SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Really stupid of me to "forget" this guy is NPD.

He was in Mexico for 2 weeks with MOW.

It's the 2nd anniversary of their first physical encounter. Blech.

It was also his 48th birthday.

The kids have his birthday on their calendars. They knew he was in Mexico.

They also had a karate belt test on that day.

As soon as dumbass got back he sent a message to see the kids. I thought he was coming back on April 7th so we had other plans. He had actually told me that he would "be gone" from March 23 to April 7th so I was surprised to hear from him on the 5th.

I didn't hear from him for the next 2 days (over the weekend). I started to get ideas that he was planning something, some revenge or I don't know what. I went to my IC and she said that my reaction was emotional and on an intellectual level I knew that he was not planning anything. True enough.

So on Tuesday he tries to call me. My ring tone for him is Darth Vader's Theme from Star Wars, The Imperial March. A work collegue made a comment about it and I just said the ring tone was appropriate.

He left a voicemail that he "wanted to chat".

Sent me in a tailspin. I was shaking. I am at my former work location where most of the bad communications happened at the beginning of this mess and I triggered badly.

When I was calm I called him back since he indicated he wanted to talk about the kids.

Do you know what he wanted?

He wanted to know why the kids didn't try to contact him on his birthday. Because he doesn't like his birthday and it's difficult for him since he is heading for 50 and he was upset they didn't at least message him.

WTF?

He went to Mexico to be with her on his birthday. His birthday has ALWAYS been the most important and a big deal was always to be made in his NPD fashion. So, being with MOW should have been the ultimate birthday extravaganza.

I just said that I thought the whole point of this trip was to have fun on HIS birthday. He responded by saying my name in a chastising fashion.

My question is:

Do you think that it's my responsibility to make the kids acknowledge his birthday?

Add these facts:

1. he didn't call THEM for 2 weeks while he was gone

2. he NEVER messages when he's with MOW

3. he didn't tell them until the day before he left that he was going.

I just can't believe that all he wanted was a message on his very difficult 48th birthday. How pathetic.

Do you think that it's my responsibility to make the kids acknowledge his birthday?

IMO, no. It's on their calendar, that's enough.

Nah. He's just trolling for attention. "Remember MY IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY, Lola? Boo hoo! Why didn't MY children contact ME on MY IMPORTANT BIRTHDAY!??" *commence crocodile tears*

FTG, that NPD weenie.

Thanks Ama!

Makes me feel a little better.

Exactly, trying, exactly.

And also, he took them to dinner Monday night and he always comes in when he drops them instead of just staying outside. He pretends to want to see the dog.

I think he wanted me to compliment him on his tan.

Also, his new kind of effeminate thigh length leather jacket.

I think he wanted me to compliment him on his tan.

Also, his new kind of effeminate thigh length leather jacket.

stop ... I'm dying ...

Phew ... thanks for that laugh!! I am so sorry you triggered with his phone call. Rest assured that you did everything right!! His birthday is on the calendar ... nuff said.

What the hell was he expecting?!?! No, don't tell me. I know it's going to be so insanely idiotic that I won't be able to stop laughing again!

What an idiot.

My reply would have been the kids didn't message you because they hadn't heard from you in the two weeks you decided to run off and spank your monkey with the troll. They figured you didn't want them bothering you.

I think he wanted me to compliment him on his tan.

Also, his new kind of effeminate thigh length leather jacket.

Oh. Such a good response DM.

Yep he certainly does not want the kids bothering him.

Do you think that it's my responsibility to make the kids acknowledge his birthday?

No. Despite his wishes it is also not your job to make him the kind of father that kids want to call on his birthday. That's his job now. Too bad he can't sack himself.

Take a mental note to not answer any of his calls. Everything via text/email. You'll avoid these ridiculous conversations and the attendant triggers.

Oh yes SBB I learned the hard way to let his calls go to voicemail. I listen then wait an hour to message him back. He's learning but hard to train.

It's so much better now that I give him no information about me. We are strangers now. He is Not recognizable to me except when he's a bully. I know that mask all too well.

It's better now but not quite ideal yet. I'll keep working at it.

Lola are you sure we weren't married to the same man Waiting for a compliment on his new clothes (in my case it was a pair of skinny jeans and short zip up boots...I kid you not). HIS Birthday was the most special day of the year. So what would happen if you had a room full of NPD's and they all shared the same birthday? Who would get to blow out the candles first and whose name would be used for the Happy Bday song???

Good question GRM! Wouldn't it be great if they all DID share a birthday and no one else in the world except N's had that birthday..... Instant identification! They'd do what they always do and steal the traits of those generous people they collect for supply and it would be "When is your birthday?" .... "OMG, MINE TOO! We must be soulmates."

Reminds me of a joke,

How many N's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

One. He holds it up and waits for the world to revolve around him.

**** so close to the truth it almost isn't funny

t/j

OMG, we have the same ring tone!!

My stbx know about it, we're both pretty big sci-fi fans. I thought it was funny and appropriate. He doesn't seem to mind. When the boys asked about it I told them it was b/c he is their father in my best darth vader voice.

haha

end t/j

fuck that guy

In my experience, expecting the kids to drip with adoration on HIS birthday is a hallmark NPD thing. Never mind where he was, or the fact he does not seem to really like birthdays, or being reminded that he is getting older. It is all about the NPD "supply", and birthday greetings are supply.

If you have not been over to the NPD section (under I can relate forums), I think you might want to go there. My guess is you will feel right at home, ... unfortunately. Divorcing a NPD is extra helpings of crazy.

[This message edited by luv2swim at 7:04 AM, April 12th (Friday)]

Thanks everyone.

Luv: I lurk in the NPD forum. He has been "diagnosed" by my IC as a narcissist but he is not extreme like some others here.

He's still NPD and so much like the other wayward narcs on here.

So glad to have him out of the house and he's welcome to continue the A with MOW. I hope she never leaves her husband and he's a "mistress" in his 50's.

Caregiver: I would love to tell him that joke. It will suffice to tell it to his ex wife. She will laugh and laugh.

You guys are all fantastic.

Oh GRM!!!!

Skinny jeans and short zip up boots.

Hilarious!!!!!