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Newest Member: lynnde (44729)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Moving out of state?
lackofcolor
♀ New Member
Member # 38784
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prior to finding out about the OW, WH and I were making a plan to move back to my home state. I had already interviewed and pretty much landed a job when I found out and then the company had to postpone hiring. We moved to our current location 18 months ago and though I love my job here, when we moved here we left my family, whom I'm very close with, behind. Being away from my family, particularly my niece and nephew who are DD's age and her best friends, has been really hard. My niece is having medical issues and my sister is also divorcing so the pull to be with family during their hard times (as well as my own) is strong. To add to the stress, DD has never adjusted to the move...even at her young age, she still breaks down and cries once a week, wanting to move back to our "old home". So, this move is partially for me, but also, as WH and I have both agreed, in DD's best interest.

Add the A to the mix and I'm pretty much done here. We only moved here because WH got a job here (which he applied for, and interviewed for, without telling me, but that's about par for the course with him.)

I've interviewed for three jobs back in my home state, and things seem to be moving quickly, so my fingers are crossed. WH was and still is okay with moving, and is STILL okay with us leaving the state without him. He still thinks it's in DD's best interests (I have this in chat transcripts with date/time stamps should this ever be up for debate.) His plan is also to move back, so it's not like I would be taking her away from him out of spite -- the plan is that he would eventually move as well so we'd all still end up in the same state. Right now he doesn't have any job opportunities lined up. I wouldn't want to keep DD away from him -- He's a good and devoted father, just a crappy husband. (He also thinks once he finds a job he'll just move in with us and we'll be one big happy family, which makes me realize how little he understands the hell he's put me through.)

My question is -- should I be concerned about any legal issues once DD and I have moved, especially since he approves of the move? I don't expect him to be selfish and pull any kind of stunts to try to keep us here, but then I didn't expect him to be selfish and have an A, either.


ME - BS 33, HIM - WH 30
Daughter age 5
Together since 2001
Married 2005

DD#1 2/23/13, online EA. Claimed NC but A continued until 3/20/13 when OW called it off. DD#2 4/4/13.

DD #3 9/21/13 2nd EA (with employee). He leaves.

Pursuing divorce.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2013
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to state my opinion, but I think to me with you moving out of state, it is the beginning of the end of your marriage. Sending you good thoughts


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1619 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
lackofcolor
♀ New Member
Member # 38784
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am definitely okay with that. That would probably still happen even if i didn't move.


ME - BS 33, HIM - WH 30
Daughter age 5
Together since 2001
Married 2005

DD#1 2/23/13, online EA. Claimed NC but A continued until 3/20/13 when OW called it off. DD#2 4/4/13.

DD #3 9/21/13 2nd EA (with employee). He leaves.

Pursuing divorce.


Posts: 18 | Registered: Mar 2013
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would definitely move while still married and then wait until you have established a long enough residency in your state before filing for divorce. That way, the divorce would go through your home state and would allow you to stay there. If you file in your current state, he could keep you there.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 879 | Registered: Mar 2013
LisaP
♀ Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto newlysingle...

I am stuck in my state because I stupidly let XH move us here. XH has tried to get me to relocate somewhere else but now I stay because the kids have established relationships and my daughter is heading to HS next year. For their stability, I am sticking around till each is out of HS.


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2182 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
pointmagnet
♂ Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation is out-of-state, but a little different.

My STBXWW decided last year it would be easier for her and her boyfriends if she didn't have the nuisance of having our 16yr old son around the house.... So she decided to move him out of state to live with his brother and sis-in-law....(without my approval I might add)

That was the final straw for me, so I filed a couple of weeks later and moved in with my two boys and daughter-in-law. (I own the house where they live, so it really wasn't a stretch)...

The divorce has been going slow, because I am not in the state where I filed and don't have a very good relationship with my lawyer.

Visitation is going to turn out to be a bummer for the WW as my son (now 17) has a job and all his friends are here... I doubt he's going to want to spend the whole summer with his adulterous mother... Especially since I have found out she has a couple of boyfriend trips planned already.

I wish she and one of her tricks would just get married already so I could be free of that alimony bullcrap.


Me (BS): 53
Her (WW): 51
Married: A long time
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Done

Posts: 474 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
hathnofury
♀ Member
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would definitely move while still married and then wait until you have established a long enough residency in your state before filing for divorce. That way, the divorce would go through your home state and would allow you to stay there. If you file in your current state, he could keep you there.

This was my L's advice when I explored my options in a similar scenario. Get his blessing (in an email, in writing, on tape, something tangible he can't deny later) and find out how quickly you can get residency in your new state. Once you have it, THEN file. Don't let on what you are doing, or he can file where you are now and make things very complicated for you. Confirm all this with a L (here and there), but I am pretty sure that is the case.


BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1469 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 7

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