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PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah Butterfly, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

What your WH did is called TT (or trickle truth) here. Unfortunately, you need to brace yourself for more details coming out down the road. I went through 4 months of lies, half truths and bullshit before I got the complete story of what happened in my stbxWW's two A's. And she wasn't the one to tell me. I had to discover it when I recovered over 10,000 emails. Many here on SI have gone through years of this and still don't know the whole truth. Again, I'm so sorry for you!

Well, now you need to decide if this additional info is a deal breaker for you, or if you still think you can, or want to R with this man. Only you can decide.

As for the additional hurt and pain, I totally get that. Every discovery is like a new mini d-day and throws you right down the rabbit hole again. Please step back and restart your vigilance to take care of yourself. Try to eat and drink water as best you can. Also rest and exercise as much as possible.

As always, we'll be here when you need us.

((((Butterfly7904))))

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 4:49 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
TheClimb
♀ Member
Member # 25895
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Butterfly. Very often they don't tell the entire truth, minimizing to protect themselves. I call BS on protecting his friend, he was worried about himself.

Now you can understand why he was all over the MC about you getting over this; he had more that he was hiding. MC is not a good thing if your spouse is still lying. It will do nothing to help your marriage and only hurt you more. IC, in my opinion is better at this point.

Unfortunately, this happens frequently. My husband let me believe the affair was only for a weekend that I was away. Then, when I found more phone records, he admitted it was closer to four months. While transferring data from his old laptop to the new one, I found a calendar reminder for her birthday.... three months prior to the second date he admitted to. Who the hell knows what the truth is. This infuriated me; I told him since he couldn't "remember" exactly when the affair began or how many times he sent her flowers, I was going to forget I was married!

I don't remember if you have started the 180 but I suggest you look it up in the Healing Library and begin to protect yourself. Also, skip the MC and save your money. Am thinking a new outfit or smoking pair of shoes would be more beneficial to you now.

[This message edited by TheClimb at 3:38 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]


"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 467 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland
NoraLee
♀ Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry butterfly....TT is like death by a thousand paper cuts...just tell us all and let us start to heal already!

You did the right thing telling the friend's wife...do either of the OW's have spouses? They need to know too...

When you're ready...I found this article very useful in explaining to H what I needed - and why (helped me understand too...) it's long but sooo worth it...It explains the whole fall out to the WS and steps to take to help us heal...

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=478824

Maybe your MC would benefit from reading it too...

Sorry you find yourself here butterfly...



Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
Butterfly7904
♀ New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes the one who facebooked me has a husband and 2 kids and she said she left her husband for my husbands friend and that she thought he should be outed too. The OW my WH slept with is single 40 no kids. i also found out in MC today that he has contacted OW since R just because i was texting her and she was getting mad and he didnt want her blowing his friends cover... so my marriage councellor said to take a few days to think about whether I want to start "R" all over or if i have reached my limit. I dont know what to do as I truly loved this man and my marriage with all my heart.


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you've experienced this trickle truth - and I agree with PanicAttack53 - brace yourself in case there is still more to come. If your husband and his friend are now telling the truth, then the 'friend' of OW actually left her husband for someone she's only physically met once (the weekend away) - it seems to me there is more to this whole story than you currently have. If you are going to R, you need ALL of the truth - I hope you're getting it now.


I agree with TheClimb too. Protecting his friend was a convenient excuse for your husband. He was protecting himself first and foremost.


I hope you come back here to get more support - whatever you decide to do.


(((Butterfly7904)))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1882 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
stillsad1970
♀ Member
Member # 38977
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you are here and are hurting so much.

My advise is do not contact the OW. My H OW asked me to come to her work, where my H works so we could talk about it. Are you fucken kidding me? I said n o thank you and politely hung up the phone.
I WON. And something finally felt good.

Stay here and let everything out.


Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW actually left her husband for someone she's only physically met once (the weekend away) - it seems to me there is more to this whole story than you currently have. If you are going to R, you need ALL of the truth

This^^^^^^^^^^
IMHO, you still don't have all of the truth. They have been involved with these women a lot longer than one weekend. No way is a MOW with kids going to leave her M for a strange man she only met for one weekend. Nope, no way, nada! They have been involved a hell of a lot longer than one weekend. You only know the tip of the iceberg. I think that they "arranged" this met up in Vegas before they ever left home. They didn't just happen to meet these women by chance. He is lying to you to protect himself and maybe the OW too. Time for you and the other BW to get to the bottom of this and find out how long this has been going on and how much marital money was spent on these women. You all need to get tested for STD's.

Also, the OW may come back with the "I'm pregnant" line to try to get your WH back. Be prepared for that just in case. Doesn't mean she really is pregnant and if she is, it doesn't mean that it is actually your WH's baby. OW lie as well as cheat. So sorry for the pain that you are suffering. It will take a long time to heal. Please find a MC that has experience with infidelity. Your current one is not equipped to help you. As long as your WH is still lying MC isn't going to do any good anyway. You would be better served to find an IC that can help you with the trauma of infidelity. How is the other BW doing? Have you told her about SI?


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Butterfly7904
♀ New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe I have the whole truth now... My friend has talked to the other woman's husband ( who was amazingly compassionate) and he had a private detective on his wife so he has text messages between his wife and my friends husband. It pretty much confirmed everything we now know. My friend is devestated, not eating or sleeping and I am trying to help her as best I can but to be honest I am a mess as well. All these lies these two men told to keep it a secret. I feel like all the progress we were making in mc is gone. He did admit that as well as covering for his buddy he also did not want me to know that he had spent the WHOLE weekend with her and all the other details because he thought I would leave for sure. Now I know why he was so upset about me contacting OW, he didn't want her pissed off because she would blow his friends cover. So every time I texted her, he called her to smooth it over so she wouldn't tell. I feel like he through me under the bus all over again. She is definitely not pregnant, this happened in dec and I have seen pics of her recently and she does not look pregnant.


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
cupcakegirl
♀ Member
Member # 33594
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Butterfly))

he didnt want to keep lying but he didnt want to be responsible for ruining his friends marriage. what do I do?

Your WH did not ruin his friends marriage. His friend ruined his own M all my his own wittle self. This is about your WH's own hind-end which is selfish, selfish, selfish...Your WH made his own choice to cheat, and his cheater friend, made his own choice. Each WS is responsible for his/her choices.

Remember cheaters will say anything to shift that blame and put themselves in to a better light. Damage control 101.

I agree w/others. You need to be ready for more details. And please, please, please get a new MC- like yesterday!

peace and strength to you- ccg


Me:BS, 43
Him: SAH, 48
Married 21 years
DDay 1: 2007
First day of transparency in M: 10/17/11
Polygraph 1/13/12 passed!
Polygraph 7/8/12 passed!
Polygraph 2/4/13 passed!
Next Poly is 2/14 passed!

Posts: 238 | Registered: Oct 2011
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetheart, first off, fire your MC. It's not personal, it's just that right now, until you have a truly remorseful and truthful WH, you're wasting your money. The money would be better spent on IC for the two of you.

Next, do you have ALL of his passwords to every bit of electronic gear or media that he owns? Facebook page (which frankly should be deactivated), phone(s), computers, etc? You need it because he's obviously keeping in touch with the OW.

And yes, this is probably not his first rodeo. His and his friend's stories are about as fishy as the inside of a sea lion. It's time for him to produce a timeline with Every Fricking Thing on it. Everything.

Next, you and he need to get STD/HIV screening. You cannot trust that he actually used a condom for every bit of sexual encounters that he had. And you need to physically see his results, because you cannot trust him to be truthful about them.

I think that it's time for you to detatch and figure out what you want. In three short months, you have been betrayed, lied to, and had a 2nd DDay. Getting some mental distance to figure out what you truly need and what your non-negotiable demands is necessary. The 180 is meant for you to have the mental separation to do that (link here http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11).

