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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just Keep Swimming
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So today feels bad for me. My oldest was actually with me since Saturday even though it is her weekend. I got my youngest back yesterday after soccer tryouts. But I had to stand on the sideline coaching her game Saturday and watch tryouts on Sunday with the crazy bitch and the asshat bf at both events. He is such a smug, arrogant asshat. The last argument I got into with the crazy bitch a few weeks ago, he jumped in a texted me and basically said to me "You lost *expletive*" and "Next time I see you out I'll buy you a drink to thank you". So now when I have to see him show up at my daugther's events I just want to put his teeth into the back of his throat.

Then my daughter came home and started mentioning crap her mom is doing with the new home she is buying. Yup, I'm financing that deal for her and that POS I want to do some dental work on.

Today both kids were a difficult getting ready for school. Today was one of those days I feel like throwing in the towel. Sell the house, give her full custody and just leave town. See how she does when she has to be a real parent. See what working full time and single parenting is like. F-her. I hate her. I hate him. I hate what they did to my life.

Today I feel like I could so just bail out. I know I will just keep swimming for the sake of my kids. I thought I was moving to indiference, but I'm not there yet. Still a lot of anger and hate for me.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of the best advice I have seen on SI was to invest in a punching bag. Set it up in the garage or basement, and get that anger out!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13569 | Registered: Jul 2011
spareparts
♂ Member
Member # 33434
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dadtryingtocope, I understand your frustration and the feeling of coming close to throwing in the towel and walking away. At one stage with all the shit being thrown at me my dad was suggesting it may be easier just to walk away and come home to them. Though I think he knew I would never do that to my kids.

I second what Amazonia wrote, as I invested in the punch bag for my garage and it was very helpful when I needed it.


Posts: 515 | Registered: Sep 2011
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The punching bag is a good idea or a gym membership.

Just remember that crazy attracts crazy and crazy doesn't usually change. So let them be toxic together and sit back and wait for the explosion. If possible stop engaging in the back and forth arguments with your STBX. Guess what happens when she no longer has you to blame all her problems on or argue with? If she can't get the rise from arguing with you she will likely turn her anger towards OM. Because her luuurve with him isn't going to fix her brokeness.

It's not a given that it will explode but the odds are in your favor that it will.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1836 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DTTC)))

Your kids are lucky to have you. It sounds like your ex is completely out to lunch and cares more about flaunting her pathetic BF--who gets involved because why? Wow, he sounds like a real winner; she must enjoy being his meal ticket--and bragging about things she can't even afford to pay for herself than her kids.

Your kids will see it in time, and eventually, this won't be your here and now. But, you're right-- all we can do is keep swimming, not only for ourselves, but also for our kids.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3543 | Registered: Oct 2011
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"You lost *expletive*" and "Next time I see you out I'll buy you a drink to thank you".

Oh yes, because cheating skanks are such a prize. When his dick rots off you can buy him a drink and thank HIM.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49448 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep telling myself that. I so want to have them implode for my own gratification all be it selfish. Part of me wonders if they really are trully happy together and meant for each other. Maybe that is just the way it will be. Maybe I truly won't care someday, but I have told her I will never accept him, I can't accept him for what he helped do in hurting me and my kids. Many of us probably want revenge or justice or karma. Pick your favorite there. But maybe it never happens? This is exactly why I get into the mode of f-it today. I just want to pick up and go and start over. But the reality is I can't leave the kids. I feel like I can today, but deep down I know I can't. But I am so tired of it. I didn't think they could wear me down, but it still feels like I am losing the war.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double posted. Sorry

[This message edited by Dadtryingtocope at 10:39 AM, April 22nd (Monday)]


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
spareparts
♂ Member
Member # 33434
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of me wonders if they really are trully happy together and meant for each other.

Maybe they are.. 2 lying cheating waste of oxygen, meant to be together as punishment for each other.

What that means for you though is you get the chance to move on and live your life and eventually find someone who appriciates you for you. Just think of all the bad things Mr Wonderful will now have to put up with, as well as constantly wondering where she is and who she is talking to, coz he knows he cannot be trusted.

Its easier said than done i know, but you are best keeping in mind that you are the prize and she lost not you. You are on your way to a better and more fulfilling life, keep on swimming and you will get there


Posts: 515 | Registered: Sep 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs hugs hugs. Vent away my friend. In the end, you know you will continue to be the type of parent your children NEED.

