are thrilled to see me, bring drawings and notes, are very cuddly and thoroughly enjoy the story I read them every night. I don't want to pump them for information and maybe they are just as happy at their other house but I think not.

CSTBXWW has received a couple of New Year lawyer letters from me. She will be seething at the content of them. I don't expect to get a reply but the judge will deal with that in due course.

FTB

[This message edited by allatsea at 4:00 AM, January 9th (Thursday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 680 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my experience, boys are harder to raise. My daughter was easier than my son.... Sleeping through the night, potty training, etc. Girls, in my experience, learn quicker than boys and are less reliant. Hopefully, in your STBXW's case, is will follow true and the lurveeee next will fall apart.
Crying baby,
Bills,
Stress
Lack of sleep
Shitty diapers.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other thing that's becoming more and more apparent is the excitement my boys have when they are delivered to their home to be with me. They have always been affectionate but now they are thrilled to see me, bring drawings and notes, are very cuddly and thoroughly enjoy the story I read them every night.

That is just so nice to read aas. I remember reading to my sons when they were small boys too, putting on character voices for them and loving those stories anew for myself as I shared their joy in them. It was a special time and one they still remember with great fondness to this day. Your sons will be the same aas. You are building strong memories with them that CSTXWW will never be able to take away. I love that they draw you pictures and think about you when they are in their 'other' home, I can just imagine how much that means to you.

I really can't understand your CSTXWW - you'd think she would want to try to get this all settled as quickly as possible, rather than have this stress whilst pregnant. But then again, I think her general level of resentment towards you is such that she would rather cut her nose off to spite her face than negotiate with you. In her mind you still being the cause of *all* of her problems of course.. I wonder whose fault anything that goes wrong in her life will be once you really have finalised everything? I doubt the Gru will be quite so smug if it turns out to be him.

Anyway, I'm glad to read that you're healing aas no matter how slow it may be, it's all forward motion and I'm sure that it will be you who will reach indifference towards her before she ever does towards you. In fact, I'd lay a bet that it will you who will be healed, healthy and happy first.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1870 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, January 9th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One would imagine that she would be keen to settle and move on and reduce the stress levels to her unborn fucklet.

Sorry, AAS, I just had to laugh at that.


BH-46
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2052 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the first time in 11 months CSTBXWW has entered into negotation. Prior to this she would not even discuss settlement via mediator or lawyers.

She sent me an offer of financial settlement directly. Her expectation is still as deluded as every other aspect of her life and she believes I should give her as much money as possible so that she can buy her dream house with Gru, but at least it's a start.

I think her solicitor is finally getting through to her that she will lose even more money if she keeps on fighting. A couple more cleverly worded letters from me to her solicitor seems to have got her sweating. I await her reply to my counter offer which has facts rather than assumptions in it.

Although I can't/ won't/ don't want her back, it still hurts when she said she wants enough money to be able to buy her own home with Gru. She is still fully entrenched in her love affair and I can just picture them spending their evenings looking through property ads and dreaming of their new life together with my children and their fucklet.

I often think that maybe they do love each other and they are genuinely happy but then I think that if that was the case she wouldn't be so spiteful, cruel and nasty to me once the affair was out.

Ultimately we have spent 11 months and 20 thousand pounds fighting for exactly what I offered her back in March.

Incredulous with disappointment, to say the least.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 680 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
self-rescuer
♀ Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ultimately we have spent 11 months and 20 thousand pounds fighting for exactly what I offered her back in March.

The stinkin cyclical nature of the infidelity/divorce journey is brutal. If it could only be linear. If we only had to live through these trials one time. Damn.

But we are proud of you and you continue to show strength and tenacity that inspires us all.



BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 502 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have known men IRL who get so beaten down by the divorce process and their (usually) WW's antics that they just give in and give it all to the bitches!

I am so proud of you that you are standing strong and not letting CSTBXWW beat you down. I know it must be so draining in many ways. The men IRL that I know who gave in always live to regret it.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9628 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm still stuck on "fucklet". I'll be chuckling all day...


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4066 | Registered: Sep 2005
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((AAS))))

It's way to soon to assume that they will live "happily ever after"! They haven't even dealt with night feedings and a colicky baby yet.

It is, of course, possible that they truly love each other. But statistically relationships that start from an A have about a 10% chance of succeeding. And she could be so nasty because somewhere deep inside she realizes that all her accusations towards you were baseless and she is actually ashamed of herself.

When it's all said and done your future is no longer about her. It would be better for your children if she were in a stable relationship, rather than a toxic one, as hard as that is to stomach.

Sometimes life just is massively unfair.

Keep up the awesome job and strength that you have shown so far!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1728 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, January 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy Christ, that's about $33,000 USD.

Also, what does the C stand for?


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

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