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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Safety in NB
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
What?  Posted: 7:08 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted a while back that we discovered on Easter that someone had kicked in the back door of our garage and stolen some of DS' tools. It rattled me and the kids, and I used it as an opportunity to reinforce our safety plans, what to do, what not to do, staying alert, etc. My DS started sleeping here after that, as he was worried about me and DD being here alone.

Late last night, DS woke me up in a panic telling me to call 911. He had turned off his bedroom light and saw someone outside, looking in his bedroom window.

Within 4 minutes, we had 5 sheriff's vehicles on the property, searching every inch of the property. They were very reassuring and thorough, and yet quiet enough that DD slept through the entire event. Based on my son's description of the guy, they are fairly confident they know who it is.

After they left, I was unable to sleep. Instead, I spent the night stewing on our safety, the house, the potential for moving again, and how vulnerable and exposed I felt.

This house is, in many ways, ideal for us. But I can't count on my DS being around for much longer. He's planning to sign a lease with two friends this summer. And DD will be heading to a residential program next month, where she will live for anywhere from 3 to 12 months while getting intensive therapy for her Tourette's, PDD, OCD, and anxiety. So in no time, I will be here alone. My lease runs out in August, although I've already given them my intent to re-sign for another year. But now I'm having second thoughts about being here alone, in the country.

I had a false sense of security when I was married. Even when wasband was out of town, I didn't worry about my safety or my kids' nearly as much. It was like we were in a bubble where nothing could touch us. I guess I'm feeling my true vulnerability these days, where I was able to ignore it back then.

Blergh. No real point to this other than to chase some of the spinning thoughts out of my head and onto paper, so to speak.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((NIK)))))))))

I wonder if something could be done to the house, would that help you feel more secure? Adding a security system? motion activated lights?

If these were added, would you feel more secure or would you still be waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Sometimes it isn't about make the place we are in safer, sometimes it's about moving to a place that is completely different.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5161 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NIK)))))

I have one rule about being a woman alone. I always have to be upstairs.

With a lockable bedroom door.

Or share a house with others.

It sucks, but we have to consider these things.

You need to pay attention to your gut on this one.

I could never consider country life without getting a big protective dog.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We should all feel safe in our own homes.
I agree with Kajem, maybe some motion sensor lighting or even a back to base alarm system, if the owner wants to keep you there safe, they maybe willing to install anything you need to feel safe.

Maybe even a big dog if you don't have one already? Even some self defence classes for yourself just in case, hopefully you will never need it though.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1348 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you told the landlord about these incidents? I would insist on some security measures.

I refuse to live my life in fear. I guess it's because I was mugged around the corner from my house--the theives ran right across my front lawn when they got away. For MONTHS I was petrified to enter the house alone. The X worked nights as a bartender at the time and was out until 5:30am. I would sit in my car for up to several hours trying to work up the nerve to run and open the front door. I finally had him cut down the two large yews that grew on either side of the front door so that no one could hide in them. I had to make a decision to live in fear or conquer it, so I chose to conquer. I guess I've also developed a fatalistic attitude--if it's going to happen, it will.

There's nothing wrong with being vigilant and aware, but you shouldn't be in fear.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20221 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're looking into security systems, let me know. We just installed a system for our parsonage at church and I was the one who got to call security companies and decide on a system, since it was deemed that as a woman living alone, I would have the best "scared" perspective. Happy to pass along the results of my (extensive) research if you want it.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would also suggest talking to the landlord about increased security.

Also, if you can, I would consider getting a dog. My dog is my first alert if there is someone outside. When he hears something unusual he will start barking. When he isn't home I feel very nervous because I don't have that warning.

I also sleep with a stun gun next to my bed.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not fearful. Maybe I should be to some extent, but I'm not. I am aware, however.

There are some concerns about this location, and I'm sorting through those to arrive at a decision about whether I stay here or move.

But no matter where I live, I realize I also need to work on the vulnerability/false security stuff within me as well. I think it's part of my new beginning to do that work and process all the gunk so I can trust my ability to take care of myself and my kids. That needs to happen whether I live in this house or Fort Knox.

