SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My WH started having an EA with a girl on the internet in December of last year. I found out in February, and he told me he was thru with her, she was just an escape from his depression and he wanted to R with me.

Fast forward to yesterday morning, he comes out of the blue and tells me he loves me but isn't in love with me and that he calls her after I'm asleep every night. Then he packed his bags and left, saying that he wants to feel what being in love feels like with her.

Nevermind that we have a DD who is turning 9 next week. And the fact, that my one income isn't enough for she and I to get by on in this stupid city.

I called my parents, who live six hours away, and told them everything thru my tears. They said we could move back home with them, but my DD's made some great friends at school this year, and I hate to completely uproot her.

I don't know what to do. I can't believe he would just leave us for some stranger he's never even met in person and who doesn't even know what he looks like! And not to mention, I have my doubts she's as gorgeous as she claims she is, if she's so desperate, she seeks out married men.

I guess I'm just terrified for what our future holds, because I am not taking that deadbeat back. I just don't know where to even begin to get myself together .

Then he packed his bags and left, saying that he wants to feel what being in love feels like with her.

What an idiot!

I am so sorry...that is awful!

I guess I'm just terrified for what our future holds, because I am not taking that deadbeat back.

Good for you...you are so strong already. It is normal to be scared out of your brain. I made a list of options and went from there (ie move home, stay in my house, sale the house and move into a little apartment, etc). That gave me some sense of control and direction.

I just don't know where to even begin to get myself together .

SI is a great place to help. These folks have been tremendous help for me - no matter the tropic: from STD testing to divorce to my new beginnings.

As for your DD, it will be the end of the school year soon so if you need to relocation, it would be less difficult for her than mid-school year.

You can do this!!!!!

(PS I predict he will find out 'internet gurl' isn't as great as he thinks)

Get a lawyer ASAP. Get some temporary orders in place soon for the financial end. Just because he's in love with some internet ho does not mean he's off the hook for bills and taking care of your daughter. Also you will want to make sure you are not stuck with any debt he might run up while he's off on his grand love adventure.

but my DD's made some great friends at school this year, and I hate to completely uproot her.

You need to do what you need to do to survive, you will need to play the role of parent and do what needs to be done, rather then friend and try to hang onto a possible sinking ship. By all means stay as long as you can, but do not compromise health, credit, or food to accomplish this.

I am so happy to hear that your parents are willing to take you in. There are many here that were not able to get that.

I just don't know where to even begin to get myself together

Start here....ask a gazillion questions - there are plenty of helpers that will answer.

A good first step though would be to see a lawyer - most give free consults. Dont be afraid to see a few, make sure you feel good with them.

(((lovelost82)))

See a lawyer today. Take the rest of the day off from work if necessary to get in to see a lawyer. This cannot be stressed enough. Get legal advice today.

Go right now to the bank and take half the money, checking & savings, moving it into an account in your name only.

Take your husband's name off of any joint credit cards, or take yours off, whatever. Do it right now. Basically, take his name off of anything you legally can. Safe deposit box? Your name only.

I am so sorry you found yourself here!

I know it's scary, but you will need to be strong, you have a DD, that needs you now more than ever. Cry, scream, whatever to get that hurt and anger out, but try and do it - when you're not around your DD.

You are stronger than you think. You have family that will help you, you will be ok, you will be!

Right now, listen to the people here, go see a lawyer first about your rights. Then if at the end of school year, you have to move in with your parents, you have to. You will cross that bridge when you get there!

Lots of hugs to you.

Seriously, WTF is wrong with these men? He's going to move in with some skank from the internet that he's never met?

Like the others have said, get an attorney now. Just because he wants to run off and start a new life with internet skank, it does not release him from his responsibilities at home. I agree with taking half the money and getting temporary orders in place.

I'm so sorry for you and your dd. Hugs to you both.

You've gotten some great advice, so I'm just passing this along:

(((lovelost82)))

Hang in there. Keep posting here; this is a great board that has helped me through all kinds of nastiness.

My guess is that he's not giving you the whole story about how much contact he's had with her. My hunch is that he thinks that if he gives you some story about going to meet up with someone he's never seen before that you won't take it seriously. Remember, he is a liar and a cheat. He's already shown you that. He's capable of anything.

