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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I snooped last night wwyd?
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO phone was plugged into his computer to backup info from iTunes... He fell asleep and i snooped.. He's been talking to and texting his ex wife who is in another country.... The ladt text was March 30 while i was out with friends bringing in my birthday on March 31st... From what i gathered she asked him to buy her seat covers .... Then she said it was too expensive to call him on his cell and her Magic Jack (whts that?) isn't connected.... Then she texted back and its working so call her at home.... He never called then she said i guess you cant call so talk to u when you can.... Then he sent a text asking was she stll awake? And explained to her that he fell asleep...
Thats the last text i saw....

I know they are talking through this Magic Jack method....

How would u proceed?
If i say something he'd know i read his text.... Shes thousands of miles away but what bugs me is he is some what distant.... No touches or rubs on the back etc... In the past i ask him when was the last time he texted or talked to A?? Because you are being distant whats going on??

Not sure what to say...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Magic Jack is a fairly new phone system, not sure if it is internet based or through the power lines but somehow you plug this device in and then you can hook a phone up to it and it gives very low cost phone service. I am really surprised that it works for international calls but OK maybe so...

I have mixed feelings about this. First of all do they have any kids or financial connections still? If they have either of those then IMO contact will and should continue. If it is routine stuff then I could see him not even thinking about saying anything.

If not then HMMM.

My first thought is to not put anything into it. But if it just started then I would wonder why he hadn't said anything about it but does he chat with or talk to other women (non romatically) and tell you? If he is pulling away from you then I'd would wonder why and maybe you should ask about that. Especially if it is something really obvious.

Is there a way that you can nonchalantly steer the conversation to his ex-wife and then ask if he ever talks to her anymore. If he lies then you have you answer. If he says he does you can act surprised and ask why or what about. It does seem odd that she wants him to buy her seat covers.

[This message edited by gahurts at 8:03 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ga... Nope no children between the two of them... The text between them is like they talk everyday like its not a strange request to adk for seat covers..kwim?? I'm reading into this probly more than i should....

Thats a good idea to bring up his puling away then steering the convo....

I know that he's been doing this investment crap and she has quit a bit of money so he maybe trying to sweeten her up to get some funds.... There i go again reading into it more than i should but thats the only thing i could think of.... He's talked with his sons about it, his mother and best friiend and whoever else will listen... Lol!!

Does have other female friends and he usually tell me that he spoked to so and so today....

Thanks i will have that discussion tonight...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Magic Jack is an internet based phone service. I had one when I lived abroad. I paid a monthly fee, plugged a phone into my computer (connected to the internet) and anyone in the US could call me on my US number for normal US rates. It basically creates a US based "landline" phone, anywhere in the world.

I would ask him about it. If you can't communicate openly, I don't see where the relationship can be successful anyway.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13784 | Registered: Jul 2011
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with previous posters. If you can't openly and honestly communicate, then there are some really big issues between the two of you. Good luck with your talk tonight!


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We do not have a problem communicating but my question was basically...how can i bring up the ex without leading on that i snooped?

We will have the convo tonight...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO lying to him about how you found the information is not openly communicating.

"after you fell asleep last night I got curious and looked at your phone" might be a good way to lead off.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13784 | Registered: Jul 2011
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO lying to him about how you found the information is not openly communicating.

"after you fell asleep last night I got curious and looked at your phone" might be a good way to lead off.

^^^ This 100%. Did you look through his phone because of his distance lately? Tell him the truth, you looked through his phone because you weren't feeling secure in the relationship. You know you should have just talked to him about if before it got to that point.

This guy gives me the hebe-jebbies. Even if he is only talking to her to get her to give him money to invest, that still seems shady. He is essentially asking for money to "gamble" from all these people.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how can i bring up the ex without leading on that i snooped?

I would ask him, not accusingly, straight up if he was talking to his ex. If he says yes, ask some leading questions.

You will find out if he is lying or not. If he is.. Big red flag. Big one.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he will say "yes... she wants me to buy her seat covers, and we talk periodically because of x and y". If he lies, that's where it is a problem.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I must be damaged. I'd put a key logger in and start planning an exit. Communication is great when you are dealing with someone honest but a wayward deep in the fog is just going to gaslight and rug sweep legitimate concerns. Better to know what you are dealing with before you show your hand.

Posts: 3441 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm jaded and cautious, so I think the consistent contact and content would be enough for me to be done.

However we all have to define what's important to us in a relationship....what are your deal breakers idkam?


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
SouthernGal
♀ Member
Member # 27315
Default  Posted: 3:50 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she has all this money that he wants her to give to him then why does she want/need him to buy her seat covers?

I agree with Ama. Just be straight forward and see what he does and says.


BS (Me) XWH (him) M nearly 16 yrs
1 DD (teens)
D-day #1 12/09, #2 2/10
Divorced 10/6/10

Posts: 3862 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The Deep (Fried) South
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so goofy i thought my post disappeared. As it turns out i posted in NB not OT lol!!!

So heres what happened last night....
I asked what was the name of this investment/ trade thingy called... He said its ForEx (Foreign Trade) then i asked what are you trading and he said currencies and explained tome how he set it up etc.... So i asked how much funds dif he put into it and he said X$'s and i asked how much did A (exwife) put into it.... He gave me strange look and ssid why would i ask her for money?? We dont talk about that kinda stuff and i said okay so what are talking to her about?? I looked at your text and saw that you too had been texting and talking... He said i do mot have a problm with you looking at my text, i do not text anything to anyone that i wouldnt want you to see....he said she asked me to buy her some seat covers because she cant get them there... I said when did you last talk to her then he said it was back in Dec but i
couldnt find them... I said when was
the last time you talked to her?? He said a couple of weeks ago... I said i find it strange that you talk to her and you two dont have any children together so why are you talking to her?? He said i told her i would get her some seat covers....i told him i can tell when you have talked to her bc you become distant... He said he didnt notice thats what he was doing and i said yes it feels that way to
me...he said ok.... Then he said he
will show me how the trading works...

Let me clear up some things.... He's not during the trading haphazardly he knows a little bit about trades, stocks, bonds etc bc of the years he spent at Merrill Lynch... He's not someone that will try and take advantage of
another person either....he is a good
guy and i love him so leaving him bc he talked
to/ texted his ex twice is not reason enough for me.....

Thanks everone for your feedback....


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 13

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