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Newest Member: formerlyjoyful (44597)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Start of day #6
Omahahurt
♀ New Member
Member # 39046
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am doing much better. Today begins day #6, so that could change in 15 minutes. I am just plain being nice. I got some good advice to let him be the asshole. You don't have to. I have just been nice. I have to admit, it is because I want him to see who he married in me and hope maybe OW isn't all that. It is noticably agitating him. I am really working on letting go and moving forward. In my heart, I would like to think there is a future for us to raise our kids. In the back of my mind I know I have to let him go and the 180 article in the healing libraries helped significantly. Somedays I think I can't tackle the whole day at once, I need to focus on making it through the next 5 minutes. All your responses are amazing. I have a feeling it will get tough later today and with the email of responses, it is friendly encouraging words that hit me at random times throughout the day.


me-34
h-32
DD-4/17/2013

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
HelpMe123
♀ Member
Member # 39044
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is the start of day 13. I wish I had encouraging words for you but I don't. I guess all I can say is you're not alone. I dreamed about him last night and when I woke up I felt like I my life was back to normal and the nightmare was over. Sadly, it took me a minute to realize that no I was still living the nightmare. I'm not here to bring you down, I apologize....this site has been wonderful. The people have been amazing. I feel like I spend most of my spare time here just reading, posting, venting...I'm thankful I found SI


Me BS 37
Him 47
OW 32
Together 12 years
D-Day was told it was EA 4/11/2013 found out it was PA 4/21/2013 :( I am broken
1 son (9)
3 kids from previous (19,17,16)
His kids from previous 2 (17, 15)

Posts: 74 | Registered: Apr 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ladies

First of all hugs to you both. I am sorry you are here but like you, I am grateful for this site.

You will always have someone who understands and will support you.

This is all VERY new. VERY. You have just been grated a ticket (without your request) on the roller coaster of HELL.

Be kind to yourselves. Do not feel guilty for feeling anything you are feeling at any given time. Give your time to grieve and be angry. If you don't it will most likely hit you later.

One day at a time.

I included the timeline below not to depress you but to make you realize that healing is a process and allow yourselves to be human.

One day. One step at a time.

Keep moving.

Faith

=============================


Timeline of Recovery
Good timeline I found on the healing library.

I hope this helps everyone realize to be kind to themselves and give themselves time. Feel what you need to feel.

The journey is long but you can come out stronger on the other side.

Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?

A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm. Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.

D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself.

PLEASE NOTE: The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.

One day at a time...keep moving....


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
justdoit
♀ Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never dreamed I would be one of the older hands on this site - DDay for me will be 4 years in about 3 weeks.
There are people on SI that will honestly tell you that after enough time and work their relationships are stronger than ever. I can't say that but I can tell you that if you make it through the worst of the roller coaster ride from hell with a truly remorseful WS, life won't be perfect but it will be worth living again. So, take your time, be good to yourself, and encourage your wayward to be good to both of you - you are hurt and he is broken, so you both need repair and healing. Good luck1


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 155 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
Theradin
♂ Member
Member # 38518
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear your struggles! I know all too well the pain and confusion you are going thru.

Like others have said, it just takes time. Not necessarily to R, but time to heal yourself! Sadly, there is no way for you to 'make' your WH see you as better than the OW. And besides, when you look in your heart, do you truly ever want to feel like you had to convince someone to be with you? That'd be an awful burden to carry the rest of your life (trust me - i have felt that on numerous occassions!!)..

Try to stay strong. Take care of your children and yourself. That is priority #1 right now!!


ME: 33 BH
HER: 32 WW
Married: 8 years
Children: Yes
DDay #1: 02/22/2006 (ONS)
DDay #2: 09/23/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #3: 12/07/2012 (EA/PA)
DDay #4: 01/03/2013 (EA/PA)
DDay #5: 01/24/2013 (EA/PA)
TT until 04/07/2013
100% NC: 04/18/2013

Posts: 190 | Registered: Feb 2013
Omahahurt
♀ New Member
Member # 39046
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made it through, now on to day 7!


me-34
h-32
DD-4/17/2013

Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nebraska
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are doing great, Omaha! If you have already figured out the thing about getting through 5 minutes, then the next 5 minutes, that is a bit step (and do I hear you sometimes go 15 minutes at a time??? Overachiever!!!)

Yes, it does get easier when you are able to detach and concentrate on yourself. He will come around or he won't, but you will look out for you.

Wishing you some real rest tonight.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

you can do this. You are stronger than you think.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4505 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Topic Posts: 8

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