See a lawyer today. Take the rest of the day off from work if necessary to get in to see a lawyer. This cannot be stressed enough. Get legal advice today.

Go right now to the bank and take half the money, checking & savings, moving it into an account in your name only.

Take your husband's name off of any joint credit cards, or take yours off, whatever. Do it right now. Basically, take his name off of anything you legally can. Safe deposit box? Your name only.

All of this. Now.

What everyone else says!!

I know exactly how you are feeling right now! My husband walked out on me and the boys last year for a coworker 1600 miles away that he had never touched. They spent 2 months chatting/texting/talking behind my back and at work. All of the sudden, he's in love and our 20 year relationship means nothing.

Any affair is going to F with your head. But this type has a special twist that most don't have to deal with. How can he walk out on his family for a total stranger? I'm not going to lie to you...I'm at 1 year from DDay and I still don't understand.

Take everyone's advice about the lawyer, financial support, and set up visitation. Treat everything like a business deal. NC except finances and kid. While he's living in Fantasy Land where the unicorns roam, you will have to live in reality and take care of your DD. My boys were 9 and 12 at the time. I put them in family counseling. It helped them tremendously.

I wish I had SI when my husband first walked out. Come here often. We are officially in R now but I visit the D/S forum daily to support the good people that helped me get through many months of separation. They will guide you through too. You are strong! You will survive!!

((hugs to you and your DD))

hugs hugs and more hugs to you and your DD9!

You have gotten a ton of great advice here. Please follow through on them!

Take care of you first. Keep hydrated (smoothies, ensure), sleep, see your doctor, therapy, therapy for your DD9, let the school know so that they can keep an eye on her for you and alert you to any behavior issues, support.

I'm so proud of you for telling your parents. I know how hard it must have been.

Everything is going to feel so surreal. I know. My STBX walked out without even saying good bye to the kids ~ he just wants to be happy with his girlfriend. Don't try to make sense of him. Focus on you and your DD9.

You are WELL on your way to getting yourself back together!! You are reading here, posting here, thinking of a plan, thinking about the future, told your parents, etc. Keep going and when it gets hard, you cry and vent here.

Please take care of yourself!!

Thank you all so much for the advice and support. I've had such a whirlwind of emotions inside of me these past two days, that I would have never figured out what to do on my own.

I went to the bank, and although some money had been withdrawn from our checking account, the dirt bag didn't touch our savings. I'm relieved to have what's mine in my own accounts now. I'm also going to talk to a lawyer tomorrow.

I'm so sorry that anyone else has ever had to go through such a strange, messed up experience as this. I know for a fact they haven't met yet, because there was never an opportunity since it all began. And unfortunately, the ass never said goodbye to DD either. She just came home from school and her daddy was gone

Message me if you need a friend to go through this with right now. I am going through a brand new horrible divorce myself. Our son will be 9 on the 27th of this month. I am a stay at home mom & very scared and confused and hurt.

Everyone has given you great advice, I just want to give you a hug and let you know that you can do this.

((((lovelost))))

(((((lovelost82))))

How are you today?

(((lostlove & DD))))

I would totally agree with seeking out a lawyer as soon as you can.

If you have any worries about finances, I would take all the money out I could of the savings account and move it into an account with only your name. In the end, you might have to give him half of what you transferred, but that might take some stress off of you. If he gets mad, so what....you have to think of DD first. Make HIM worry about where he is going to get money.

There are many of us here who are/have been SAHParents. We know what it's like to be alone with child(ren) and no ready source of income. You are not alone, we can help you get through this step by step.

Hopefully by now you've met with the attorney & have an idea of where you stand legally. Hopefully you've discussed you staying in the marital home ("exclusive use") if at all possible, as well as the legal ramifications for him abandoning you. Hopefully you're emotionally preparing yourself to even apply for food stamps or public assistance, although since you're still married you may not qualify (that's my particular problem ATM).

As a SAHM you have some things working against you. But again, you're not alone here. We'll help you.

I agree with Damcutekitty. They have most likely met already, perhaps many times. I don't see a man leaving for a woman he has never even seen or kissed.