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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: is there anyone out there that still got married after infidelit
msbeauty1912
♀ New Member
Member # 38754
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WF and I have been together for 10 years we have 2 great kids together. I just found out 4 months ago that he was unfaithful 2 years ago. we are in R but I wondering is it better to make a run for it now before we tie the knot or is it still a chance for a great marriage in the future ...


Me BS
Him WF
Together 10years
DD Nov 10 2012
2 kids 5 and 1
R 2/16/13
stayingstrong

Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: msbeauty1912
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't make any promises for your future, but I did get married after infidelity. My H and I had one child together, had just found out about a second on the way and were 3 days from our wedding when his most recent OW contacted me to out him. I spent that evening reeling - questions, tears, screaming, not sleeping - and carefully analyzed his reactions to every bit of it. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I made the decision to marry him. I waited to file our marriage license until the last minute. We are 9 months into our marriage tomorrow and are doing well, but it hasn't been without a tremendous amount of work.

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Jan 2013
Please1983
♀ Member
Member # 35894
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't yet, but hope to.
We have been together 10 years with 2 kids. We had spoke about getting married in the past but I was just never fussed. People get divorced all the time anyway. I always saw having kids with someone as a bigger commitment than marriage.
But I've changed my mind now. It would be just about us. Not that it would change anything, it would just be something nice to share.
We had spoke about doing it later this year but decided to have another baby instead. And then it would be nice to save up to move house so maybe we will never get round to it but that's just because its just not that important to us not because I'm put off by our past. Infact I actually belive because of our past we have a far better chance of a happy marriage, we have leart a lot and will hopefully never neglect our relationship again.


BS me 30
WS him 31 (thankyou1981)
OW 19 year old at his work
Together 9 years
3 boys. 4, 3 and baby.
D-day 20 aug 2011

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: UK
Pudding
♀ Member
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did. Married and then more came out about the A 5 years previously a month after the marriage.
We are working on R and it is very very tough. I believe that it is possible, but really wish I had known the full truth before marriage. I blame myself for not probing enough, not asking for full details, and accepting what he said about it all being over and in the past. I feel that we married under false pretences. We will get there, but I really should have got things straight before marriage.

If you are going to get married, I would suggest that you make sure you really have the full complete story, that NC is well and truly established and that you hear from him why he wants to marry you. What difference does he thing marriage will make to your relationship. Has he now established proper boundaries with other women that you are happy with?

I feel that I am doing all the work now that I should have done before marriage and that they first few months of marriage have been fake.. Now that I demand NC, I feel as if I am imposing conditions after the marriage, which we should have agreed before.


Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
offroad
♀ New Member
Member # 37999
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same situation. We had 1 child together, planning on getting married, pregnant with our 2nd child, 2 years together when he told me he cheated on me with his ex. I was broken. We are together still, however I am fearful of marriage. My feeling have never changed as far as that I love him but I am gun shy of getting married since it happened when we were planning on getting married. It's been 2 years since Dday, he has changed tremendously and has always taken full responsibility for his mistake. I just don't know anymore.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Jan 2013
MFC2011
♀ Member
Member # 34856
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got married after walking in on my then-fiancee kissing his ex in our living room. 10 years later, he cheated on me again with 3+ other women.

I will say that I do not regret marrying him....however I *DO* regret that our strategy after the first instance was to completely rugsweep it. He never had to fix his poor coping mechanisms that he fell back on during times of relationship stress.

If your WF is owning what he did, remorseful, not rugsweeping....then in your place I'd certainly consider it. Especially if you already have 2 little ones together, and therefore can't make a completely "clean" break anyway. I'd say it's worth a shot, it can definitely be done, but only if you're confident he has the right attitude, and you might also want to make sure you're protected legally as much as you can (pre-nup, etc.).


Dday#1: 12/25/11, Dday#2: 3/28/12, 4+ OW
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
-Pink, "Just Give Me A Reason"

Posts: 795 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: USA
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH "made-out" with a mutual friend while we were still dating. but very serious and exclusive. 10 years later, after married with 2 kids, he cheated on me...with two d-days, a couple years apart.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Tesa
♀ Member
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, we were married 3 years after the A. We have no children together.

My 1st marriage ended because of ex-h's multiple As. I entered a 2nd relationship still recovering from my divorce. He was also recovering from D caused by her A. Between the two of us, we have 6 kids. It take a lot of love and understanding!

A few months after we moved in together, he became very distant and left me alone with the kids almost all of the time. It didn't take me long to know something wasn't right. But, given both of our pasts, I just never thought it would be an A. He confessed. We tried R but after a few months, he moved out. It devastated not only me but the kids too. We spent a year apart. We never spoke. My father died and I contacted him. There was more drama somewhere in there but finally, we made it through.

Now, May 5th will be our 1 year anniversary. He is the love of my life. It hasnít been an easy road but nothing worthwhile ever really is easy.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2006
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gosh...in some ways when i read this post....i thought you had an "opportunity" to run. i think if my spouse had cheated on me and i found out about it before i got married...i dont think i would have married him. i wish i would have known exactly what he was capable of, and what i was REALLY dealing with before i said I DO and before i had a child with him.

i wish i were in your shoes....and had that choice.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 973 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Topic Posts: 9

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