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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: he didn't show up for son :(
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So after a long torturous weekend, my (as of now ex)partner did not show up to watch our son so I could go to work this evening. I called my neighbor to babysit and she was busy unti 6 (I had work 4-9:30). Since I desperately need the $ now I could not miss work. Luckily I work somewhere I can kind of of get away with having my son hang out in a corner with his computer and other tech devices. Yep mother of the year here, used a screen to babysit my 9 year old. So I forced my crying son to come to work with me. For the first 10 minutes he cried in the car "where's dad? Why can't I stay home with him? Mom please I don't want to go". What an effing LOSER of a father!!! No matter what our issues are why would he intentionally try to make me miss work??? Why would bail on the kid??? God damn now I'm pissed. I also found out that 3 weeks ago he left our son home while he ran to a store 3 minutes away. My (for now and probably forever ex)partner said it was no big deal because he was only gone 10 minutes. I said "he is 9!!! Leaving him in the house to run across the street for 10 minutes is one thing (his dad lives there), he can come get you! Leaving him home while you DRIVE AWAY is completely different. He made me feel like I was overreacting! Now I want to report his ass to Child Services!!!!! He also did not go to work today so my assumption is he went to an attorney as well...if you read my previous post you'll know I saw my lawyer today. My attorney didn't really have much to give me at this point because we really have no idea what path the douche bag is taking...I wish I would wake up from this nightmare....12th day since D-day and not looking forward to the next month of this at all. I fear a long court battle is brewing, but if I contact Children Services maybe not?


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. What a dickhead. Start tracking things like this now. Get a calendar and track every time he doesn't show or is late, etc. It will help you if you do get into a custody battle.

I would also look into hiring a sitter instead of using dad and talk to your attorney about having him pay for it or helping to pay for it. All of that can be included in child support. I would definitely bring up him being left home alone with your attorney as well. Do you have anything in writing where he admitted to leaving your son alone. I hope he said it in an email or text.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 921 | Registered: Mar 2013
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

when he went to the store it was to pick up my niece, she witnessed it! She is my niece not his and she is almost 18 so she would be able to testify on that, also a friend of mine happened to be at the same store, and heard him tell my niece that our son was at home alone, he too would validate this.


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
hailstormer
♀ Member
Member # 35873
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep 9 years old is too young to be left home alone
What if dippo head had a fender bender and 3 hrs later came home
What if the house caught on fire
Ya see once they cheat they lose their brains too very sad for the children who they use to act like they could not be away from for 5 minutes
Mine was at a bar with his hoe while his kids sang in the VBS choir at church
NICE HUH!
I was furious
Go ahead and make sure you son has a cell phone with you on speed dial and the minute he is ever left anywhere or anything happens he can call you immediately
Maybe your WS had to make an "important call" while he was away
Just sayin... mine use to go to the store all the time just to call the slut.
I found out by calling him and his stupid blackberry would beep (to me) telling me he was on the phone with someone practically the minute he left the driveway
After about 3 times of him telling me it was work I knew he was lying and proved it by his cell history
Again stupid him did not delete history (no brain)
Sometimes it's sooo easy to catch a cheater.
Good luck and keep visiting this site there is lots of advice and support.


me(BS)-55
him(WS)-53
together 21 years
1st D-Day 4-19-10
2nd D-Day 5-3-12
married 19 years
2 kids 13-twins
Unfortunately...divorcing

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS's phone beeps on my end too if he is on it when I try to call through, that's how I started realizing something was amiss. I called him one night at midnight and he was on the phone, I called back 30 minutes later and still on it, called 30 minutes after that still on it. He was at his dad's who lives across the street so I walked over. I stood outside the window because I could here him clear as day talking to her.