Does that even make sense? Or should I amp up the caffeine?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And yes, I've been keeping the landlord informed about these things. I don't see a dog as an option. Although I could probably talk the landlord into allowing one (the lease currently does not allow), I work full-time plus, and travel fairly regularly on business. We are never home. Doesn't seem fair to leave a dog alone all day and board him every time I travel.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had issues when FT moved out (issues = him).

I did ramp up some things (added garage doors, dead bolts, etc)

One recommendation they gave me was to install a hunter's cam. Said you can get ones that are motion-sensored (only records when something is moving outside my house), it records in the dark....plus I would have evidence.

I am not sure the cost but they told me Wal-Mart had them at the time.

Just a thought since you are pretty sure you know who you are dealing with....this would give proof.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nik)))

How scary! I would definitely get a security system if I were going to stay there. Good luck!!


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a thought since you are pretty sure you know who you are dealing with....this would give proof.

Just to clarify - I don't know who we're dealing with. The sheriff's deputy said they have a good idea of who it could be. But my son did not recognize the guy, and his description doesn't match anyone we know.

Still - the hunting camera is a good idea. I'll look into that.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The infrared hunting cam is something I was thinking of as I read through this. There were lots of robberies and break-ins in my neighborhood soon after DDay. I had deadbolts installed, since a locksmith I know said there is a tool for sale cheap online that will open a knob-only lock. That us how many of the homes and outbuildings were entered. One "perp" was identified by such a cam.

I also want to say that living in the country is a bit more reassuring for me. There have been quite a few more break-ins, robberies and even violent home invasions by strangers in a nearby city. It doesn't matter where you live, sadly.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2337 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

That is scary. I'm glad you and your children are ok.


Posts: 35393 | Registered: Mar 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

If your landlord is ever amenable to dogs, I have two lovably obnoxious pugs that go ballistic if any doorknob is rattled at any time of day. I would be happy to drive across the country to loan them to you.

Hugs and pepperspray.


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17544 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to clarify - I don't know who we're dealing with. The sheriff's deputy said they have a good idea of who it could be.

Oops - sorry. I misread it the first time.

IDK if it is scarier knowing the person or not knowing.

I have a baseball bat by my bed now. Now sure how accurate I would be in the middle of the night but I am counting on the aderaline rush

I worked with someone who had a peeping Tom. She walked out and actually confronted him one night in a "WTF are you doing????" sorta way. She said he hesitated a moment and actually said...

(are you ready?)

"Ummmm - I noticed you were pregnant and I was wondering if I could suck some milk out of your breast?"

She said "NOOO you effin idiot....the milk doesn't come in until AFTER that baby is born! Now go away!"

And he did and she never seen him again. How weird is that???


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Evenkeel - that is too freaky for words.

My sister just reminded me of a time when we were kids and my dad was out of town. The bedroom I shared with my 5 sisters was garden level - windows just a few inches above the ground. My oldest sister saw someone laying on the ground outside our bedroom window, and ran to tell mom.

Mom, resplendent in her flannel pjs, pink fuzzy robe, and curlers, grabbed a butcher's knife and ran outside with my brothers on her heels. When she got to the window where the peeping tom was, she stopped short and thought, "What the hell am I doing? This guy could be dangerous!!" Apparently the sight of her charging at him with a big knife, a crazed look in her eyes, and two teenaged boys right behind her put the fear of God in the peeper, and he took off running.

We all camped out in the living room that night watching movies.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25508 | Registered: Aug 2011
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG! As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. Glad no one got hurt in the confrontations.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2337 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nik)))

My bro just moved out and I've been forced to think about my safety too. I was never worried about it...until ex-shat broke in last fall. I installed some security measures but nothing heavy duty since my brother was here.

Now...I'm thinking I need to do something more. For me, it's frustrating having to think about it.

I'm so glad that your DD didn't wake up. And thank goodness your son was able to give a good description.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In addition to my dogs,I had a security system installed after wxh left. It's on every night.

I also sleep with my cell phone on the headboard of my bed. It gives me a feeling of security.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
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