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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Don't know if I can do it
sadminnie
♀ Member
Member # 38870
Question  Posted: 12:44 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 5 weeks since my d day, and we have decided to give it another go. The A ended when I found out and told him to choose. We have sat down and had the talk and he says I know everything now and he regrets it and is sorry. He also said I need to stop asking him the same questions over and over again, like is it deffo over and has she been in touch. I'm trying to but I just can't seem to help myself I just really don't believe a word that comes out his mouth, I don't trust him and when he goes out I feel like just ending it all cos I just can't cope. I'm thinking of walking away from it all for my own sanity more than anything I can't live my life worried all the time. I hate what he has done to me and our family 😔


WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Minnie,

Is he being remorseful, and transparent? Does he get aggravated when you ask questions? If so then he doesnt get it yet. The next time he tells you he has answered your questions already tell him you get to ask questions as many times as you need to help you understand and heal. If he doesn't like it then he doesn't get it.

There is nothing wrong with taking a break from it, so that you can feel normal again. For many an A is a dealbreaker, and whatever decisions you make are not wrong. Perhaps booting him out the door for a bit, will help him see the devastation he has caused. For many Waywards this can be the fog clearing Ah Ha moment.

No one is saying it has to be permanent, but you don't need to be disrespected any further, and if you need time to yourself that is ok.

((((and strength)))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8691 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
PinkJeepLady
♀ Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadminnie)))
I hear you loud and clear! I feel like that every single day for the past 11 months. The only thing I can tell you is that sometimes it helps a little to break it down into smaller time frames of what you CAN handle, can you make it until tomorrow morning? Can you try and survive the night?
That has been helping me.
I also found the advice on SI to take time to make definite decisions about staying/leaving very helpful. Giving yourself time to sort it out seems to help. I am actually glad now that I have not made any definite decisions either way for the past 11 months. It was hard not to just walk away on so many days. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I am sure it's the same for you. I hate what he did to you too!
What has tremendously helped me is all the support and comfort I have found here. I have clung to the encouraging words of hope that I have been given. The advice to take it one day at a time and take care of yourself has worked.
When it's so hard and you want to give up, lean on us!
Hang on, the road is rough and the outcome might not be clear right now, but you will find the strength to keep going. You will be amazed at how strong you really are!
I am rooting for ya!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 488 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
sadminnie
♀ Member
Member # 38870
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, it's a comfort to know people understand and care, I have tonight finally cried about it, for weeks I have been angry and mad, but now I'm just scared and hurt. I'm triggering at the moment, he has gone to the pub for a few drinks on his own, this was what he used to tell me he was doing when he was meeting her, I'm currently sat here ay breaking point I don't know if I can do this 😔


WS 33
BS 31
Together 12 years
1 8 yr old daughter
Day 20/3/13
Second disclosure 29/4/13

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: nottingham england
RSEB
♀ Member
Member # 34728
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Minnie
i am the FWW my story is in my profile. My DDAY was 3 years ago. I NEED to tell you as gently as I can. HE DOESN'T GET IT!!! Your dday was only FIVE WEEKS AGO ? Why is he at a pub without you? If he got it he would be home helping you. The problem is he has to get it by himself. You telling him he shouldnt have gone out doesnt change what is NOT happening in his brain.
please 180 him hard for your own protection. Gib,ve youtself a timeframe and if you dont see him changing on his own then you should strongly reconsider R ing with him.

HUGS


ME - FWW


Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2012
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He also said I need to stop asking him the same questions over and over again...

He does not get to choose how you heal. You deserve to know what happened in your own life, DAMMIT! Even if you ask the same questions over and over for years he needs to get used to it. He brought this on!

Just like you get to get used to the fact that your husband had a girlfriend!HELLO!

I have been angry and mad, but now I'm just scared and hurt. I'm triggering at the moment, he has gone to the pub for a few drinks on his own, this was what he used to tell me he was doing when he was meeting her

WHAAAT?! Is he out of his ever-lovin' mind?!? This is not even remotely remorseful.
NOT COOL!

The problem is he has to get it by himself. You telling him he shouldnt have gone out doesnt change what is NOT happening in his brain.
please 180 him hard for your own protection.

Kick this guy to the curb! GAH!

RSEB is right, he has to get this on his own. You cannot tell him how to act, you cannot love him into being the man he needs to be. That is up to him, alone.

He is showing you who he really is, Believe Him.

If he does not get it soon, you may have to begin to detach to protect your heart. Let him see what he is missing. It may be time for the '180' baby!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Topic Posts: 6

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