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turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 6:55 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
Ive had some time to reflect and look back on my year long new beginning. I saw things the way I wanted to see them not how they really were. I feel stupid, used and cast aside. My role in my disapiontment was considerable. The truth is she was just coasting. I'm just pissed today. Pissed at myself, pissed at her, pissed at being single again. The upside is that the sadness has lifted 
and I have a better grip on how my perception is just that, and reality checks are needed more often than I thought.
me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:57 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
Don't feel stupid. This was another life lesson for you to learn from is all. We all go through it.
(((turned123)))
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
notmeanymore ( member #9772) posted at 7:07 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
I don't know if it will come as any consolation, but you're not the first person to fall into that trap.
You'll be wiser next time.
"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 7:10 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 7:12 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
Not the first person 
Sooo true! Thanks gang!
me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:15 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
The upside is that the sadness has lifted and I have a better grip on how my perception is just that, and reality checks are needed more often than I thought.
This is great, turned. Growth and progress. Well done, you.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 7:29 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
Thank you nik!... something about old dogs and new tricks
me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids
k94ever ( member #11176) posted at 10:03 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
You aren't stupid.
Face it....most of us haven't dated in DECADES and things have changed enormously.
You aren't stupid. The relationship didn't work and you are better prepared for the next one.
Plus you dodged the bullet with her.
But look on the up side....you at least were dating!!!!!!!!!
Stop over-thinking this. You. Are. Not. Stupid.
k9
BS:61
WS: 53
Betrayed: 24 years
Affairs: 15 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.
turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 10:16 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
K9 thank you! I know it's just a brief feeling. There are some things I don't regret. I don't regret being able to open my heart again!!! I don't regret learning to laugh again! I don't regret giving myself! I do regret not acting on the red flags when I saw them! It truly is a live and learn!!! so I also don't regret dodging another bullet 
me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 10:51 PM on Monday, April 15th, 2013
I saw things the way I wanted to see them not how they really were.
I did this throughout my M and I don't feel confident that I wouldn't do it again - my picker is on the fritz and I need to take time to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Head in sand doesn't work for me but it seems to be my reflex reaction.
You're going to be OK friend. Learning what you don't want is as important as knowing what you do want.
[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 5:02 PM, April 15th (Monday)]
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 12:42 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
Strongbutbroken I do know what I want You are correct learning what stands in the way of that is key! Sometimes it's dressed like a cute and fuzzy bunny but it has REALLY big sharp teeth
me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids
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