Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: LadyDay98 (44973)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Holy Disney Dad
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go to pick up Teslet and he's sobbing, "I want to stay at daddy's!" over and over. I know this cry...he's tired and been way over-stimulated.
Disney Dad says to me with this weird apologetic tone, "He's probably had too much excitement."
Yes he has, you stupid fucker...way to prep him for going home. Whatever - I got this, go fuck your stripper whore.

On the way home (40 min drive), Teslet tells me they've spent the day at some kind of indoor amusement park...he's only eaten candy all day...wasn't fed dinner before coming home. Sigh.

Thank goodness he's very good at articulating his feelings (I cannot speak highly enough of play therapy for little guys.). He calmed down and I was able to get across to him that daddy has to work...he can't take him back to the fun place until the next time he visits daddy.

All was well by the time we got home. I am going to be dealing with this for the next 14 fucking years. FTG. My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father. At least I know that I'm showing him a way to live that is more meaningful.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4634 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
disillusioned12
♀ Member
Member # 37542
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your Teslet sounds really intelligent. I bet he will grow up to see right through his father's act for the phoney crap that it is. He will look at you with respect, love, and appreciation for all of the sacrifices you've made.


BS (Me)
WS (STBXH)
Married 2 yrs; Together 6 yrs

D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold


Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2012
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. All too familiar. So many times my boys tell me "we didn't get dinner." Usually that means they had a late lunch/early dinner. Which doesn't do me any favors when it's 7pm and they are both hungry, which delays bedtime and we all know how that goes...


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4169 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Overstimulated + low blood sugar = disaster. Poor kiddo. You did good in handling the situation.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you... nothing worse the starting the week of being tired and cranky from being overwhelmed at the other parents house. I swore XH/NW sent them back without food on purpose. After things began to look like no dinner was going to be SOP. I started to bring healthy snacks in a cooler in the car. Kid pick up was over an hour away.. I would pack fruit, cold chicken pieces, celery, carrot sticks, etc... basically a picnic type thing so they could get something into their stomach while I was driving. When they got home it was grilled cheese and soup to top them off. Easy and didn't take very long.

Bedtime got put back by 15 to 20 minutes.

Which was ok.

Once XH/NW caught on I was feeding them on the way home.. they started feeding the kids before I got them. I told the kids that the fruit was dessert.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5107 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father.

This is my biggest fear too.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the ideas, Kajem. I hate having to feed him a full dinner when we get home because than he thinks bedtime is a long time away...you know how it goes. Think I'll give this a try...he'll like the idea of a car picnic.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4634 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tesla)))

It's so hard to see what they do to our kids.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why? Why would dumbass not feed him dinner? Why would he not get him ready (physically and emotionally) to go home? What would dumbass get out of it? Is he that stupid or does it feed his ego on some level fort teslet to cry "I want to stay at daddy's" in front of you? Aarrgghh! Seriously, I don't get it. Tesla, you handled this situation amazingly! Keep up the good work!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to be dealing with this for the next 14 fucking years. FTG. My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father. At least I know that I'm showing him a way to live that is more meaningful.

I think we all fear this. I have 16 years to build a strong bond with my girls. They won't care who buys them what it who is permissive about what - they'll remember who spent time with them and who was emotionally present AND a participant in their lives.

Unfortunately the flip side is kids will crave the attention/validation of the distant parent far more than the present parent..

I do worry about having two teenage girls who might think its cool that dad does pot with them or let's them drink/party. monsters mum smoked pot with him from early adulthood and she modelled binge drinking. I still remember how amused they all were at my shock and horror at the pot revelation. WTF? It really is a cycle.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5560 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
AppleBlossom
♀ Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, April 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a valid fear, but if your children are cared for you in a loving and honest environment, with lots of appropriate parenting going on, believe me, at some point they will work it out themselves.

My ex-husband used to do exactly the same, and when the kids were little, I got lots of "I dont want to go home, its more fun at Daddy's".

Now they are 12, 10 and 5, and they like to go to Dad's for the fun factor, but they have actually said that "Dad is a crap parent". they adore and love him - which is great, but as they get older and the demands of school life and sporting and social events start to require organisation and healthy food and time management, they get it.

Really, just keep doing what you are doing, continue to facilitate contact with them and rejoice secretly and silently the first time they say "Can I just stay home this weekend?".


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
why2008
♀ Member
Member # 18378
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow... I mean WOW!!!! Candy all day, no dinner! Teslet did really well holding himself together after that kind of day.

My biggest worry in regards to Teslet is that he will choose the impulsive, instant gratification, materialistic path of his father. At least I know that I'm showing him a way to live that is more meaningful.

We all do this, forecast the future for our kids but in the end, and I have heard this from multiple sources, kids grow up and TRUST the dependable parent. it will pay off eventually, then you can come back and tell me I am right...


Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Maryland / DC
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((tesla and teslet))))

I completely understand. This must be yet another entry in the "How To" playbook of XWS's. I plan to be a little more nutritionally proactive on the way home in the future, as Kajem suggested. I do resent having to be that way, and I think it is utterly ridiculous that things such as bedtime, rest and nutrition are bottom of the totem pole while sugar highs, overstimulation and late nights are standards of living in muppet land.

You are the foundational parent and will set the standard of living for your little teslet, he's a smart little man and he knows where his peace is! He is blessed to have you.


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
confused51
♀ Member
Member # 29269
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last time my kids went over to their dad's and skank's she fixed dinner for herself, Ex and her kid and mine had to wait in the other room while they ate. Skank didn't plan on them coming over so she didn't plan on cooking anything for them and she told them this. They ate grilled steaks while my kids waited then afterwards came home to dinner.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2010
why2008
♀ Member
Member # 18378
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j

They ate grilled steaks while my kids waited then afterwards came home to dinner.

What a BITCH!


Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Maryland / DC
Cabrona
♀ Member
Member # 9596
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They ate grilled steaks while my kids waited then afterwards came home to dinner.

Unbelievable. Hope you used it as a teachable moment as to what is impolite.

I would then say, StepWhore probably did not mean to be rude, but maybe she just isn't smart enough to know what to do when you need to accommodate unexpected guests.

What I would have done is:
After the steaks were grilled cut the meat off the bone into nice strips and divided it equally for everyone, and then added an extra starch like potatoes or garlic bread and maybe a salad. Everyone would then have had enough to eat and no one would have had to wait in the living room.


"The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you... you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." —Bob Marley

Posts: 560 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Caribbean
confused51
♀ Member
Member # 29269
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yes I used this as a teaching moment. I told them that they could have shared, waited until they left or fixed something else where there would have been enough for everyone. I told them in the future they will need to avoid going over there anywhere near dinner time if this is how they are going to be.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2010
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I'm also so grateful my children are over 18.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For years I called myself the work-around parent. I would just work around them to meet my kids needs. I resented it in the beginning, but then I got to the point of focusing on what the kids needed and not what the other parent did or didn't do.

I still have pangs of resentment... but a lot less now that the kids are older and more independent.

My kids remember the car snacks as a fun time.... They liked it. I remember HAVING to do it because of XH...

I'm glad they have fond memories of it.. I need to focus on their memories not mine.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5107 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 19

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.