SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've been concerned that I'm not angry. I can get angry. I've been so very angry before. I've thrown dishes and broken some of my most prized possessions in anger. That was before this happened when I'd fight for my rights in the marriage and be treated to NPD cruelty. So where is it?

Throughout this ordeal I only feel sadness for him. What he's done to us and himself. Although I've recently realized it was not and in fact far from ideal because I NOW know that he's NPD. No question in my mind at all, he is most certainly NPD.

So, no anger at all. Some frustrations with trying to outwit him yes but where is that anger? Last night I dreamed I made the trip home that had me and two cops find her in my bed. But, in my dream I beat her. I beat her and beat her and beat her some more. I was unstoppable. When I grew tired from the effort the police asked if I was done and that made me angrier so I beat her some more. This involved hair pulling, punching, slapping, all the fun of a typical catfight with the exception of my landing that first punch right on her mouth and not being hit back. Her part consisted of taking the beating and screaming in fear.

Then I woke. Exhausted from the dream. My anger needs to come out but I can't seem to find it other than that dream last night.

Any and all input gratefully accepted.

I was so busy surviving that I could only get situationally angry with my X for a long time.

I've heard that the anger phase often doesn't start until around 6 months. It took me a bit longer than that. It came. But not as consistently and steadily as it did for some people.

We all get through this in our own way and time. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is and work through the feelings.

My DD was October of 2010! I should be angry! Damn it!

heheheee