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User Topic: First counselling session tomorrow...
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any ideas what it will be like? What sort of questions? I'm so nervous about it and until an hour ago I'd decided I wasn't going. I know I need to go though, I do.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The therapist will probably start with asking what brought you there and want some background.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37243 | Registered: Sep 2007
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know what type of questions? I've been googling examples but can't really find any suitable.

If the questions are literally that open, I don't honestly see the point in going. It would be a waste of their time.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna,
You have posted tons of questions on here. Others have posted questions for you.

You say you freeze up and can't figure out what to say.

But, I think you are VERY articulate in your writing. So write stuff down. And read directly from it if you need to. Heck, you could even just hand the paper to the therapist.

You have a voice. You write and express yourself well. Maybe that's a starting point.

Maybe you could try writing down 3 goals for therapy.

This is about your self-discovery. I could tell you what to ask, but it's about YOU.

You aren't being judged. Your therapist is there to help you. That's what they get paid to do!!

I think it is a wonderful step that you are doing this for you. Brave.

Let us know how it goes.


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's OK you're right I'm sorry, thank you for your time I do appreciate it. Sorry again


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna,

Why are you saying you are sorry? We are here to help you and answer questions.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4754 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I ask too many and I think I'm being pathetic to be honest. Just a bad day


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna,
My point was...you have many questions. Just write them down and bring with you!

Please stop apologizing. This is a great step forward. You CAN do this!!!


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1971 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
hurt2005
♀ New Member
Member # 36918
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello,

You've gotten some great advice here. It's normal to feel nervous, I remember what I was like, but it takes a lot of courage to go to IC so don't let being nervous stop you! You can totally do this.

They will usually ask what brought you to them, then further questions may follow from what you say. It's a conversation. The bottom line is that they provide an objective point of view and are here to help you.

For the first couple of sessions with my IC I was so frustrated because I kept thinking, 'you don't know the half of it' - which was true, because I hadn't told him, because sometimes it is very hard for me to say things out loud. I cried a lot more than I talked, those first few times.

So I wrote all my issues down - including intensely private things I had only ever shared with BBF - and at the end of the next session said 'I wrote some stuff down', gave it to him and left. I actually went to the loo and cried because I knew that he was going to read it and say 'oh, well, I can't help you with this, you'll need to see someone else about this' or 'this is all irrelevant' or 'this is disgusting'. But then he called me, called me back to his office, and thanked me for telling him. He validated that I needed help, without judging me, and realised what kind of problems I was facing. Only then did the work really start.


WGF 27 | BBF 28 | in CC and in hope for R | 7 years
OM#1 EA, PA 2010 | OM#2 EA, PA (3x) 2011 | D-Day#1 2011, false R, D-Day #2 25/09/12
'Piglet was so excited at the idea of being Useful that he forgot to be frightened anymore.'

Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: UK
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to add that I do the writing down thing with my therapist and my pDoc. I have "just hand(ed) the paper to the therapist." It went over just fine.

I was extremely nervous about talking to a therapist. It was like holding my nose and jumping in. I just poured tons of history including the A, foo issues, and CSA out. I told her I needed to be healthier, and oh btw, I think I may be bipolar. That was all day one, lol.

For me I knew it was going to be hard and I desperately wanted help so I had to get past the first step of telling all. I'm not sure that's the best route but it worked for me.

Therapist said she could see I was focused and motivated, at least.

I usually write things down between visits so I won't forget when I'm in her office.

It will be fine. KEEP YOUR APPOINTMENT.

We are all pulling for you!

(((Sienna)))

iPad edit....

[This message edited by knightsbff at 2:20 PM, April 14th (Sunday)]


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.

I think I'll write down what I've done and a little about other things. I have realised since joining SI that I'm OK writing so it definitely seems sensible. I'm just being stupid I know, it will be fine.

Thank you and I am sorry for keep asking silly questions. I've put myself in this position, I'm a big girl. Thank you for your advice it's always been appreciated, honestly.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
EmotionalFool
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna500,

Gently, You should not apologize when its not needed. You don’t need to beat yourself for reaching out for help.

Right now you need to focus on your IC appointment. From my experience I was so freaked out for my first IC session that I kept crying. So basically I paid the fees of my first IC appointment just so that I could cry for an hr and somebody would just be there when I was crying. (As understandably my H was not in a position to support me at that time). Actually she wasn’t even present in person. I was on video conf with her

My point is don’t worry too much. She would probably ask you questions of why are you seeking help. I don’t know how it works with your IC but before my first IC appointment, I had sent her a mail just stating “I cheated on my husband and I am falling apart”. So when the appointment started she already knew the context.

I changed my IC recently. By this time I could think much more clearly and I told my second IC that “This is what has happened and this is what I need from you”.

You are not wasting their time, they earn their living by listening to you.



WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's from a referral from my GP so via the NHS (national health service). I, or rather my husband gave my GP a succinct count of what's happened and said would like counselling, the GP agreed.

I know what I need to do, I'm just worried. My husband and I had a pretty rough exchange about it today so I'm probably just being a wimp.

I feel sorry because I know this is all my own doing.

[This message edited by Sienna500 at 3:39 PM, April 14th (Sunday)]


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
EmotionalFool
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apologize for your As but not for reaching out and seeking help from right sources. KWIM?


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I just sound so ridiculous. I'm scared to talk but I wasn't scared to do that. That's what my H doesn't understand, not that I do.

You know when you don't feel quite worthy of advice or help? I feel like why should I waste everyone's time. Like I said, just a bad day.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
cinnamongurl
♀ Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, April 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna, instead of thinking that you don't deserve help, think of it as the first step in being able to give your BH the gift of a healthier you.

I agree with the idea of writing down what you want to say. Sometimes no matter how much we want the words to come out, our brains just get in the way. I frequently walk in with a list of things (questions, topics, etc) that I want to address. Sometimes it works as a sort of guideline for the session, and sometimes I just hand it to my IC and have her read it aloud and guide me into discussion. The first session though is typically more of a get to know you than anything too deep or heavy. You'll do fine Sienna!
*hugs*


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. "You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do."
Kurt Vonnegut



Posts: 506 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It did go OK and thank you for the advice for writing, this is what I did.

There were no awkward silences, when I was quiet she just said something else. She even talked about my shoes, I know it's silly but it did put me at ease.

I've also seen my H post something on SI so I'll try and chill him out a bit now.

Thank you again everyone.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 17

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