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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One Night Stand
livebythesea
♀ Member
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell me, is a one night stand forgivable? Is it considered a true cheat? I'm a little confused? Does one leave a relationship cause of a one night stand? I know, different situations, different opinions. But generally speaking, is a one night stand forgivable? I truly need help.


HIM - 56(looks older by the day)
his time has come
ME - 56 (heart aged lately)
DD1 April 5 2013 (told me a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 195 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Near the ocean ... Canada
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it's cheating. Forgivable? Totally depends on you and how your reconciliation goes. Transparency, remorse...it all depends.
There is a thread in the I can Relate Forum about One Night Stands where other's share their experiences.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A one night stand is no different than a long term affair. There are lies, there is the actual infidelity, there is broken promises and loss of trust, there is the loss of faithfulness in a relationship. A ONS is just as much cause for leaving as any other infidelity, and just as forgivable as any other infidelity.

My H had 3 ONS's with 3 different women, and a 4th woman he had 4 "ONS's" with over an 18 month period (like, no dating, no relationship, just a booty call every few months). In my eyes, I'm disgusted that my H could treat another human being like that, use them up and throw them away like trash. That's NOT the man I married. But I was able to forgive him for that. And I know others here have forgiven their spouses for the same type of thing, and many have forgiven their spouses for different things.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, April 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A ONS is absolutely cheating. Whether or not you can forgive it is up to you. Give yourself some time, you do not have to decide right away.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1135 | Registered: Jul 2012
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing about a ONS is that if the cheater does not address the issue of WHY he did it, you are likely to suffer through further infidelities. It IS forgivible - if the WS is remorseful and willing to change.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6724 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Betrayed67
♀ Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH had a ONS... and I am 3 months out from DDay. Still have not forgiven him. He is remorseful but I can't forgive - just yet.

Whether ONS, LTA, EA - they are all the same. They cause you unimaginable pain.

Maybe one day I can forgive...


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
Lolati11
♀ Member
Member # 34915
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The answer is YES !! a one night stand is the same like a 100 night stands .It hurts the same and it takes as much time to heal from it as well .My WH had a one night stand and it wasn't an easy ride to R but am over it now .


Me:34
Him: 51
OW: a monster that I called friend before
D-Day:June 20,2011


You made a fool out of me and she made a fool out of you


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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