Forgiveness is something that is very unique to every person and each situation. Don't worry about whether you're "supposed" to or not. This is your heart, your journey.
I'm so sorry for the recent discovery - each new revelation is like a fresh knifewound. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and remember that you don't have to have any answers right now. Right now it's about breathing and taking care of yourself and your precious children.
When you feel like you have time to process, please share how you found out about the EA's. There might be an indicator in there as to how this is going to shake out.
Just take things in small doses. We're here for you.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 1:55 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]
I agree with Jrazz. You don't need to decide right now. Some people know right away that it is a deal breaker. Others, it takes time and at least a try at trying to R. Others don't even get the chance to R if their partner cuts and runs.
What IS important is that YOU take care of YOU!
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
I will ask a couple of questions you need to be thinking of. Can you live with him knowing he has done this for 13 years? Can you live with him knowing he will never tell you the truth unless you find proof? Can you live with him wondering if he is having an EA or PA with someone else if he is not showing remorse?
It doesn't sound like he is showing much remorse. Right now, take care of your self and your children. You do not have to decide now, do it in your own time.