I think he is going to keep trying to pull you back in. I had to do this with an xboyfriend one time: I told him I had too much going on with my family right then, that I just couldn't date him right then. I told him over the phone and I hung up. Please get a new phone # right away and delete the one he knows. My boyfriend at the time had one goal--overcome all objections. So, I just kept repeating, "I have family issues now, maybe we can hook up later". It was the only way to get away from him. I couldnt tell him the truth because he just kept trying to overcome all objections.
Your next goal is this:
HE NEVER GETS TO SEE YOU. It is the only way to heal from this kind of person.
I ended up at a domestic violence center because what he was asking me to do is domestic violence. They really helped me get away from him. It's free help. They are used to hearing all the stuff you are saying -- it's what they are trained to help with, so don't be embarassed.
The first thing to realize is that you have good times wrapped up with him, that's why it's hard to let go, you want the good times back. Problem is, the good times were him "grooming" you to do all this stuff to you. He is too sick to even realize what he is doing to you is sick and that he was grooming you. Walk away from him. You can't explain anything to him, really. Just walk away. This is why we date --- to find out who a person is. You found out he has severe issues. So you just walk away.
Also make a list of all you have to offer someone in a relationship and start looking for someone who lives up to what you have to offer.
Make a list of what all he did to you and anytime you want to call or let him see you, pull out the list.
Please see a counselor, this process will go so much faster for you. In my current marriage, i went to a mental health treatment center and got alot of help fast! I went outpatient and it was pretty cheap. My children and I see a counselor at a domestic violence center now and they dont turn anyone away bc of money. Our visits are 1.00 each.
Most importantly, keep posting here. We will all help to clear the picture for you. Everyone here is non judgemental because we just want to help.