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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: what do you say?
confused51
♀ Member
Member # 29269
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ex, skank and her brat went out of town this past weekend to visit Ex's sister, and her husband. Ex didn't invite the kids along. Ex's sister and her husband are both eye doctors and they went for checkups. The sister also lives about an hour or so outside a major city so part of the 3 days were spent there. The kids asked Ex why they weren't included and he told them they had been to the mueseum before and didn't need to go back. You think nothing every changes there?

So then I get asked why didn't dad take us? Dd could have gotten off work on Friday when they left she volunteered to work. Ds could have gotten off of work too with advance notice. I also get why doesn't dad care about us anymore? And why doesn't dad spend any time with us anymore?

I have told them I don't have the answers these are questions they need to ask their dad. They claim they do but he doesn't give them answers. I have told them they need to pretend he lives across country again like he did when he married skank. That why they won't be disappointed when they ask him to do things and he doesn't or when he doesn't include them. then if he does do things with them or include them think of it as a bonus. I know if I e-mail him about it I'll get the brush off and he won't answer or blame the kids for not telling him about events they do. I'm lost as to what to tell them?



Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2010
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have told them I don't have the answers these are questions they need to ask their dad. They claim they do but he doesn't give them answers.

You already gave them the right answer. The truth is that you don't know why he didn't take them, and it's okay to tell them that you don't know.

I know it sucks for the kids, but you can't force him to be a good parent. The option you have is to be an extra amazing parent yourself, and let them know that you'll always be SuperMom when they need you.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13727 | Registered: Jul 2011
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^ Ditto this ^^^^


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1082 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazonia is always on point here. She gave you a much better answer than I would have. I agree stick to the truth and if that means "I don't know" then so be it. In my fustration/anger and being your kids are older than mine I may have made a side comment about someone being selfish and not always concerned with the feelings of others. But take the high road and your kids will appreciate it later.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 502 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know why they are asking?

Are they looking to go on a trip with dad or looking to visit relatives that they do not see very often?

One, you have no control over him.. you know that. So you can't answer WHY he went without them.

But if they are looking to visit relatives.. can you take them to visit relatives and make yourself scarce for the weekend? I have done that with my kids. XH would not take them to visit his family or friends. But the kids want to spend time with family..it has helped my kids.

It isn't easy parenting with a lower muppet.. but we manage.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5054 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
confused51
♀ Member
Member # 29269
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think both a trip and a chance to see relatives. I'm not driving them 6 hours one why to visit Aunt and Uncle. They can go a visit them next time they are here.

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 6

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