And it's probably past time that you saw a lawyer to find out what your legal rights are. You don't have to act on it, you don't have to make a decison right now, but you do need to know, and your WH needs to start realizing that his actions have consequences that are going to be far-reaching and years long. On your side, you need to know what you and your children are legally entitled to, if he doesn't pull his head out of his ass. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4935 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Butterfly7904
♀ New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do have access to his phone, phone bills,computer, (he doesnt have facebook)I have told him I dont know if i am going to try again, that i need time. he went yesterday and got a full std checkup and the doctor is mailing me the results within two weeks. I had my yearly checkup with full screening after i found out in january and I am good. i do believe he has told me everything finally because I just have two many resources now. The husband of his friends OW had plenty of info from his Private investigator as well as from his wife. He is setting up IC this week and we are seeing a MC on Monday. We sat down and did a timeline for 3 hours and it was VERY detailed and very hurtful. He told me things he didnt have too (private conversations that were very hurtful to me) that i would never have found out about. he went over every day he was with her and every touch, kiss, position, pictures, restaurants, gifts etc.. in one weekend in Texas him and his buddy managed to accomplish alot. Limo rides, basketball game, swimming pools, shopping, drinking, dancing, showering etc. He even said he felt no guilt and he doesnt know why. only that he didnt think about me and the girls when he was with her. Over the past two days he has rememebered some more details and shared them, even knowing how much i am hurting. I have told him he cannot contact his friend anymore and his friends wife has said the same.i dont know what i will do, but im am sure of one thing....he loves me and he is truly remorseful. now that she is not holding something over him, he called up the OW infront of me and Blasted her. (she had sent a mean text to me) He told her he never felt anything for her and he was sorry but he used her. he told her he loved me and that she was and would be the biggest regret of his life. He told her that i am more beautiful inside and out than she could ever hope to be and that even if i leave him, he will spend the rest of his life loving me. he told her he never wants to hear from or think about her again and that she should do the same.


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I'm reading something wrong here, but.....there is something very, very wrong with this *story*.

Maybe I just need some clarification (fucking TT always muddies everything up! Grrr.)

So...
Your WH went to Vegas in Oct 12 to meet up with his parents and 3 brothers.
Is ^^^that correct and true?

And then you said this: "my husbands friend who was in vegas with him"
Your WH's friend went to Vegas to hang with WH's family also?

You said WH went to Vegas for a weekend but the timeline doesn't make sense to me. When you said weekend, I assumed that he left on Friday and went home on Sunday. But you said that he talked to a woman, got her number, called her 2 days later, took her out dancing and then had sex with her. And then came home the next day.
Is that still the story? Did his family not find it odd that he blew them off on his last night there?

So the San Antonio trip in Nov 12. I'm assuming it was CheaterFriend that supposedly *won* this trip?

And how long had the CheaterFriend's OW's BH had a PI on her? When did she announce that she was leaving her BH for CheaterFriend?


I am 100% confident he has not contacted her again. I have access to all phone records as well as I have been monitoring everything.

He honestly has done EVERYTHING possible to make this right


You made ^^^these statements last Sunday.

You had been monitoring everything and you were 100% confident that he hadn't contacted her since January. But now he's admitted that he was still in contact with her...so what gives? How did he call her and circumvent your monitoring?

You need to be very wary of your WH right now, Butterfly. You now know a lot of things about your WH that are incredibly unpleasant....and I'm not even counting the cheating.

He let you THINK that you knew everything. He had you CONVINCED that he was remorseful He was making *you* look like the one with the problem during your MC sessions. ALL WHILE HE KNEW he was STILL in contact with her and STILL lying to you and STILL complicit in CheaterFriend's affair.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:10 PM, April 19th (Friday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I missing something here? If your WH met the OW randomly while with his family how then did his friend hook up with OW's friend on the trip to Texas? Weren't all involved strangers? Yet she was going to D her BH after one weekend with a stranger? How is it that your WH's friend's OW BH had a PI if that was the first time?


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Butterfly7904
♀ New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay I think i have complicated things by trying to summerize to much. And the fact that the truth has been coming out in intervals. Ugh. Here is what I know to be true:
Thurs Oct25 my Wh,bros and parents go to vegas to watch the drag races.
Fri Oct 26 My Wh and bros meet up with some buddies from our town who are also in Vegas at a lounge in the Venetian hotel. They meet the two girls from texas and everyone leaves except for my wh, his buddy and the two ow. They close the pub down and walk the girls to their room where my wh has sex on the couch and his buddy has sex on the bed with ow.
Sat My wh's buddy flies home
sun nothing
mon my wh calls ow and meets up with them both.dances, drinks and goes back to room for sex while ow is passed out on bed.
Tues my wh flies home
Nov 01 My wh buys another cell phone and begins texting and calling ow. He gives his buddy the other girls number and his buddy starts calling and texting her too.
November calling and texting
december My wh and his buddy decide they HAVE to meet up with these girls again. his buddy has a trip he got at an auction to anywhere in the states to watch a basketball game. They decide thats how they can get to texas.