Continue to rise above those two pieces of shits. Please buy him a drink and thank HIM! Really!

Persevere, my friend. One foot in front the other today. Work out that anger. Cry. Drink. Do what you have to do to take care of YOU. Not the dad you but the YOU YOU!

Sending you hugs and support, dmari


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2127 | Registered: Oct 2012
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dadtryingtocope
Enjoy your kids, everyday, every hour. Enjoy the moment with them. Your WW is the one missing out.

My uncle raised his shons alone, completely alone. They are all outstanding adults and my uncle has the greatest relationship with each of them today.

Good luck!

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 405 | Registered: Sep 2011
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DTTC
I too had trouble getting kids ready this AM. XWW has decided to make our life more difficult since I locked her out for stealing from me and children and put up no trespass signs she will no longer pick up DD13 for school even though she goes right by my house.She wouldnt even return DD13's text last night to request to be picked up.DD13 told my mother she feels like she and Ds11 have been replaced with XWW by OM's kids.
DD13 also had a meltdown last night and was very hurtful and disrespectful it seems like sunday nights are the worst for her she always lashes out on sunday evening.
I feel for you I often wonder if XWW is truly happy as she says and apears.I am in N/C and that helps but at times I still wonder and am patiently waiting for the Karma bus as she backs more and more out of childrens lives it really pisses me off!


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck that bitch - both of them *hugs*


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 636 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[URL][/URL]


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lets be honest... Anyone who's seen Fnding Nemo more than a few times could probably tape a picture of Dory to their punching bag and be even more motivated!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13569 | Registered: Jul 2011
VeryUncertain
♀ Member
Member # 37845
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, DTTC. It is SO difficult to see anything objectively when you're in the midst of this crap.

But...from an outsider's perspective? Only...what...2-3% of these relationships ultimately survive? Chances are you'll see the karma bus run your wife over. In addition, the OM sounds simply terrible. I mean, really...what kind of OM texts to rub salt in the wound? Real winner right there.

We have about the same timeline and sometimes I just want to run as well. I have much younger kids and so there are likely much different challenges. That said, we had a good day today and I felt sorry for my WH's douchebaggery as I watched them laughing hysterically and dancing in the bath just a few minutes ago. He doesn't get to see these moments; I do.

Hang in there - I totally understand the bad days and am right there with you sometimes...but sleep on it and tomorrow will be better. :)


BS (Me): 38
WH: 43
2 beautiful, precious daughters: 4 & 2
Found out early Aug. 2012, separated 2/4/13, in R (?) since 7/2013.

Posts: 162 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: MD
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all.

I had a super good night with the kiddos. Youngest running around with her friend playing "Earth Day" (they cleaned up 2 bags of garbage". Oldest strapped in for some Minecraft time (those of you with video game kids will know that one). Dinner with everyone and then we all strapped in for couch time and a Happy Days rerun. How cool is it that my kids like Happy Days. They think the Fonz is cool like I did back at their age. Timeless. Unfortunately they like the 80's episodes (Chachi and Joanie, no Ritchie, no Ralph Mouth). I like the old 70's episodes.

But...from an outsider's perspective? Only...what...2-3% of these relationships ultimately survive? Chances are you'll see the karma bus run your wife over. In addition, the OM sounds simply terrible. I mean, really...what kind of OM texts to rub salt in the wound? Real winner right there.

This is my hope someday. Justice/Karma whatever you want to call it. And thanks VU - you are right - he is an ass. What kind of person does that? Someone not very confident with himself and very threatened by me maybe. Although I have told him, she's all yours and good luck with that, asshole. :)


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DTTC,

I am 10 years out from the implosion of my marriage. XH is still with OW (now NW) and this is what I see.

2 people who both travel for work... and they are constantly flying to meet one another on those trips.

Hmm... seems trust is hard to come by in that relationship.

I don't know about you, but I would not want to be in a relationship where I couldn't trust my partner. What sort of relationship is that?

My (and yes she is mine) grandbaby is about to turn a year old. My XH is not allowed to see his granddaughter. He has seen her for about 45 minutes TOTAL time in the past year. NW does not know- so keep the secret ok? XH is not allowed to talk to me, his sister, his parents, or 2 of his kids without NW being present thru out the call. He hides money from her. She spends a lot of money... so they ended up filing bankruptcy. And will now be paying for 2 more years till they are caught up.

This is not the man I knew and loved... it is someone else.

I hope they have a long life together... they deserve it.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4859 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 18

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