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Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Resampling an ex boyfriend
twiceburned
♀ Member
Member # 21590
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am usually forward thinking. This week marks new home, end of the house I raised family....I may be a little fragile.....

Why do I find myself resorting to texts and dates from a man I clearly know is not the one.....?

I must be the only one who goes back for seconds, knowing it won't work.

Tell me what you do to avoid this......


How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time......

Posts: 151 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Southeastern US
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not dating yet. I'm not ready. Maybe you're not either if you know you're making unhealthy choices for yourself? It's never a bad idea to take a time out from trying to find someone to find yourself. You've got a lot going on at the moment. Put your focus on healing and bettering yourself. New beginnings can mean lots of different things- not just dating or new relationships. Take baby steps. You'll eventually get there. :)


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ohhh,don't go back for seconds if you know he isn't the one!!

You are just looking for validation that you're still attractive and desirable,in my opinion.

You don't need to lower your standards to feel that way. Drop that one and work on finding something else to do in your free time.

Being "good enough" to date or have FWB is NOT the same as being cherished. Go for the gold, it feels much,much better.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You may enjoy (or benefit from) the book "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken"

From listening to my friends talk, you're not the only one who goes back for seconds, knowing it won't work. I'm sure there's something psychological going on -- it feels comfortable, etc.

But if you're with the wrong guy (assuming you aren't a cheater and have morals) you won't be open when the right guy does come along.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3101 | Registered: Dec 2011
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do this....circle back to old boyfriends.

I always tell my GF that is it to keep my number down of ppl I slept with....since you don't have to count that same person twice.

There are lots of reasons - personal validation, nostalgia of a time that past, etc.

Regardless - I know it is not a sensible thing to go and try to avoid it.

I guess I am no help - just wanted to let you know you are not alone in the club.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 9:44 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]


When someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them.

Posts: 1871 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
LeftBehind08
♀ Member
Member # 38705
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have done this 3x.

'Resampling' allowed me to fully move them into friend zone. I no longer do the "what if" , it is the oh, this is why we won't work and I get it now. Plus, I felt in control of the sitch. I got to say, yes/no, when/where.

I am good friends with 2 of the three of them. I can text them with the - Got a question or hey, I am starving, let's go do HH.

Honestly, I didn't avoid it. I just make it crystal clear in my head that this is just going out as a friend.



Sometimes it's lonely, Sometimes it's only me & the shadows that fill this room...
But it's a great day to be alive & the sun still shines when I close my eyes ~Travis Tritt

Posts: 68 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dated someone about a year after my D. It lasted 6 weeks and then he got back together with an ex. Years later I ran into him at a convention and he'd just divorced (from the chick we broke up over, LOL). I started hanging out with him a bunch. I know I wondered if maybe it was fate. But it wasn't. Turns out some people are life lessons that you have to learn twice before it sinks in.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49406 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When XSO ended it.. and as people found out. I had a bunch of texts, PM's, emails..

I literally sat on my hands, till I could delete them.

I was determined to NOT go backwards. I had worked to damn hard to come as far as I did.

STill a long way to go... but I am on my way.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4031 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 8

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