Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Hopeful30 (44618)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New Begginings: Dynamic, not static
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd say I've been in mine for over 2 years. Part of it I spent drinking too much. Part of it I spent dating too much. Trying to 'deal' with the pain. And I was,in small ways, actually looking at myself, my contribution to the divorce, etc., but I was also seriously distracting myself from the 'real' NB stuff.

About six months ago I really changed a lot. I dropped the drinking and the dating dramatically, but not completely (I'm human!). I found a new and very helpful therapist and did EMDR. I guess I kinda thought I was 'done' - as we often do.

This week I've realized how conflict-avoidant I am and how poor I am at asserting my needs. This is true with coworkers, my employees, girls I date, friends. . . I have made small changes and been mostly aware of this but for some reason today it seems like I 'get it'. Monolithic, if you will.

Surviving infidelity, if you choose to pursue it, is the gift that keeps on giving. While it's hard to realize my my progress sometimes, we can nibble at our demons toward some ultimate success - all because we got dealt a shitty hand. That's pretty cool.

[This message edited by Gomphus at 2:49 PM, April 11th (Thursday)]


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

for some reason today it seems like I 'get it'. Monolithic, if you will.
That's great, Gomphus. Sometimes things have to "steep" with me until they are strong enough to whack me upside the head. Hope today's light bulb leads to some leaps and bounds in healing for you.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24793 | Registered: Aug 2011
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a girl, I'm not conflict avoidant, but I have been anger avoidant in my 20s and 30s (Thanks Lt. Col. Dad)

How long did your Anger phase last, Gomphus?

[This message edited by ladies_first at 4:40 PM, April 11th (Thursday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

for some reason today it seems like I 'get it'. Monolithic, if you will.

Can you pinpoint what changed? EMDR success?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, gals. My anger hasnt stopped but it has shifted and diminished in both frequency and duration. I went through being mad at exWW, the world, the OM, and now, myself for letting myself become a doormat.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EMDR was huge, but lartly because i did cognitive behavioral work for a year or so prior. I understood what happened and how i was/am and the emdr helped me process it. Part was a choice of not letting exWW direct my life anymore and not clinging to the past instead if living in the present. I did the grieving, etc, now I just wanna move forward. I was stuck and CBT via EMDR helped me get unstuck.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Surviving infidelity, if you choose to pursue it, is the gift that keeps on giving. While it's hard to realize my my progress sometimes, we can nibble at our demons toward some ultimate success - all because we got dealt a shitty hand. That's pretty cool.

So very true. I've had lessons I wish I didn't need but I'm getting to a place of being grateful for the lessons. All parts of my life have changed for the better.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5530 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.