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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He is either going to do it again or
Member # 37863
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I check. Not as much as I want to, and I don't like myself for doing it, but I do. Often it happens around triggers - I feel insecure or I'm upset or suspicious because of his behaviors, and then I start checking. I don't even feel like it's useful, because I'm sure he's learned from getting caught and would not necessarily do the things he did before. But I still check. I wish I could stop.

Me (BS) 42 - Him (WS) 43
DD #1 7/19/10 2 year LTA EA/PA w/MOW - HSXGF#1; DD #2 6/6/12 4 mo EA (PA?) w/HSXGF#2; DD #3 12/15/12 3 week EA with random stranger. A whole crapload of gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, rugsweeping and TT.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i agree with all the posters. if they want to cheat, they will...and there is NOTHING that can be done to stop it. yes, i have full transparency...and he is doing "all he can" to rebuild trust...but the bottom line is that he is clever...cunning, and a liar...he showed me already what he is capable of....sooooo, if he wanted to fool me again....he would find a way.

also, i have learned the hard way that these AFFAIR PARTNERS WILL LIE FOR THEM TOO. so...even if you did check....and found something..and tried to follow up...the ow might lie too.

so really, there is no safety...none.

my husband's ow lied when i confronted her...and they both worked together to keep the affair from me...pretending that it was a platonic relationship. ouch.

one thing that does help me is knowing that eventually if he was would come out in the open. they always get caught...eventually. and he knows that i am gone if that happens again. no more "chances." it would be over.

funny thing is that sometimes on a bad day, i secretly wish i would find something so that i can move on with my life and end this madness.

BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 988 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a year old. I still check, but not as frequently. I was blindsided by his affair and I refuse to be blindsided again. He know I will leave if I catch even a whiff of an affair. I will leave next time, there is no doubt on my mind.

He could have another phone and email that I don't know about, but if he does it will eventually come to light and he will lose everything. I check what I can when I feel uneasy and the rest of the time I am leaving it up to him to be accountable for his whereabouts.

This is exactly where we are at. I haven't been checking much, just randomly here and there with different methods

If there is ever another indiscretion I am so ready to walk out of this M. There will be no more US.

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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