Dec 06 arrive san antonio airport. Ow picks up my wh and his friend and takes them to marriott. they get three rooms because the ow of his buddys has two little boys that she is bringing (so sick)
Dec 06-09 they all shop, eat, have sex, swim, have sex,go to basketball game, have sex, you get the picture
Dec09-31 calls, texting,sexting, pics,videos,i love yous, blah blah
Jan 31 midnight i intercept text from ow. wh tells me he just took her out dancing in vegas and kissed her goodnight and has just been talking to her. i knew she was from texas and he went to texas so i called his buddy he went to texas with and asked if wh was ever unaccounted for and he said definately not. my wh said he never me up with her (lies)
jan04 enter mc cant eat cant sleep etc...
Jan 14 Ow of buddies husband calls buddy and tells him he has been suspicous of his wife and hired a pi who told him about buddy. he was super nice and told buddy he wouldnt tell his wife, but that he needed to find god and if he ever called ow again he would tell buddies wife. WH's buddy never calls ow again.
jan 22 after weeks of going over all texts records on phone bill and airtime details i see that he called me from austin when he was supposed to be in san antonio. busted. He confessed he slept with her one night in texas (because thats all he could get away from his buddy without being noticed) in texas and vegas he didnt want to tell me because i had told him if he had slept with her i would leave him.
Jan 22-Apr 16 major mc, crying, anger, struggling, but finally starting to see the light and feel like we are going to be stronger and realize how much my wh really does love me
Apr 16 get a friend request from a girl in texas. Basically she implicates wh's buddy. i lose it and drive over to buddys house and tell his wife (my friend) as im pulling in there driveway my wh had already called buddy to warn him and he blurts out to his wife " i had an affair on you' She is devestated, kicks him out and we sit down and go over details.
Apri 16 i sit my wh down and he tells all. Long story short he only left out the details taht would implicate his buddy because he didnt want him to lose his family. He tells me how texas was the whole weekend not just one night but if he had told me that outright i would have realized his buddy had to of known.He says he talked to OW three times from a payphone for a max of 2 mins eachtime only because i was texting her and she was threatening to tell buddies wife so he had to calm her down. He did not want anything to do with her he was just doing damage control. He also told me he didnt use condoms like he told me, he lied because he was disgusted with himself and he thought that would be a deal breaker.
Apr 17 My friend calls the ow's husband and talks for three hours. He apoligizes for his wifes role and said he didnt tell her because he was hoping to save two families in canada. He tells her that his wife asked him to pay for a plane ticket to canada so she can spend the weekend with her boyfriend to see where it goes. He says she is spoilt and an alcoholic.
My wh and his buddy litterly have been living in fear of these woman for 3 months. i guess she tried contacting us a few times and they intercepted. My wh says he is just glad its all out, because it was killing him. I think thats about it. I probably missed ALOT but thats most of it. I am making no excuses for my wh, it is killing me that he was still lying to me since jan 01 when we were supposed to be completely honest. I know he was covering for his friend but also for himself because he did not want me to know he spent a WHOLE weekend with her. and I know he made contact with her when he was telling me he wasnt. So we went to the counsellor and she told him he had just undone all the progress we had made and we were now at square one again. he told him he does not deserve a second chance and should i choose to give him one he will have to work harder than ever before to build trust. So i told him i wasnt sure i could forgive ALL this and i need time to think about it. i have let him stay in the house for now. honestly I havent really cried yet. i feel numb. i dont know if i just hit my limit of info but where before i was obsessed and questioning him over and over now i just dont care. I did make him sit down for 3 hours and tell me every detail (which he did) so maybe thats why. i just have all the answers now to the stuff i wasnt believing before. I love this man. he is completely remorseful. He has apoligized to my family in person and has taken it upon himself to set up IC. I told him he is to have NC with his buddy and he called OW and finally told her off (infront of me) he said he has been wanting to do that for months but she was threatening to ruin his friends marriage. So thats it i guess. hope this helps.


