Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dumb note from old BF...what the hell...
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This morning I received a Linked in message from a guy I was with for 5 years in my early 20s. (I am now in my early 50's) The relationship went no where and we broke up and I moved on and got married. He was really good at words of affirmation which kept me with him, he telling me how beautiful and amazing I was and asking me to marry him blah blah blah, but in those days I did not see that this was all talk and no action. In fact years later I realized he was with another woman while we were together.

We stayed in very loose touch but I was with my X for 20 years so we didn't talk much at all. once every 3-4 years. When D-Day happened and the divorce process started a girl friend ran in to him and let him know I was getting divorced. He wrote me a 6 page single spaced typed letter about how I cut him off and he had back surgery and I didn't care he was in pain and how we should put our relationship in a box and throw away the key. His letter seemed stunningly all about him with little concern for me at a time I was in extreme emotional pain from the divorce...I never responded.

Today I got this:

"I'd LOVE to add you to my contacts, InnerLight but after 17 years of icy silence, I'm guessing that just isn't going to happen.
After all of these years I still miss you, and Imiss hearing about your life. I'm so sorry you are still so angry with me. No chance for redemption before I die?"
-XSO

WTF?

His narcissism is so stunningly apparent to me now. I can't believe I wasted so much of my young life on this guy.

I can't imagine an appropriate response to this ridiculous note. Any ideas?

[This message edited by InnerLight at 10:55 AM, April 9th (Tuesday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5796 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a douche....No response is best in this case.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13719 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I would reply, "talk to Jesus", then I would notify LinkedIn that you do not know him.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6534 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He gets crickets. Since however you respond will be interpreted in his usual way to be ALL ABOUT HIM, its best to just leave it alone.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3081 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Responding to a narcissist is like trying to reason with a drunk - there's no point in even trying.

NC InnerLight - don't give him any energy.

What a jerk....


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4456 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy dodged bullet from the past, InnerLight.

Crickets indeed.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24961 | Registered: Aug 2011
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...but after 17 years of icy silence...
Hey, why break a streak like that now?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3722 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my, we are high on ourselves aren't we?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17317 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thought is crickets too, which was my response to his 6-pager. But do you think I need to tell him to stop contacting me so that he doesn't keep trying every few years? You know, harassment is not harassment until you've clearly said 'No' and 'Stop'.

If I did respond, it would be...
"I don't enjoy reading your notes and letters, please stop contacting me. I wish you well but I don't want to hear from you again."

I wish I had taken a course in how to spot and a avoid a narcissist when I was a young woman. It's so obvious to me now that he is, but back then I was easily flattered and boy did I waste years on this guy.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 4:23 PM, April 9th (Tuesday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5796 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, April 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't recommend any contact with him. Wishing him well is just the response he's looking for - VALIDATION.

Ignore.

Delete.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21039 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Topic Posts: 10

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.