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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this worth pursuing?
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So she's wearing his balls now...too bad when the court kicks him in the jingle berries, he's going to feel the pain instead of her.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11117 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I assume other than what he took with him, you were awarded the contents of the home. If so, he has no recourse. None.

Does he think his children don't need to eat or have a roof over their heads when they are on vacation? Idiot.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29585 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Cat. He was given an opportunity to walk through the house, list what he wanted, and those lists became part of the SA.

He is such a conniving, manipulative BULLY. And I HATE that my girls are around his brand of crazy.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2585 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck.That.Guy.

What the fuck??? Like you are going to send over all your medication dosages/prescriptions...

What the hell is wrong with this guy? Fuck him.

I'm sure your lawyer will enjoy asking the court that he pay her fees seeing as he is such a fucking idiot.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4608 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NMK)))


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3313 | Registered: Dec 2011
permanentpain
♀ Member
Member # 38312
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fucking bucket full of crazy... Hugs to you sweetie, he's just angry and lashing out because he needs to step up to the plate. It's difficult for him to act like a grown up Keep doing what you're doing and don't let him intimidate you. He had a lifetime of that crap, NO MORE.


Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Divorcing
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! What a complete Moron! Hugs, nutmegkitty. You've already gotten spectacular advice, just keep on saving those insane texts and truck on.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 858 | Registered: Aug 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((nutmegkitty)))))

First, it is good to see you on the board! It is probably my absence and not yours, but I was delighted to see you on the board....

But OMG I want to come and kick your stbx in the "no-no's" as one of my middle schoolers coined it today. What a fucking fucking fuck indeed.

I felt the anxiety start just reading your description of his texts. Can you forward them to someone who can filter for you? Or does he have the kids right now? If he doesn't have the kids then NOTHING he has to say is important right now. Block him even if just temporarily and get some peace?

On the PTSD and how to get relief, I like the JAMF scream fest as recommended. I tried a hot shower once during a PTSD attack and it was a terrible mistake for me. The shower was too much stimulation and I completely fell apart and horrified at the idea of needing assistance while wet and naked, a puddle of anxiety in the bathroom floor... Did not induce relaxation and release of tension at that point!!

He's throwing a NPD tantrum and bully is the exact right term.

FTG for sure.

(((more hugs)))


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5769 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has no recourse, then, on the appliances. None. Unless there is fraud involved, the marital settlement stands. Boo-fucking-hoo he got teary-eyed at the washer living somewhere else.

Unless he gets a subpoena, you give him no information. None. He can ask all he wants, but unless you receive a subpoena, you do not have to voluntarily answer a thing.

It does get better, but I fully relate to the panic at hearing from the NPD and the bullying. I hate it.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29585 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fully relate to the panic at hearing from the NPD and the bullying. I hate it.

Me too.

I'm sorry.

And what a dick-wad! Fuck him! Don't respond.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1566 | Registered: Aug 2010
FlySomeday
♀ Member
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, April 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*sniffs* yep, smells like NPD alright. You can NOT feed the monster with ANY reaction. That is the only way to deal with the NPD. THE ONLY WAY! move through your attorney and he gets crickets. Additionally, might want to talk to your attorney about having his wages garnished so you don't have to deal with him withholding cs due to his history. My stbx douche NEVER paid on time and even skipped a month. Yeah, pretty much F.T. G. You got this. He will not know how he makes you tremble right now ..you will not share that. You must stand up and continue to fight his monster until he knows your strength and perseverance!

((((NMK))))))


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea. I'm amending my previous statement...which was too nice.

He's not just *nasty*...the guy is a JAMF.

He's not paying CS because the kids are on school break? WTF? That is completely and utterly irrational. Kids break, home all day = *higher* expenses, right? Cause you're feeding those little *bottomless* pits all day long instead of just outside of school hours.

He wants a list of your meds? Is he smoking crack?

Hand this fucking moron off to your L. He'll hang himself with that short amount of rope. It would almost be worth it to pay L fees to go to court and let him plead his case to a judge. The thought of that makes me laugh.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7919 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
la433
♂ Member
Member # 38835
Default  Posted: 1:51 AM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you have kids, so this might be difficult to do [I have kids too, and it would be hard for me too~especially if there were an emergency], but have you considered changing your number so he can't text or call you? Have ALL contact via attourneys. Set up children pick up and drop off via attourneys. He seems to be still in control of you, and you are letting him.

If there is an emergency, they can call your lawyer, who can call you and then you can deal with said emergency.

Just a suggestion. Considering such COA (course of action) myself.


"Arise and be all that you dreamed." ~Flyleaf

Posts: 136 | Registered: Mar 2013
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for having my back on this. You all *get* it, and that helps so much.

It is clear to me he is unravelling further. I will feel so much better when my babies are back with me (they are with him for this vacation week).


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2585 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am always antsy when my children are with XWH more than 1 day.

What has helped me is that I realize all the yelling and bitching and threatening he does is to keep the focus off what he has done.

I also realized that my children will be with my XH on 52 overnights out of the next 12 months (every other weekend 2 nights) and 2 weeks in the summer and they will be with his mom and sisters who are somewhat normal. So, I have them
the majority of their lives. I am working diligently to show them who I am -- who I used to be before I married their Dad.

It's getting easier, but sometimes he gets me rattled with his texts, too.

It's then that I look around and notice he's not in my living room, he's someone elses problem now, and I try to chill for my kids. (sometimes it takes a couple hours).

Go for it on the court thing. Standing up for yourself makes you feel even better and stronger.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jan 2012
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Homewrecked, that is EXACTLY what I do too. I can now freely be me, nutmegkitty, around my girls. I am smart and have been told I'm pretty funny, but I used to dumb that down around the ex because I guess he felt threatened if is showed eiither quality. Well, no more. My girls see me killing spiders and shoveling out of a blizzard. That is what I model for them. I can only hope it's enough to compensate for the rainbow farting unicorn land that is their dads house.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2585 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Topic Posts: 36
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