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Newest Member: roseyposey (44693)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New here and need help
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baldwin,
So obviously, according to your warped perspective, SI posters who offer advice contrary to the mainstream, are in effect beating up the individual seeking advice. Ridiculous.

I rather think you get irritated with people who have opinions that disagree with yours, hence your condescending, unwarranted attack on my life experience, which is far more developed than yours incidentally.

I can certainly understand how people can lie and manipulate, but I can also see that a man in a happy marriage [bunnie spouse] would be open to heeding a stern warning rather than taking it underground. Afterall he is in a relationship of substantial value, why would he take marriage ending risks 'if the game is up' so as to speak.
It would be foolishness.

As for whose being sneaky, well.......

The posters on this thread obviously believe the end justify the means. Never take the high road and trust someone when you have keyloggers. O brave new world with such people in it.

Shakespeare for those lacking in life's experience.


Posts: 1704 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baldwin,
So obviously, according to your warped perspective, SI posters who offer advice contrary to the mainstream, are in effect beating up the individual seeking advice. Ridiculous.
I rather think you get irritated with people who have opinions that disagree with yours, hence your condescending, unwarranted attack on my life experience, which is far more developed than yours incidentally.

You offered her advice, she politely refused it several times. You wouldn't let it go but instead tried to frighten her. You should have backed off and respected her decision. I am not the first poster to comment on your behavior. You embarrassed yourself and now you want to say that I have a warped perspective because I agreed. Bunnie posted looking for help from SIer's not to have someone badger her. If it makes you feel better to malign me, go ahead. I found your remarks hilarious. Looks like you are the one that gets irritated with people who have opinions that disagree with you. If you really feel like I "attacked" your life experience then I apologize as that is far from the truth. I was very surprised that you thought so as that is not what I stated in my post nor what I meant. I really am sorry that it was worded in such a way that it was perceived as such by you. I did not intend to insult you nor inflict any hurt upon you. I made an observation based on your posts just as you are free to do with mine. I have no idea what experiences you have had nor do I pretend to know. You know nothing of my life experiences so your trying to compare the two is bizarre.

If my defending Bunnie makes you unhappy, well this is the internet and you will get responses that you may or may not like. I have had my hand slapped by a few SI folks when I was wrong. It hurt my feelings at first but on reflection, I realized they were right and I issued apologies. Live and learn.

The posters on this thread obviously believe the end justify the means. Never take the high road and trust someone when you have keyloggers. O brave new world with such people in it.

That is why the Surviving Infidelity site exist, because we did "trust" and took the high road during our marriage. Unfortunately, our spouses didn't. The old adage "trust but verify" is excellent advice.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
bunnie
♀ New Member
Member # 38953
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Baldwin and Chicky for coming to my defense, it is greatly appreciated. She didn't scare me, it would take a lot more than that to scare me off of what I'm doing which is trusting and verifying.

Oknow,
I do not mind your divergent opinions. Imagine my humiliation when I see what my husband views on line, while in a very sexually satisfying marriage. I don't worry about humiliating him with my putting a logger on his machine, actually I think he would be proud of me for figuring it out!

Now he might be very angry if he had something to hide. I actually asked him for his password to FB last week and he didn't want to give it up, and he didn't. I said people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. He said he had nothing to hide, then I discovered his computer history. Which he actually wasn't hiding, but he went to his bank website, then clicked on xdating.com ????
BIG RED FLAG.

As the ladies stated, the reason this site exists is because of cheating spouses. Cheaters lie.

Again, if you look around the site you will see hundreds of women and men in what they thought were perfect marriages, and perfect relationships who's spouses cheated. So just because my husband is in a happy marriage, he still may want to get some "strange" on the side. Is this out of character for him? YES.

But he has a huge sexual appetite and how am I to know if I am enough for him? I'm sorry that you just don't get it.

I would take the "high road" and bring it up with him if I had a little more information to begin with. When a man clicks on a dating site on a porn website, do you think that he is taking the "high road"? HE clicked the site. I'm just checking on what he's so interested in on that site.

I am just evening out the playing field for myself.

Cheating is war and I'm just using all the weapons available to me just in case.

Look in the CYBER CHEATING thread in the I CAN RELATE FORUM and you may begin to understand.

Yes so far so good as far a chatting or emailing from his home laptop, but I have no idea what the man does for greater than 60 hours a week when he is out of this house commuting and working. He could be doing stuff on his work Ipad, or his work computer, He is the owner of the entire system at work, he's the only IT guy at work so he doesn't have to worry about anyone catching him there.

If I were to bring this up to him at home, he may just take it to his work computers (underground)and I would never never know.

I am protecting myselfhere using the key logger. This way I don't make assumptions and operate on assumptions, I am operating with the FACTS of the situation, which so far are vindicating him.

Thank you for your comments, I will continue to monitor his on-line activity with no guilt or fear of any anger or legal trouble from him for my piece of mind.


Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2013
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any time bunnie! I as many others here have been there. And the truth is cheating isn't about sex. On the surface maybe, but deep down, no. I'm the perfect example of that. My fWH and I had a very active sex life and what I assumed was a happy marriage. At the time of his affair, we were (and still do) having sex 5x a week! Yet he still had the energy to get it on the side from an ex girlfriend all the while sneaking, lying, blameshifting, you name it! I wish I had known about this site back then. I definitely could have gone on the offensive and caught him a year before I finally figured out why my gut was screaming at me!! I also could have had a heads up when he took it underground MANY times before finally pulling his head out of his ass. So I applaud you. Keep verifying if that will quell the unease you feel. And, if you find him up to no good, cut him off at the knees!


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 540 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Topic Posts: 44
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