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livebythesea (original poster member #38900) posted at 6:57 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
Late last night, while my heart was pounding, and I could not get to sleep, I decided to check that "cell phone bill" again. And much to my surprise, after a little more investigation, I cross-referenced my cell phone versus his cell phone, and discovered that I WAS THE ONE CALLING HIM. Yes, through thorough verification, it was me calling him. On the cell phone bill, for whatever f... reason, the numbers would not show. It listed as unknown. I am very sorry to have misinformed all of you of the cell phone story. I jumped to conclusion (I have every right to) and I assumed he was having some sort of phone sex with whomever. Lesson learned! Do the investigation before confronting!
Me - 65 I often have to remind myself of my age! Husband - 65 DD1 April 5 2013 (a lie)DD2 April 23 2013DD3 June 22 20133 children 5 grandchildren
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 7:08 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
Don't be too hard on yourself. You're reality has suddenly been turned upside down. It's normal. I have just recently..yes at nearly 3 years out from dday1..gone through the online history of one of our credit cards. I found what I thought was evidence. Turned out,it wasn't. It was porn,but porn I knew about,and at the time,was ok with.
But I confronted him first...I went off...yelling..sobbing...so sure he had started cheating on me in 2008..not 2010.
This time he was calm(usually he gets angry or defensive),and calmly told me what the charges were. After I calmed down,I realized he was right. I apologized...and he told me it was ok..that had he not destroyed my trust,we wouldn't be where we are now.
Shit happens. Apologize...but don't allow this mistake to set the tone for R. your WH still cheated..that must be dealt with. Once in awhile you might come across something that looks suspicious...and you have every right to ask him about it. And he needs to accept this as a consequence of his actions.
(((((livebythesea)))))
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
SoVerySadNow ( member #36711) posted at 7:18 PM on Tuesday, April 16th, 2013
I'm glad it turned out to be you. Sorry that we BS have to worry like you did. One of the unintended consequences of an A, I guess.
Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 5:41 AM on Wednesday, April 17th, 2013
This time he was calm(usually he gets angry or defensive),and calmly told me what the charges were
And ^^^THAT is how it should go if there is an *honest* mistake and nothing to hide.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
LivinginLimbo ( member #35004) posted at 12:39 PM on Wednesday, April 17th, 2013
We're all paranoid for awhile. I used to think he was still searching online until I realized I was the one creating the history. 
Don't beat yourself up. It's hard to stop checking once you've found out about the cheating.
BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years
D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 12:43 PM on Wednesday, April 17th, 2013
Welcome to bat-shit crazy!!
Settle in, it is something we go through for a while....
and it's nothing short of true crazy-making.
But don't feel bad, you have been through a trauma and it's part of the process.
(((hugs)))
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
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