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nov 01 My wh buys another cell phone and begins texting and calling ow.

He says he talked to OW three times from a payphone for a max of 2 mins eachtime only because i was texting her and she was threatening to tell buddies wife so he had to calm her down.

I still don't think you are getting the whole truth. If he has a secret cell phone why would he be using a payphone? With most everyone using cell phones now pay phones have been removed in our region as they weren't being utilized.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
Butterfly7904
♀ New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because I found his secret phone and smashed it to pieces... And I now have our account online and can see everything. He just needed tocsin tact her quickly to calm her down. Don't worry I am not assuming I have the whole truth but I have been checking as many facts as possible


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the text that *outed* the affair on NYE was intercepted on the *secret* phone?

Which you smashed (hopefully after culling it for information).....

....and then any further contact he had with OW (supposedly 3x between Jan 1 and Apr 16) occurred at a payphone and only AFTER you had *caused* a problem.

If someone's upset and threatening to *out* the guilty parties, don't you suppose that it would take more than 2 minutes to calm them down?

Have him take you to the location of the payphone that he used.....And don't give him any warning. Just tell him to get his coat and "let's go right now".


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And before you start thinking that we're just a bunch of paranoid crazies.....

As a collective group, we have probably seen 99% of the crap that a cheating person will try to pull to either hide the affair or minimize the damage after the affair is discovered.

You would be amused, horrified, and shocked by some of the crap the WS can come up with.

And it is best to uncover everything about the affair right now, in one fell swoop, than it is to get blindsided every couple of months by random bits of information that completely change the context of the *story*

Because as you've found, since your WH has spent the past 4 months lying to you, every new bit of *information* causes an exponential amount of damage.

So just be patient with us, k?


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Butterfly7904
♀ New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand. The " secret phone" had been erased of all incriminating evidence and I didn't know about recovering deleted texts then :( so I smashed it. His buddy did was in contact with my wh's ow through all this trying to talk her down and he confirmed that he only called my husband 3 times to tell him to give her a "quick" call and calm her down. My husband said that is why he was trying so hard to get me to have NC with her. Because he hated having to call her. He said that the last two messages I sent her he gave up an didn't even call her. He just decided if she outed his friend then he would have to deal with it because my wh couldn't do it anymore. He hated having to call her. He said when he did call her all he said was "we have destroyed my wife, she is just hurting and lashing out, please just ignore her" . My wh's ow has moved on and has not tried to contact him through all of this. Just his buddy to tell me to stop sending her messages or she would tell me about him. This is all so confusing Its hard to even write


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, April 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WH is seriously making my head hurt.
(and it's going to end up making you want to beat me with a stick. )

Anyway.

My husband said that is why he was trying so hard to get me to have NC with her.

(1) Because he hated having to call her;
(2) he didnt want her blowing his friends cover

Oh, FFS. Will the *real* reason please stand up?
Because those 2 that he's given you are kinda mutually exclusive and a whole lotta lame.

First off, he didn't *have to* call her. He *chose* to call her.
Secondly, he wasn't *protecting* his friend. There was a high-level of covering his OWN ass involved....and I know this because he had not told you the *whole* story.

And I wasn't kidding when I suggested that you put his ass into the car, without warning, and make him take you to the pay phone that he used.

Your WH needs to stop with all of his *tap-dancing*. He needs to stop with all of the lollipop, superficial, save-his-ass answers and just be completely truthful.

And your MC was right about one thing, at least. You are starting back at square one. ANYTHING that he did for you while he was still lying doesn't count. That apology he gave to your family? It's bullshit. All he did was lie to them also--which is yet another *wrong* that he's going to have to make *right*. And all of that remorse that he was showing you before? Self-serving bullshit also.

He's going the wrong way in his hole. Instead of using his shovel to fill it in, he just keeps digging himself in deeper.


And also, thanks for that detailed timeline that you took the time to do. It was very helpful.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
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