SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Has anyone here filed or gone through a divorce for cause (i.e., adultery)? It is a permitted action in my state, but I was wondering if anyone here has actually done it, and how it worked out. I have nothing to hide, but it would publically humiliate him, which wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I haven't, but during the discussions with my L, it came up that you have to basically prove it. I don't know what the evidentiary standard is, but it is likely you will need something concrete to show that it is more likely than not that he had sex with someone else. He can also throw all kinds of things your way, too, as some divorce grounds are pretty broad. For example, he could counter for extreme cruelty. Adultery in my state has a pretty narrow definition, but extreme cruelty is a much more nebulous concept. He would still have to prove it, but rather than proving one specific thing as in adultery, he has a lot more latitude. And remember, it is more likely than not, rather than beyond a reasonable doubt. You have to talk it over with your L (many states, it doesn't matter what the grounds are, but in a few it does when it comes to the settlement) and decide if it is worth it to pursue. It can get ugly even in the pleadings stage.

Hi @Phoenix1,

To answer your question, I tried to file for adultery as a cause for D.

Here is what I found out.

1) the evidence must be irrefutable.

Porn clip, confessional statement, pregnancy in A, witnesses who have seen the act take place.

2) circumstantial evidences can be argued by both parties and ultimately the judge decides.

3) if you lose the case, there are chances of a defamation suit against you.

4) electronic proof will be subject to technical scrutiny.

5) these things take ages to prove.

My advice to you is seek professional help. Consult a professional and take 2-3 opinions.

Please bear in mind that most lawyers don't really bother if you are wronged.

Most care for $$s only. I don't blame them. Most drag on and on for more $$. There are lawyers who get in touch with the other party's lawyer and they become very rich, KWIM?

IMO get citations from court libraries and study after consultation. See if those citations can be used and will help your case. see if you can file and win on the other parties cost, not yours, for disrupting your life.

Eventually if you do file, always remember, YOU, have to drive your lawyer, not he.

My lawyer was my best friend's sister. I knew she couldn't play games with me that way. I always asserted on what I want, not what she wanted. So get a lawyer that you know.

I did not file for adultery because there was too much efforts involved and there were too many loopholes for the OM to slip out. Plus, even if I had won, FWW is not culpable. Only OM is. So what's the use. It's FWW who destroyed my M. OM just played along.

Yes, I scared the hell out of OM and FWW with the evidence I had. That made them cave in. I threatened to file for adultery. I acted on it. They knew I meant serious business. They knew their company would be dragged in as they used company propriety software and hardware and time. They knew courts would order more emails from their server.

I got what I wanted before going to the courts.

I filed using adultery as the reason, but ended up changing it to irreconcilable differences after we had mediation and I got the settlement I wanted. If we had ended up going to trial, the cause for the divorce would have stayed adultery. Since ex was living with OW well before the divorce was final, I don't think adultery would have been too hard to prove.

eta: it really does depend on what state you live in. And my attorney was using it as a bargaining chip (aka threat) to get me the best possible settlement. We both figured, and rightfully so, that ex and his attorney would give in rather than have the several OW take the stand in a trial.

[This message edited by inconnu at 9:02 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

my stbx douche's paramour admitted adultery at the Juvenile trial. I paid for a court recorder so that I would be able to use it for the circuit court (divorce case). If I do have to go to circuit court in my state (va), it will be open shut adultery case. He lives with her now and has since he left the marital home. It does depend on your situation and what evidence you have. Has he admitted the affair, live with one of them?? It is insane what you have to do to prove adultery. It shouldn't be as hard as it usually is. Go for it and use it as leverage at least.]

My paperwork says adultery. Jusge said at end it could be that or something else I don't remember, my choice and I made sure it said adultery. Everytime he has to file those divorce papers for anything, it is stated right there on the first page, no ifs and or buts, ADULTERY was the reason I divorced him.

I live in a no fault state so the court doesn't really care. With that being said.....you better believe I filed on grounds of adultery! I didn't care if the judge turned it down I wanted to at least try. All my family told me that it probable wouldn't be accepted.

Exwh claimed the marriage ended due to un-supportability. We were in front of a judge trying to get somethings settled in our decree (one being the grounds for divorce) and the judge asked if there was any evidence of un-supportability and exwh had to say no. Then the judge asked me if there was any evidence of adultery and I said yes......so needless to say my decree says on grounds of adultery. Yes!

I don't get anything financially out of it but I know down the road he can't lie to the kids about why we got divorced...he lies about everything else.

Thanks for the advice and insight.

Courageous and wontdefineme, that is kind of what I am looking for. I want everyone to know the real reason for the breakup. He is a lying bastard and will lie to anyone about anything to cover his immoral behavior.

I am also looking to use the threat as leverage to get what I want. The fact that I have proof that he paid bitch whore #1 secret support for their secret child for 15 years speaks volumes....

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:58 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]

Yea, my ex was smart, she filed for D prior to open PA. She was likely having an EA, but that is difficult to prove, especially when she is adamantly denying any affair whatsoever.