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Newest Member: FeebleHercules (44938)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I don't know where to turn or what to do
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say run quickly from this one..


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either just tell him its over and not to contact m again,... or just ignore him from now on?

Either of these is fine. Just don't get into discussions/arguments/texting after you have broken it off. Either tell him and go no contact, or go no contact. You don't have to give him any reasons, just say it is over and don't contact me.

Then, concentrate on your mother, start reading here and get some books to understand the situation you were in, get a counselor to talk this over with (someone who can give you perspective on it). That's my two cents!

Sorry you are going through this, but I have learned so much from this site about living a great life, and it is an excellent place for you to be right now.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1794 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he is going to keep trying to pull you back in. I had to do this with an xboyfriend one time: I told him I had too much going on with my family right then, that I just couldn't date him right then. I told him over the phone and I hung up. Please get a new phone # right away and delete the one he knows. My boyfriend at the time had one goal--overcome all objections. So, I just kept repeating, "I have family issues now, maybe we can hook up later". It was the only way to get away from him. I couldnt tell him the truth because he just kept trying to overcome all objections.

Your next goal is this:
HE NEVER GETS TO SEE YOU. It is the only way to heal from this kind of person.

I ended up at a domestic violence center because what he was asking me to do is domestic violence. They really helped me get away from him. It's free help. They are used to hearing all the stuff you are saying -- it's what they are trained to help with, so don't be embarassed.

The first thing to realize is that you have good times wrapped up with him, that's why it's hard to let go, you want the good times back. Problem is, the good times were him "grooming" you to do all this stuff to you. He is too sick to even realize what he is doing to you is sick and that he was grooming you. Walk away from him. You can't explain anything to him, really. Just walk away. This is why we date --- to find out who a person is. You found out he has severe issues. So you just walk away.

Also make a list of all you have to offer someone in a relationship and start looking for someone who lives up to what you have to offer.

Make a list of what all he did to you and anytime you want to call or let him see you, pull out the list.

Please see a counselor, this process will go so much faster for you. In my current marriage, i went to a mental health treatment center and got alot of help fast! I went outpatient and it was pretty cheap. My children and I see a counselor at a domestic violence center now and they dont turn anyone away bc of money. Our visits are 1.00 each.

Most importantly, keep posting here. We will all help to clear the picture for you. Everyone here is non judgemental because we just want to help.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Jan 2012
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Homewrecked,

you post makes a lot of sense to me. When I have tried to end it before or distance myself, he still kept in contact despite me telling him I needed space and tried to pull me back in. I am not sure he will this time though as things seem different.

I certainly have no intentions of seeing him or talking to him.

The first thing to realize is that you have good times wrapped up with him, that's why it's hard to let go, you want the good times back. Problem is, the good times were him "grooming" you to do all this stuff to you. He is too sick to even realize what he is doing to you is sick and that he was grooming you. Walk away from him. You can't explain anything to him, really. Just walk away. This is why we date --- to find out who a person is. You found out he has severe issues. So you just walk away.

This is definitely a problem for me and I am having trouble seeing who he really is and not thinking about the good times and getting sad over them. My aim is to just walk away without any further contact at all. It just makes me sick to my stomach. Can't put myself through it anymore.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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