Hi IGaveIt...I just read your profile. Wow! You have been through so much in such a short time period. That's hard on the head! Odd though how a short time period can feel like forever. My 4 months feels double that.
Well, it is a relief that your W is seriously addressing the Why's. I often look at the Wayward Forum bc on this subject as I find them open/honest and really trying to figure it out. Would she go there? I have gained insight on my H from them and direct him there as well.
I remember saying to my H. I want you to find out WHY you did this.
I am taking responsibility for what I contributed to the breakdown of our marriage but WHY didn't he just give me the chance - just let me know how incredibly unhappy he was? WHY take THAT route? A route that is SO completely not who he is? It boggles the mind. Sure you can relate!
I think with men/women there is some different stuff going on there that makes the A so...appealing. Women in A's seem to get very emotionally attached very quickly. They think they are in love but turns out....they're not. The real thing (that being you) is standing right in front of them. And from what I have read, many men (not all) but many are in the A bc they are NOT emotionally invested. Their WHY's would be different.
Anyway. I am rambling....I really hope she figures it out. In the meantime, have you guys read, Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages? It's a good, easy read and I think essential for people in R.