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Newest Member: Unrepairable (44283)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife had one night stand and I am having a rough time
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The irony of all this, which I am sure you already appreciate, is that you have to maintain a loving affectionate relationship, full of validation, even though you would prefer to be angry and hostile as a reflection of your pain.

Either that or drive you wife into the arms of another OM. Just doesn't seem fair does it. Apply the 180, sleep in another bedroom, no affection and she would probably eventually leave.

Thats why I think you're doing a good job rebuilding your marriage and laying off talking so much about the betrayal. Just don't slowly revert back to the bad relationship and you will be OK.

You have to live with the images of her with the OM; she has to live with her unfaithful wife status, reduced trust and the permanent stain she has visited on the marriage. Also the undermining of her christian principles. You are probably better off.


Posts: 1691 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to disagree. Tdr will not drive his WW into another A by talking about it. He doesn't have that kind of power. She chooses to remain faithful or she chooses to cheat.

He needs to put his own needs first now and if that means getting angry then so be it.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
idiot85
♂ Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ha I agree with isadora again- if it's even possible to drive her into the other bloke's arms- what are you doing? You definitely need to do what you need to do to help you right now- it's clear you're hurting badly so you need to concentrate on you instead.

[This message edited by idiot85 at 6:13 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
tdreampol
♂ New Member
Member # 38933
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I am not at all worried about driving her in to the arms of another. And after all this, if she wants to go i will let her. My plan is to work on myself, help both of us heal. Work on our marriage. Tell her I don't want to her to leave, in other words let her know I love her. But never begging or anything like that. If she still want's and A or another man, then i'm out. One chance at R is what is given. I can't do another. This is all very clear to her, and she is very thankful for the chance. But no, she will never go back to the AP, I have no doubt of that. Not even a relapse. and yes, I will never treat her badly or be cruel. But I will put myself and our kids first for a long time.

[This message edited by tdreampol at 7:15 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]


Posts: 33 | Registered: Apr 2013
tdreampol
♂ New Member
Member # 38933
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, April 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so hurray, looks like I am triggering like crazy tonight and get the movies. so exciting!

the stop sign thing works for the small ones, but not the really bad ones. any advice?? :(


Posts: 33 | Registered: Apr 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she's truly remorseful, talk it out. If she's sleeping, wake her. Her CHOICE to start all this. Dealing with the fallout is merely one of the consequences.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2551 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No there is no way to stop all triggers, you have to ride them out and just not fight them. Talking it out helps


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Topic Posts: 67
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