If you forgive to quickly,he will rugsweep. And that won't bode well for your marriage or R.
Im always surprised by the BS's who say they believe they know everything..*now.* This person has lied to you for nearly 20 years about his first affair. 20 years of lies. So,clearly,he is a liar...and a cheater. Please,be very careful in thinking you know everything. Chances are,you don't.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
But I am scared to death, that after 2 months, 6 months, even 2 years that I look back and say, shit, why did I not leave you when you f... dropped the bomb on me.
After 2 months, 6 months, even 2 years you are allowed to change your mind. He changed his mind about his wedding vows when he cheated on you, so you should have absolutely no guilt about changing your mind if you decide to reconcile now and then have second thoughts.
These are still early days though. You don't have to decide about anything at all right now.
You probably need to sit down with him with a clear deliniation of what you want to R. What your conditions are, and of course the consequences should he not follow through.
Read in the healing library up to the left side of your screen. There is a ton of good information that may help you figure out your feelings, and what you need to attempt R.
((( and strength )))
BTW, I call a Bull Puckey on "she seduced me." Unless she threw him to the ground, cut his pants off, tied a ruler to his thang, and then stuffed it inside of herself, it was a decision that HE made. Twice. I may offer you an apple, but it''s your decision to take a bite or not. (((hugs)))
edited because I cannot spell
[This message edited by Skan at 9:24 PM, April 22nd, 2013 (Monday)]
D-Day, June 10, 2012