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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What to do
livebythesea
♀ Member
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The story is my H admits to a ONS. We discussed and had it out. He insists that it only happened that one time. And I have absolutely no proof to make an argument other than my instincts.

Do I keep digging and digging, making myself sick to no end, or do I push it aside, and move on??? If I keep digging, he keeps denying, I still have no proof and life is miserable.

End up kicking him out, and always not having any proof. Again, just a feeling that he is lying.

I fully realize every one has a different opinion, but you know, I always said to myself if my H ever cheated on me, I would leave. It is not that easy is it? Why can we just f... throw their shit out the door and say good by.


HIM - 55 (looks older by the day)
his time has come
ME - 55 (heart aged lately)
DD1 April 5 2013 (he made that one up)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 8 2013
DD4 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 181 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Near the ocean ... Canada
Nothingspecial
♀ Member
Member # 38387
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, April 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi lbts,
Can I ask the circumstances to him admitting to the ONS, my story is on my profile,
Basically my WH had a ONS just over a year ago in Jan 2012 he confessed to me out of the blue on NYD 2013 I was stunned, after IC and MC I see " how " this happened and the fact he confessed of his own accord reassures me it was a one off his remorse and behaviour since D-day also reinforces this belief,
I will add that the first few weeks my gut told me there was more but I have no evidence to support it and once I got my " how" my gut was satisfied


Me BS 35
WH 33
Married 10 years
3 amazing kids
OW, ONS
We were soul mates
Trying to Reconcile, it's not for pussy's.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: UK , living in Canada
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, April 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't believe my X when he said it was only ever 1 OW. I just couldn't believe that... it took a while for me to pinpoint but I finally realized that he had treated me in a similar fashion way back in the beginning of my marriage: angry, detached, critical... (not to mention an STD in the first year of marriage, that had been explained away...)

It was amazing in a way, given enough time, I actually had flashbacks to conversations years ago - expressions that never made sense in a conversation...

After six months of denials, and sending Joseph's Letter, he admitted 12 OW...

I trust the gut - but my gut gave me things to question... dig deeper, are there things that just don't add up for you?


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4090 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
livebythesea
♀ Member
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, April 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quite frankly, that is it. My gut, my instincts, my deep inner feelings, I know that his man has been cheating, flirting for many years. I do feel, nothing in the past 2 - 3 years. But that is irrelevant! To him, perhaps, cause it took place 10 years ago, and so far he got away with it, he may very well have forgotten about it. To me, as you guys know so well, the feeling is extremely fresh. Just like it was yesterday.

I do look back, all the late nights, me with three kids, we had several business in our lifetime. 2 of which I build from the group up myself. Always busy with kids, business and trying to juggle his f.... attitude issues. Silent treatment. Never wanting to discuss what his issues were. Kept me in the dark, he said I pushed him. Shit, he was almost and I mean almost a cold cold sun of bitch! Would never tell me what was on his mind. So I kept busy with my children, loved them to death, made sure they had all the love they needed (he was never home) paid for their education (he participated) and to this day, my kids are my world. No thanks to him, he was never home. He is suppose to call tonight, better not answer that phone. I really do not think that I can actually sit back and pretend that all he had was ONS. I will keep you all posted. Meanwhile, I live in hell.


HIM - 55 (looks older by the day)
his time has come
ME - 55 (heart aged lately)
DD1 April 5 2013 (he made that one up)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 8 2013
DD4 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 181 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Near the ocean ... Canada
Topic Posts: 4

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