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Must Survive (original poster member #34533) posted at 10:48 PM on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013
Just got back from my lawyer. Trying to put a settlement proposal together. I can go through days ok, today I'm doing nothing but crying. I still have pain from what my STBXH has done to me and our family. I want to vent, I want to whine, I am crying. And to be honest, I thought by now my STBXH would have figured out he is broken, and tried fixing it. I am feeling like a loser today. I was blindsided 17 months ago, and it is still so painful.
Why are the BS the ones that hurt? My STBXH is living the good life with OW#3, her kids. They have been engaged since 1 month after d-day. I'm done whining for now. This just sucks. 
Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 10:51 PM on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
hurtmotherof2 ( new member #28391) posted at 10:55 PM on Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013
((BIG HUGS MUST SURVIVE))
want a new life ( member #27286) posted at 12:06 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Me BS - 57
D 6/2010
It's been a long journey but I think I'm finally arriving at my happy place:)
Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 12:08 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
((((Must survive)))))
Sending you all the hugs you can hold.
K
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
AussieMum ( member #36579) posted at 12:26 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Here's more hugs (((MustSurvive))).
It's all so unfair. I hear you.
Me 47
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14
dmari ( member #37215) posted at 1:00 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Sending you lots an lots and lots of hugs! BS hurt because we are real, authentic and live with integrity. Try to do something nice for yourself today! (((((Must Survive)))))
tesla ( member #34697) posted at 1:56 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
^^^This.
(((((((((mustsurvive)))))))))
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
Dadtryingtocope ( member #36726) posted at 2:03 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
((((Must Survive))))
Stay strong and keep moving forward for you. It will get better. We feel bad because we feel. We are real people with real feelings with real hurt.
BH me 47
WW her 39
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (13, 10)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 2:05 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 2:07 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 3:37 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
(((HUGS)))
Sometimes this just sucks. No wait. This sucks ALL. THE. TIME.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
npain ( member #33539) posted at 4:21 AM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
(((Mustsurvive)))
You hurt because you are a real ,authentic human being.
It WILL get better..much hugs to you
S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 3:50 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
((Must Survive)) I hit my rock bottom late last year. Hope was crippling me but when it died this unbelievable wave of agony hit me. Far worse than DD.
The good news is I came of out it feeling cleansed. The death of hope whilst incredibly difficult, was also absolutely essential for my healing.
Be gentle with yourself. Don't expect too much of yourself right now. Someone here told me to lean into the pain when it got bad. Don't resist it.
With the death of hope came surrender.
This was happening. This has happened. Yet I'm still alive. Wildly alive.
With acceptance comes peace. No more wondering, no more trying to read the tea leaves or seeing signs that weren't there.
NC is crucial here - if you're still in contact then you need to end it. Kids/finances only - don't let anyone tell you things about him.
Its difficult at first but is as easy as breathing now.
I am free. You are on your way to freedom - there's a tough bit to get through first.
((Must Survive)) Know you're not alone - so many have felt exactly as you do now. Detachment will come - you just need to practice hard at it and add a bit of fake it till you make it. Soon you'll realise you're no longer faking it.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
1515 ( member #23112) posted at 4:06 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
((((((((((((Must)))))))))))
Exit Wounds ( member #32811) posted at 4:08 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Exit WoundsH of 17 years got gf pregnant, left our kids 9 & 11 and we never saw him again. -His choice.
CharlieFoxtrot ( member #38010) posted at 4:44 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
(((((MustSurvive)))))
Every step of the way, from here on out, remember this.... You are worth it
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
whatdoto ( member #28555) posted at 4:56 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".
Must Survive (original poster member #34533) posted at 8:10 PM on Wednesday, April 24th, 2013
Thanks everyone. I am nc, actually have not talked to him or seen him for about a year. Except meeting him in August at my lawyers office.
I just mentally still have contact, remembering our 20 years together. Just can't understand what happened.
Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 4:10 AM on Thursday, April 25th, 2013
I just mentally still have contact, remembering our 20 years together. Just can't understand what happened.
I understand. You can work on this too - I used the mental image of a Stop sign whenever my mind wandered. These are new habits you are forming - you do need to practice them.
Two articles that were massive lightbulb moments for me:
She's Special (2nd article down)
http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/a-vain-fantasy-his-one-true-love-the-exception-that-confirms-the-rule/
Romantic Infidelity
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200910/beyond-betrayal-life-after-infidelity
I feel like 10 years were stolen from me and I spent quite a bit of time being incredulous about it. Then I realised I had lost a few more months which I basically stole from myself. That thought snapped me out of it quick smart.
None of it is easy. But damn its worth it.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
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