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Newest Member: Highlanderlady (45437)

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User Topic: I'm not sure which is worse.
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi h0pe4ul. Okay. Saturday was our 6 year anniversary. He took me to dinner. It started out fine, then I had a drink and more Q's came. Turned into a horrible night. Yesterday, he took us on family outing. I cried in the car when I heard love songs, thinking our love was never real. We had 3 hour arguement last night. And, it' Monday, back to work and SI. :) Hoping to get some strenght today on 4 hours of sleep. Other than that, I'm great! haha.

How are you doing??

Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
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Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Liberty...I am sorry.

I hope today is a better day. I do. Please be kind with yourself. Forgive yourself when your emotions take over. It is okay. It is normal. You are hurt and reacting.

I too, have many times thought things were going fine only to be hit in the face with a 2x4 of a trigger, an insecurity, or looking for reasons to question myself, my h and my marriage. IT IS NORMAL.

Look at the timeline for healing. It just takes time. 3 steps forward, 2 back - you are still making progress.

It has been almost 20 months for me and my h and I got into a fight over the weekend. I wasn't even upset but he is also trying to "heal" and help us "heal" so he also reads into things that aren't there. We are all human and this is just very hard.

Give yourself time, forgiveness and space.

One day at a time.

Sending hugs...

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timeline of Recovery
Good timeline I found on the healing library.

I hope this helps everyone realize to be kind to themselves and give themselves time. Feel what you need to feel.

The journey is long but you can come out stronger on the other side.

Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?

A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm. Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.

D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself.

PLEASE NOTE: The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.

One day at a time...keep moving....

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
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