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I finally couldn't take anymore of SAWH pretending everything was fine even though we are separated (in house). So, last night after the day from Hell at work, I asked him about it. His response?

"I figured we'd just keep living together but in separate rooms and still be friends."

WHAT??? Um, yeah...no. That's not how it's going to work. I told him I am looking for a new place as soon as my car is fixed.

Then I made a big mistake. I asked him why it was so easy for him to let go when just a week or so ago he'd had that dream that I was leaving him and he was so freaked out. Why is it different when it happens in real life?

Bad idea.

He then spent 30 minutes telling me what a horrible wife I was/am. How he feels like I NEVER loved him. That I NEVER want to have sex with him. That I NEVER touch him. That I NEVER want to do anything with him. I tell you, I was shocked! It was all about how awful I was. Oh, but of course he will still help me out anytime I need him. He will still "take care of" me. Thanks <sarcasm>

I told him that it was funny that he could sit there and point out all these faults I have, but he didn't have one single thing that HE needed to work on. HE is perfect and I am horrible. That just because I don't want to do something intensely physical every single weekend day, that means I NEVER want to do it. It's very borderline personality! I never noticed this about him before.

Anyway, I didn't sleep much last night. Its really over. Strangely, I had to fight the urge to go into his bed and snuggle up to him. Why, I have no idea!

And there he was snoring away. He can't possibly have a conscience. How can he always sleep so soundly and easily?

I'm sad. I'm really, really sad.

((((CheaterMagnet)))

BTDT with my STBX. You need to get out of that house and have NC other than the kids and finances (and preferably only by text or email). I learned quickly that any opportunity I gave WH to "talk" was an opportunity for him to tear me down.

Of course none of this is his fault, it's all yours (eye roll). That is what these douchebags have to tell themselves to justify their actions. Don't give him the opportunity to do it to you again.

((((CheaterMagnet)))) I'm so sorry, honey.

There's nothing he can say that will suddenly make caviar out of the shit sandwich. There's only more shit sandwiches to be served. That's his specialty. Those are the ingredients he has on hand. So stop ordering from him.

Your emotional well-being is too important to put in his hands. Big hugs.

"I figured we'd just keep living together but in separate rooms and still be friends."

My clueless x tried this one on as well.

He never blamed me for anything, thank God, but lucky me I got to read the emails to his tramp gallery like "boo hoo my former wife doesn't want to live together anymore and what a shame because we make such great roommates."

Clueless fucks, all of them!

The irony though, is that they would have a fit if someone else were to do these same things to them.

They have justified that it is really US at fault, so we should pay the price for their crap.

UNBELIEVABLE!!

Thanks all. Nik, you are right. I won't be having any more conversations about that with him. I spent 20 years married to an abusive drunk and I won't do that to myself again. Ever.

I hate that he isn't who I thought he was. I've known him for SO long! He wasn't like this. Maybe it's me. Maybe I turned him into a monster. Intellectually I know that's not true, but emotionally it creeps in sometimes.

Thank God I have this place. I'd go insane. And I've been there, done that and got the straight jacket. No more crazy for ME!

(((((CheaterMagnet)))))

My stbx acted and spoke exactly like yours when I tried to talk to him when we were still living together. His anger towards me was terrifying. The force of it was worse than my thoughts of the infidelity.

They all have to think this way. How else could they live with themselves? And you can't change it or make them see reason.

You just need to get away from him.

NC=no new hurts

Everyday I don't see or have contact with my stbx I feel better and you will too.

Maybe I turned him into a monster.

Absolutely NOT!! This was hard for me too. I wanted to be the angel from heaven that could fix and help him. Why wasn't I good enough? What was wrong with me that he treated me this way?

But then I learned. HIS actions are HIS actions. YOU can only control what YOU do. Perhaps this is what they teach in Alanon?

They all have to think this way. How else could they live with themselves?

So very true. I am learning I will have to live with this. I think he will always blame me for his problems. I don't see any lightbulbs going off in his head for a long time, if ever. I'm trying to perfect my eyeroll when I hear his blameshifting.

It's such a sick game to play. Crush you to your core and then somehow make it your fault. Do NOT fall for this.

Hugs to you. I hope looking for a new place goes well. You need time and space away from this guy to heal.