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
hailstormer
♀ Member
Member # 35873
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yep ditto to me too
When we 1st moved into our new home I called him at 12:30pm at nite also and he said WOW I was just trying to call you and for a brief second I believed him and wondered well if we have call waiting why didn't I hear the call trying to come thru. So when we hung up I took my land line phone and called my work (knowing no-one was there) and then called my land line with my cell and listened on land line as it beeped "aka" call waiting I hung up both phones called him again and waalaa beep sound again I slammed down the phone and would not answer his pleading calls to me (at this time of his cheating he said they were just "friends" ) He came home and tried to apologize a hundred times
as I told him you liar we have call waiting asshole!
Have you heard that saying
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
My sister-in-law calls me Ms Sherlock.
I just think men are so stupid when skanks pull them around by their pee-pee
I told him I know her car has those big balls hanging from the back of her bumper and it has his loser name on them
He use to love my humor he no longer likes my jokes
hmmmmm go figure.


me(BS)-55
him(WS)-53
together 21 years
1st D-Day 4-19-10
2nd D-Day 5-3-12
married 19 years
2 kids 13-twins
Unfortunately...divorcing

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I received an email from WS saying he would take our son tomorrow so that I can go to work. I really hate this kind of life. I've lived it for 14 years with my 3 older kids...weekends with dad, dad picks and chooses what he wants to do when he wants to do it. Single parenthood. I don't want that for my youngest son as well. This sucks so bad. Day 13 since Dday. I had a dream about WS last night. It woke me up. When I woke up I briefly thought that the last 2 weeks did not actually happen, that reality was just a nightmare. It took only a minute to realize that I was still living the nightmare and the dream was not real :( I still hurt so bad and that email just pissed me off


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you found out more about the OW? Sounds like your ex is going through a mid-life crisis and wants to have a clean slate. No responsibilities and no children. POS man. I would give up on him and focus on her. Let her know what she is getting into, break up their fantasy. Well, that what I would want to do anyway. Not sure if they would be worth the bother. I am sure, she will get tired of suddenly being a mom.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know OW name, address, age, no kids, not married, and that he has been telling her that we have been split up for years...calls me his crazy ex. I know this from overhearing a phone conversation, and from the police coming to my house telling me both of them were trying to get restraining orders on me. My WS told the cop we split 3 years ago!!!! I was dumbfounded! I would like to tell her the truth and let her know she is unknowingly helping in the destruction of my sons family. Although if i were her and saw all this going on i would be seriously doubting what info he has said. My son is mildly on the autistism spectrum. He cannot adapt to drastic changes. Moving from the only house he's ever known is going to harm him greatly. I have contacted his mobile therapist that he use to see for anxiety to try to help him in these early stages.


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, stop focusing on your WXPartner and OW, focus on your son and what you can do to help him through the situation. You can't control WXP or OW, you can control making this transition as smooth as possibly for DS. That needs to be your first priority.


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My children are always my top priority. I have taken MANY steps to help our future. Step 1 went to an attorney, step 2 set up counseling for myself, step 3, contacted my sons mobile therapist to try to help him through this as well. I am 13 days into this. It hurts like hell. I want the OW to know the truth! I want my WS to give a shit about our family, but my children always come first.


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get it. I really do. And I'm glad your family is your priority. I know this is hard, and sucks, but OW knows HER truth and that's all she's going to care about. I know it's easier said than done, but she's not worth the brain space. You'll get there eventually.

And as for him, you can't force him to care. Step back, do a BIG 180, maybe he'll realize what he's losing, or maybe you'll find the strength to not care anymore. You deserve someone who puts you and your family as #1. Not someone who can walk away from his son so easily.


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just left my 1st counseling appt. didn't get much results as it was intake and background history. Also me filling her in on the relationship and the the situation we are in now. I asked if I could go to counseling as much as possible, and I can go twice a week so that makes me feel a little better. Thankful for everyone here on SI. I'm so glad I found this site.


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep Calm___Carry on: is right. (By the way, I love that song by Fun. it has become my mantra) You need to focus on the 180. Not just to win him back (IMO he is not worth it), but to find out that you don't need him. When I did my own form of the 180, it just came naturally before I came to this site. I realized that for the first two months I was focused on winning him and keeping him. Now, I realized I don't need him and would be fine without him. The question is after you get to that point: Do you want him? Is he worth it? Now he needs to prove it. Focus on yourself and your children, the rest will fall in place.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 14

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